The rest of the story  

potbelliedman 42M
1542 posts
7/31/2006 9:38 pm

Last Read:
6/13/2007 8:40 pm

The rest of the story

Hello readers.
You may recall that my last blog was before I went on a forced vacation.
Now this one is about what happened after that.
I went to San Francisco and met up with my girl friend from Japan who was here on business in Portland and then took the next week to come see me in SF.
All started very well.
But some events let up to spoiled vacation and caused me to almost go to the advice column for some thought provoking answers to a question I will put forward later.
Anyways, we met, at my hotel, shared very good times for the first couple days and nights and then suddenly she awakens out of a dead sleep. I don't sleep well anyways so I asked her what has disturbed her and found that she had a night mare and on top of that she had started her monthly cycle.
We fixed things up and went back to bed and then the next day out of the blue she decides that she wants to drive down to Yosemite valley. I'm not Tarzan but I figured a trip to the woods would not be too bad so I went along with it.
Along the way we had to stop at every damn strip mall, Harley Davidson, and outlet store causing a normally 3 hour drive to turn into an 8 hour one.
We got a very nice hotel in the mountains and for some reason that night I could not climax during sex. (Thin atmosphere?) The next morning in the valley we heard a commotion in the stream near us and spotted a young guy fighting the current of the water and getting his ass kicked.
I waded in to the freezing cold water with a branch I pulled off a tree and had him grab it and pulled him closer to me where the current was not so strong. All was well, and we gave him a ride up the stream where his group was.
On our way back she bitched at me about not caring about my life and asked why I always had to interfere with other people's affairs. WTF? I thought I figured if I did not get him out of the water someone less qualified would try and maybe things would get worse.
I slowly simmered over this issue, and several others like all the shopping, and being felt like my time was not important but hers was not to be tampered with. (after all I live in this country and she is only a visitor.)
Our last night together I finally vented that I did not come to California to shop, or have a woman on the rag get mad at every thing I did including helping a guy out who was in some pretty serious trouble.
She began to cry, throw food on to the plates, and moan about how it was a mistake to come see me, and how she should have gone back to home, etc, etc.
I remained calm, listened to her, and later told her I understand that the period could make her say some pretty mean things.
She said it was not the period, it was the way she felt which pretty much angered me and caused me to sleep with my back towards her.
The next morning she tried to act as if nothing had happened. (The Japanese way of making up.) but I would have nothing to do with it.
Now here is my question I mentioned earlier...Was it wrong for me to remain mad?
I got no apology and told her before that I don't work that way and do not allow women to take undue anger out on me.
She seemed unable to understand my desire at that time to be left alone and her advances did nothing but enrage me further.
So just before she boarded the plane she said she wanted to see me again when I come to Tokyo in October and I told her not to count on it.
Another bawling session ensued and she refused to go on through the security check point.
I finally pussed out and told her things were okay. (A lie.) and that I'd write her soon.
Which I did.
She still plays like nothing happened and I can't seem to get her to understand that these episodes ruined my trip.
I even expressed myself in Japanese and she feels she did nothing wrong.
Am I missing something here or do you readers think I was overreacting?
She wants to accompany on my trip from Tokyo to Osaka in a few months and I don't know if I should give her another chance.
I am seriously thinking of ending the 4 years of strict devotion to her and the last 6 months of our open relationship just to avoid these dramatics again. But I do fell that I should give her a third chance just because of our history.
What do you all think?
I'd like to know.

potbelliedman 42M
2141 posts
8/2/2006 4:23 pm

Thanks Kinky.
I have brooded over the matter too long.
You have provided me with very sound advice and guidance and I do appreciate it immensely!
At this point I am considering her and I's future. It is already hard enough being in a long distance,open relationship, but add the insult to injury and I keep moving between wanting to break it off, or strive to make it better.
However I can not fix the problems in this relationship on my own.
She needs to help, or move out of the way.
I thank all my other friends who have counseled me on this matter as well.
Your input is all very welcome and eye opening.
Thanks everyone.

ladytramp3 104F

8/5/2006 4:44 pm

Ken, I think the kinky ones gave you excellent advice. A vacation together is not a good time to work out problems, and some issues came up that may or may not be indicators of future incompatibility.

I think what would work for me is to write down a sequence of events, much as you have already done here, then write down the ones that are upsetting you as a list and then describe exactly what about each issue is bothering you. Does this make sense? (i.e. She was mad at me for risking my own well-being on behalf of another's. This bother me because I thought she would be proud of me, and/or this bothers me because it makes me wonder if she is not willing to help other people herself, and/or this bothers me because she thinks I'm a buttinsky.) Then you could even make a list of possible explanations for each problem/behavior that you can check out with her later.

For me, this sort of analytical process would help me see more clearly what the real important issues are. It would help me quickly deal with the unimportant ones and decide which things I had power to change and which I did not. I hope things work out for the two of you. By the way, I appreciate your wisdom and good sense on the advice lines, wish you were closer

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They say love conquers all.....--Zevon

potbelliedman 42M
2141 posts
8/5/2006 6:49 pm

Thank you ladytramp3!
I too am very analytical at times.
Although I know I will never understand her as woman, her actions are the things I try to scrutinize.
I like your ideas. I tried to think each event through to a conclusion that could have been different.
In some events like the guy in the stream, I don't even think. I am trained to react to that situation, and I "black out" or I should say become extremely focused while I am involved. Perhaps I do need my head examined.
As an up date, we talked and she did apologize for ruining it for me. But it is still too little, to late.
I really don't mind her shopping which is excessive in my mind, or even her opinion about my life.
What hurt the most crying and lamenting about it being a mistake to meet with me there.
Thank you for your very thoughtfull and sound advice.
If we were closer, I'd love to shoot the shit with ya.

SirMounts 103M

8/7/2006 9:39 am

Wow, sounds like the trip was a bummer for everybody! I have little advice for you, as you know your feelings and the situation far better than anyone, but in any relationship it takes two to tango. So, it only takes one of the two to be dissatisfied enough to end it.
I like your blog because of the thought you put into it - and your gift for writing too, Ken. Thanks and ^5's.

potbelliedman 42M
2141 posts
8/7/2006 5:31 pm

Sirmounts, you are a dear.
I understand what you mean.
I almost ended it right then and there, but while driving back I thought she was gonna pull a vanilla sky on me.

juicy856 40M/35F

8/9/2006 5:56 pm

hey ken

from what i understand, i don't think you were wrong for staying mad. one of our rules in our marriage is we don't go to bed mad. if you avoid the issues it only gets worst. it is actually better to get everything out in the open and dealt with. so that your not over thinking things. maybe you should try explaining this to her.

she might have been scared when you helped that man thinking you might fall in too. she might of felt helpless, and she expressed it in the wrong way.

you should never tell a girl her comments could be from her period. just some advice for the future. it always makes me mad even if it could be the reason.

has she always tried to avoid problems in the relationship? if so she may not know how to express herself well enough when she gets angry. i suck at it too. i have to wait til my head clears a bit.

as far as giving her another chance, i would talk to her ask her if she was scared for you see if she is willing to get the problems out in the open so that you guys can work on them. if she doesn't want to talk about it and it is clearly important to you than i would rethink your relationship. best of luck to you. hope things work out for the best.

potbelliedman 42M
2141 posts
8/9/2006 6:37 pm

Juicy, you are such a JEWEL!
I like your rule for not going to bed mad. I think I will apply it even when I am alone, but I might miss out on a lot of sleep.
And I will take your advice to heart about the period thing. I honestly thought that I was giving her a way to say "Yes, thats why I'm mad." and was totally shocked when she did not.
I now see the errors of my ways.
We are talking on friendly terms, but I feel that our relationship is falling short of what it should, or could be.
Thank you for your sisterly advice.

juicy856 40M/35F

8/9/2006 7:21 pm

your most welcome and i'm glad you guys are talking on friendly terms now.

hey i just made a blog stop by sometime.

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