Thoughts and Decisions  

pipercat2000 57M
225 posts
9/7/2006 9:35 pm

Last Read:
10/3/2006 11:42 pm

Thoughts and Decisions


Thoughts From a Settled Mind

Chest hurts today. I felt this pain before twice this year. About a month ago and three months prior. Damn rib cage. The first time I felt this, I thought I was having a heart attack. But this last time, I have the explanation for it. I did my favorite exercise in the gym. Dumbbell bench presses. Exactly the same pain. Apparently, it is some kind of arthritis. Good news indeed. Bad news, it’s a form of arthritis. Great.

I love the open road. The most amazing thing about exercise is that when you go back, it feels like you never stopped. Didn’t do any today. But, that means I will not alternate tomorrow. Bike then pump! Two days ahead of schedule.

I have a swagger to my walk these days. I noticed it the other day. Walking toward a glass door. I wonder if just happened or I did not notice it till then.

Decisions

Choices, choices, choices. I have to make a few. Some I want and some I don’t. Some I may regret and some I say good riddance to. Life is full of them. We make them everyday. Some choices so simple that, we do not know we even made them. Some so hard, that they take your breath away.

Denial is topic of thought. Is it something we do to protect ourselves or something we do because we are lazy? I have seen a lot of this lately. I need to reconcile this at some time. What am I denying? Why do people deny each other? Why do they deny the cold realities?

Why do I hold on? A habit I guess. Why are others holding on? Perhaps because of a dream or a delusion. Things we hold on to. Not really the past. Remove the things and does the past become clear? I guess it’s all back to those choices.

Am I seeing things clear? Are the others? So wrapped up in the concept of the action, even when the action isn’t even there and never truly was. Living a dream that soon becomes a nightmare. Then the reality awakens. A cold reality that’s even worse than the nightmare.

What do I do when the storm comes? The tempest of despair and grief. How do I clear the sky of loss or betrayal? Can I? Will I? Did they see the storm clouds approaching and denied their existence? Holding on to the delusion as squall rages. Suffering the aftermath when it was not necessary. Do I lend a hand to clean the wreckage? Can I salvage my dreams?

No, it is better to stay on my own course. I see it clear. Maneuver to port and avoid the gale. I should navigate my own journey. But I can’t deny the compassion I have. The experience of riding out a storm like the one on the horizon. The empathy I will inevitably feel. Yet, I cannot deny the fact there is nothing I can do to prevent it. The only choice I have is to sail back in after it has passed and hope there are survivors.

It’s all I can hold on to.

pipercat2000 57M

9/8/2006 11:05 am

These are the decisions I have made regarding my rampage. I took counsel and made up my own mind. Time to rest now. On to the next saga of: PIPERCAT!


rm_KarmoHunny 56F
888 posts
9/9/2006 8:34 pm

According to Wikipedia:

"Denial is a defense mechanism in which a person is faced with a fact that is painful to accept rejects it instead, insisting that it is not true despite what may be overwhelming evidence. The subject may deny the reality of the unpleasant fact altogether (simple denial), admit the fact but deny its seriousness (minimisation) or admit both the fact and seriousness but deny responsibility (transference)."

Peace


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