I NEED YOUR INPUT  

oldman1776 80M
2175 posts
1/22/2006 12:31 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

I NEED YOUR INPUT

I have found my kids.

I found them through class mates. (Thanks Trav for the tip)

My problem is that there maiden names are not the same as my last name.

I know they are my children by there first names and the two girls graduated the same year and my girls are twins. So that adds up and my one girls name is Karlyne wich is not that common.

Now what should I do I also have found my exwifes adress. Do I contact my ex first to fins out if they even know if I'm alive and get her input one contacting them or so I gust go for it and contact them and see what happens.

Any sugestions will be apreciated


hugs_4_u2 40F

1/22/2006 1:08 pm

i would suggest hunni that u write them each a letter contact your ex wife and ask her to forward the letters to your children in each of the letters give them your contact details if they want to see you or phone you the choice is then theres and by speaking with your exwife first your not treading any toes i might be wrong god knows!

good luck hunni!

hugs from hugs xxxxx


rm_DaphneR 59F
8023 posts
1/22/2006 1:16 pm

I'd wonder why the girls maiden name is different. I don't think they could have been adopted without you giving up parental rights. I may be wrong on this though.

As to contacting your exwife, I think that would depend on your relationship with her. If it ended badly, she could be more of a hindrance that a help.

I didn't know you back when, but I know you now. You're a good guy and I think those girls would do well to have you in their lives. I say go for it, contact them, explain what was going on to them, apologize to them and tell them you've been looking. Let them make their decision without a lot of pressure.

Good luck and hugs to you.

Have tongue, will use it. Repeatedly.


aascrompn 43M
6444 posts
1/22/2006 1:23 pm

I would actually contact your ex first... She will have a lot easier of a time telling them about your intentions. They will be a lot better prepared.


papyrina 52F
21133 posts
1/22/2006 1:30 pm

i have no idea hun,i don't know my birth father but i think i would like him to get in touch with my mother first and then me,but as you haven't had such a good marriage that may not work for you.
is there somebody who could initially be a third person for you,an aunt or social worker that may be best


I'm a

and
i'm here to stay


demonicsexkitten 43F
10689 posts
1/22/2006 2:46 pm

What a hard call My first thought was contact the ex first, but if she was/is the vindictive sort, or just has a lot of old anger and hostility built up around you that she hasn't gotten over... then it might make things worse. But then she'd be able to clear up the "wrong maiden name" issue, and if she is a fair-minded adult, she would help with your daughters... good luck!!


Sorceror07 55M

1/22/2006 4:54 pm

that's a tough call, not knowing all the details of course... perhaps consult with a professional social worker with experience in such matters. logically, it would make sence to contact your ex first though. but again, i don't know the dynamics of that.

congrats and good luck!

...That which does not kill me merely pisses me off!...


Green_Tea_Boy 51M
1064 posts
1/22/2006 6:07 pm

Oldman

I have some experience in this stuff... but mostly from the other way around...

There are so many missing details though its impossible to advise you... and I have no idea of the legal system...

It depends on their age... your relationship with your ex... the legal system... your legal status as a parent...their legal status (its possible they have been adopted if all attempts to contact you failed)... and lots more...

I would agree with Sorceror... go to the local Family Services Social Work Dept and ask for advice....

In the end its up to the kids to make the decision to contact you... hard as that may seem...

good luck...and let us know how you get on


boydcounty 68M

1/22/2006 7:06 pm

I think I would call the ex to see where you stand. If she will arrange a meeting, that would be awesome. If she will not, ask if she will give you phone numbers of the kids. If she doesn't, I would check with local Family Services or maybe the Red Cross. I think I would try to go through some organization, especially if the ex is still on bad terms with you. Who knows, maybe the kids are wondering about you? The last thing you want is to get labled as a stalker.

-boydcounty-


rm_1hotwahine 64F
21091 posts
1/22/2006 8:07 pm

okay my friend, here's my best shot:
1) make sure a sponsor or someone who understands that part of your past is cued up and ready to support you if necessary
2) try to detach as much as humanly possible, to the outcome - as much as you want what you want out of it, you don't really know how it's gonna go. all you can do is your best, is to reach out
3) I like the idea of contacting the exwife first, out of courtesy.
4) Your next step should be to contact them, probably regardless of her position, although as respectfully as possible
5) Don't expect too much but then...
6) Go for it![/n]
7. Remember that you have us guyz back here.

Yeah, I'm still [blog 1hotwahine]


L00kin4Passion 57M
61 posts
1/23/2006 1:50 am

I think the advice given the limited facts is pretty good here buddy.

The ex is kinda pivotal in that she may have enough power to completely control the outcome. And who knows what the girls have been told about you. But going around her or avoiding her as first move would likely be bad.

You have to decide this one as best as you can. You found your ex and you should contact her. Don't bash me for being sly here but maybe if you ask about your daughters with out revealing you already know the particulars... When in doubt always take the high road (It's easy to spot cuz it's less traveled and usually the tougher route).

I am operating under the assumption that they don't know the guy who posts the stuff we read out here. So be slow, careful, honest, humble, and above all be the guy that we all know.

See... that guy is plenty strong enough for whatever outcome and has some supportive people around who care. I want to believe all parties are ready for this but who knows? They say "Time heals all wounds." but no one actually can tell you how long any particular wound may take to heal -- that's all guesstimate.

Your daughters deserve to meet the guy you are now and I hope that happens. You've touched a few lives here and those people are better off for knowing your humor, advice, and assistence.

Best of luck to ya.


TabithaElectra79 39F

1/23/2006 1:52 am

I would say it all depends on the relationship you have with your ex, and the type of person she is. If things are good, then i would certainly advise speaking to her first, as others have said, it will help to pave the way....


TabithaElectra79 39F

1/23/2006 1:53 am

Oooops i meant to add 'good luck' !


Babel__Fish 46F

1/23/2006 5:26 am

Oldman,

I really do not know what to say about this but I agree that you should have some advice from a counselor and I am going to point one that I know over to this blog post, ok?

Best of luck in your choices.


dasher121 37M

1/23/2006 8:21 am

whatever you do decide to do, approach it with understanding, caution, and be prepared. I wish you much luck with what ever will happen and hope that it turns out for the best

The Dude.


southrnpeach333 52F

1/23/2006 3:05 pm

I would approach the ex-wife first as many have said. I also liked the idea of contacting one the girl's aunts or other family member as well. My husband's dad disappeared. He waited until my husband was an adult at least. We found out after the fact that his Dad had tried to find his number to contact him and his Mother had told him that my husband did not want to talk to him. My husband very much wanted to talk to his Dad. He was very hurt by what his Mom did. So I would make sure that you have a third party to approach them if that happens to you.

All the advice I have is to take it slow and give the girls time to process their emotions.

I wish you all the luck and appreciate the courage you must have to make this move.


MrNuttz05 50M

1/23/2006 4:49 pm

Whatever route you go just say a prayer down that path. I wish you all the luck in the world, but if you pray, you won't need the luck! Be strong bro'...


lovestochat2 48F

1/23/2006 5:57 pm

Mr. Oldman...

This is similar to my situation. My parents divorced when I was 2, both remarried shortly afterwards. My birth father was not a part of my life..his choice I don't know. However, twenty-two years went by without any contact..then HIS sister called me one day and said that he was searching for me and asked if I would be interested in talking with and/or meeting him. Very emotional time for both sides..when we finally did.

I don't know YOUR situation so I'm not going to say one way or another on how to handle this..just go with what your heart says...

I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers and trust all works out for you and your reunion with your children.

Loves


digdug41 50M

1/23/2006 6:50 pm

hey oldman it looks to me like you are about to embark on the beginnings of step eight,ands I personally think that yes you should seek your daughters. I dont know how old they were when you lost contact and what they remember, but if you want to find them then you do that. and just brace yourself for the worst and expect the best if it doesnt work out right away, give it time and see what happens you know I wont sugar coat things with you, coz I dont do that to the poeple I got love for so you just see what happens and if anything you know that I am here for you as well as others I'll cyaroun the blogs oldman no doubt

roaming the cyber streets of blogland


rm_single632 56F

1/24/2006 7:14 am

HAPPY FOR YOU! ONLY HERE FOR A SHORT TIME..HIDE AND SEEK


redlipsprincess
(Princess Lips)
53F

1/24/2006 8:41 am

look deep in your heart
listen what is there
and you will know the answers

*HUGS*

TTFN


oldman1776 80M
3164 posts
1/25/2006 8:25 am

I want to thank all of you for your input.

I am going to contact my ex first and see what she has told them and how she feels about me contacting my children.

But no matter how she feels I will contact them and let them decide if they want to have any thing to do with me.


rm_moohand 49F

2/2/2006 5:21 am

I hope it is not too late for this but i would suggest contact your wife first. If the marriege ended bitterly apologise and let her know who you are now ( i mean you are responsible, dependable and worth to be trusted with her children). Also let her know your intention and make her feel you do recognise she is the bridge between you and those children. In short give her the message you want your children to get.


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