Open Relationship, Is It For You?  

ohcurious14 60M  
1208 posts
6/20/2006 11:58 am

Last Read:
5/25/2013 5:48 pm

Open Relationship, Is It For You?

How many of you have ever thought about an open relationship? Are you in one now? Considering it?
I'll give you my opinion and would love to have all sorts of feedback concerning this.

Any relationship that has difficulty Communicating has no business in an open relationship. Any person who cannot be honest with their partner will in turn lose their trust as well. And why? A lapse in Communication.

Look at those 3 things and build a teeter-totter.
Honesty---Trust
Communication


Using Communication as the base for the other two, speaking honestly builds the trust. When all three are done properly all is level and all is well.
Bottom line, Communication eliminates the need for dishonesty, Communication that is honest, instills the trust. They all 3 work together constantly. A violation of any of those puts a strain on the other two as well.My sweetie and I both play separately and together. We are both so finely tuned to each other we usually don't even have to say anything, yet the other always knows. Is their jealousy? You bet their is. One sided? Or both sides? Both, definitely. Do we discuss it?
Yes we do. Do we get over it? yes we do, always. Their is not 1 single issue that we cannot discuss no matter how difficult it may be. How does that make us feel? It's awesome all the way around. Most of our circle of friends that we play within all accept our relationship and would do nothing to cause any weakness to it. We merely look at it as sex that is mutually agreed upon and wanted by both without the attachment.We also know that at the end of a play session or at the end of the evening we will go home together, satisfied and secure. Anyone who wants to play and expresses interest will in all likelihood get to do so. Our choices continually change as we grow tighter and tighter. No one should have any fears of us. We accept people for who they are.We hope you can as well. We always play safe and expect the same in return. We enjoy fun,friends and a good conversation. Don't you?

Anyone with questions or concerns are free to speak as you please.


rm_goddess1946 107F
13518 posts
6/20/2006 12:43 pm

I am open and clear that I also understand the importance of honoring those who are significant in ones life. Agreements are possible when people are willing to let go of fear in their relationships...and that can look like many different things. Communication and honesty are critical in my book and as for love, it is very possible and most probable that most people will love more than one person in their livetimes. Everything comes back to love for me and trust is valued highly yet impossible when someone is not able to be honest. It is as simple as that...

Just a little food for thought.............
If you really want to be happy, nobody can stop you...
{=}


ohcurious14 replies on 6/20/2006 4:14 pm:
Well said Goddess, so true and glad to hear the reassurance from others.Even in this, my sweetie and I, and mostly from me, had difficulty accepting the fear of having feelings that would cause the fear other losing the other to appear.It was through our Communication and honesty that the trust kept building and building and has lessoned those fears dramatically.

buddhamike 107M
7006 posts
6/20/2006 12:48 pm

You strike me as being correct about an open relationship depending greatly on great communication, which would, in turn, require great communication skills. Taking that one step further, as you point out in discussing your current relationship, you also must be able to overcome jealousy. It is almost certain to be there, and great communication isn't going to be enough if you can't deal with the jealousy.

Great post.


ohcurious14 replies on 6/20/2006 4:17 pm:
Mike I think there will always be just a tinge of jealousy but it takes only a brief moment for us to listen and understand that it is ok and just give the other the reassurance and all is well.Thanks for your opinion.

rm_Bladesong 42F
476 posts
6/20/2006 1:50 pm

I completely agree with you curious open relationships are very much about Honesty, Trust and Communication. I admire you and Naughty for that very reason. It takes very strong individuals to have healthy open relationships and you have that. I have thought about open relationships, have had them. When communication and honesty failed so did the relationship because shortly after that trust fell suit. Infact that is what happened with my last one. The person could not communicate with us. However I had a few that did succeed while they happened just usually the person got scared and ran away because they were in fear of the feelings they had. I agree with Goddess1946 when she says it is possible for people to love more than one person. I also believe it is possible to love multiple people at the same time it just takes a lot of communication, honestly, trust, work and very strong people. I would love to be able to find a third that could walk beside my husband and myself rather than always falling behind in fear of themselves, of us, our relationship or what others think. I have found a lot of people look at my husband and I as their heroes for our relationship or scared of us because we are so tight in our bond and connection. Usually we don't play seperately for that reason. We can handle it with each other but it tends to cause the other person to be fearful of retribution from the spouse. Specially when someone has a wedding band. But if for some reason we were to play seperately we would tell each other first. We let each other know what we want and what is bugging us all the time. However where we have had problems is others can not give the same thing to us like we give to them. They also can't give the loyalty. Like you our choices change when we grow as well. No one should fear us or not be able to communicate with us because like you we accept people for who they are. We aren't jealous of anyone else and hope they won't be of us. We may not like certain qualities about a person but we still accept them and revel in the person they are.

Yes I also like fun, friends and good conversation. Thank you for bringing up this conversation.

~It is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved!

Be Good to those around you!

Blade


ohcurious14 replies on 6/20/2006 4:36 pm:
I also believe it is possible to love multiple people at the same time
I, in a sense, believe this and I say it this way, I Love You, but am not in Love with you. And I feel there are many stages of Love but the true,deep,souled Love is only for my Love,Naughtyblond.
While NB and i do still play separately,we have already seen many changes in all aspects of our feelings concerning the extra play. Irregardless,the communication has remained constant.
We let each other know what we want and what is bugging us all the time.
This is vitally important and if nipped immediately, it does not fester and is resolved in a matter of minutes.
No one should fear us or not be able to communicate with us because like you we accept people for who they are.
I think alot of this is brought about because of personal demons, that may still haunt them, because of self esteem issues have left them scarred and find it hard to believe someone can, and does accept them for who they are. I am so glad, you too, have commented positively to this Bladesong, that in itself is a compliment to NB & I and we appreciate it.

PurplePeach72 45F  
9199 posts
6/20/2006 3:51 pm

Great conversation! As you already know, Steve & I have an open relationship and your post as well as the comments made are very true. No relationship is easy, they all take work but I'd rather work at an open relationship. We have also found many who fear us or think that we don't really love each other. I am of the same mind as Bladesong, we can love more than one person at one time, we can certainly enjoy the sex, companionship and friendship of many people. Great post. {=}LeeAnn

Kisses,
LA


ohcurious14 replies on 6/20/2006 5:49 pm:
I am so glad to hear this from you LeeAnn.

HBowt2 60F

6/20/2006 3:54 pm

all I can say is that you are both very lucky.....this is hard to find and hard to maintain....can i come and live with you....lol


ohcurious14 replies on 6/20/2006 6:39 pm:
I don't think that would be too big a deal. I'll throw that at NB ok?
I tell you what though, If you ever want to come visit, our door is open to you,to any of you.And we might have alot of fun as well don't you think?

fancy_for_you 41F
3014 posts
6/20/2006 4:48 pm

OC as I have said before you and NB make a great pair. You can see that you two "get" each other in a way most people only dream about. And those who dream about it are the ones who for some reason or another are lacking in the Communication department in their own relationship. I admire you and NB's closeness and someday hope I can open up like that with someone and I think with knowing you and NB you are teaching me without knowing it what a relationship should be.

Keep up the good posts.

Fuzzy

~~Fuzzy~~


ohcurious14 replies on 6/20/2006 10:05 pm:
Well I certainly appreciate that sweetie and glad you are learning from it. You too can find this in your life as well.

rm_Twister2bed 48M
617 posts
6/20/2006 5:54 pm

Well I'm in a triangle relationship does that count? hehe its not exactly open however.


ohcurious14 replies on 6/20/2006 10:10 pm:
Wow Twister, You really know how to hurt my head here.I think I'll reserve comment but you imagine this, aroused my Curiousness to say the least.Care to explain or want to leave it alone? my first thought would be your conversation better have an A game everyday.

luckylady01961 57F
14 posts
6/21/2006 6:53 am

Yes i do know honesty is the best policy, if you don't have that you don't have trust and once the trust is broken it is very hard to get back. To build a good relationship wether it be an open one or not communication,honesty,trust, is a must.


ohcurious14 replies on 6/21/2006 3:30 pm:
It's no wonder I adore you Lucky, well said sweetie.

Pure_Seduction13 54F

6/23/2006 7:24 am

I am at a point in my life where I do know what I want. Just as you said Trust, Honesty, & Communication that should be 3 factors in any relationship/friendship. I do want the open relationship. To find a man that can open up and talk about everything and anything and be true to himself. I want to feel so comfortable with him and he with me. To be able to have others join in or play seperately, just always be honest and secure with that person...
I truly believe that you and Naughty have a beautiful thing going...

Pure


We can not do great things. We can only do little things with great love.


ohcurious14 replies on 6/23/2006 9:01 am:
We thank you for your kind words Pure. I hope you are able to find a man that wants to share this with you. If you ever have any questions we would gladly field any concerning it.

hotnjucy44 45F

11/22/2006 3:49 pm

thank you ohc for directing me here... i guess my scars and fear is what prevents me from truly letting go... i crave the trust and honesty and communication and for the most part i am but i hold in i hold back because of things from my past and i do truly want to conquer it and i think it will help me beyond anything i have done before...

big huggs!
niki


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