A paradox  

nightstalker172 37M
1646 posts
2/13/2006 5:34 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

A paradox

OK..Here is another philosophical question for you. A paradox if you will.

Women in their arrogance think themselves to be that magical one that can change a man. Mold him into what she wants.

Yet...a man cannot be changed no matter how much you push him you cannot change a man unless he wants to be changed.

SO...who is the one in control?

Some might say that women are because even though they may not be able to change all men. They can still influence a change in 1 man right?

But that man has to be willing to change. If he is not, the change will never take place. Therefore the woman has no control right?

It just goes around in a never ending circle with both sexes thinking they have control when in fact neither do.

A woman will want to change a man into someone she can love. Where as a man will change to be that one she can love and will do so out of love for her.

And more often than not you will hear everyone say that they never have control over who they fall in love with.

And what is love? A chemical reaction in the brain that causes one to go insane with obsession for another and be willing to sacrifice themselves to be with that one specail person? Or is it just a simple need to feel affection from another? Or even just to reproduce with an acceptable mate.

I read somewhere that men are programed by nature to spread their seed to as many women as possible. but women are programed to only allow one or a select few plant their seed in her. If this is true then what drives a man and a woman to spend their lives together? If you are denying your true nature why live like that?
Why would a man ever fall in love if its against his nature? To insure the offsprings survival perhaps?

When picking a mate what is it that drives your decision to choose that person as a mate. You know if you look way back in history the favorable traits in a mate have changed over time. If you look at older paintings full figured women where saught after because they were considered most fertile. Men had to be big and physically strong to attract a mate. Now a days. Women have to be abnormally thin and men have to be pretty. Because of our intellegence we can choose what is favorable and what is not. In the next 100 years what will be favorable then? Its amazing how the pressure of many have influence ones own nature.

For example: My niece has a friend who likes men a bit on the chubby side. She herself however is not overweight. Yet my neice will tease her and make fun of her because she likes chubby men.

It amazes me how much ones mate influences peoples opinion of you. If you are a man who is not so attractive and you are with a woman who is considered a perfect 10. It is automatically assumed that YOU are rich and SHE is a gold digger. How your friends (and this goes for men and women both) will think you lucky or envy you because you have something that is considered by the masses as favorable and admit it you like being envied. Whatever makes you look good to others. To be desired and envied by others to sate your pride and vanity. What does this have to do with the natural order of thing? Do you know what I see in these traits. I see weakness. Pride and vanity are easy prey because if you damage everyones image of a person that person's world crumbles. And in nature only the strong survive. So some whould think we have evolved above nature. Can you honestly look around you and at the world today and say we have evolved?

So who is in control the man or the woman. Neither...it seems when it comes to chooseing a mate its up to everyone else who influences them in their choice...

This woman in the picture...I think she has a beautiful face. Sure the body is nice but the face always gets my attention first. and Im sure alot of you guys out there would agree with me. Do I like her because shes a model?...do I like her because like most models shes is considered beautiful by others? Is it because I want what everyone else wants? something thats desired by many? I do not know her. I probably never will. Yet I am physically attracted to her and would want to meet her if I could. Why? who really knows. What if she was a bad person? Would I kick this gorgeous woman to the curb?....in a heartbeat. Of course everyone then would think Im crazy right? I dont care...I make my own destiny and my own choices no one else will influence me otherwise...I go for what I find attractive and what I think to be a cool person reguardless what any of the masses think...

So I guess the real paradox is why cant everyone do that?


rm_T1173 47F
250 posts
2/13/2006 7:53 am

I SAY FOLLOW YOUR HEART. T.


MissAnnThrope 57F
11488 posts
2/13/2006 8:10 am

OK, my favorite are the women who think they can convert a gay man, because they're hot for him. But I know women who think they can change a man by conforming to be everything they think that man wants them to be... It boggles my mind, especially if these women are over a certain age.

In our twenties, we all think we can change members of the opposite sex. Turn them into gentlemen, refine them, convert them from homosexuality, turn them into perfect house-husbands, etc. Most young girls think they're doing this to better that person. Then they get a hard lesson in reality, learn they can't change a person and mature. However, there are a few who get to be 50 and still don't get it.

I tend to agree with you as far as peer pressure. How many times has someone not asked someone out, or kept someone a secret because they don't think their friends or family will approve? These flings never last, people bow down to the pressure and find someone who looks right. It takes a strong person to not say, "I'm into that person, but what will the neighbors think?"


NickRules999 40M
9464 posts
2/13/2006 11:12 am

My high school sweety thought she was gonna change me in to what she wanted, a Nick far different than the one you know. She wanted me to change my music, from metal to country; and to change my look, coz the rebel thing attracted her, but it wasn't doing anything for her now. Problem is, I liked who I was, and she saw that as a threat. When I think about her, I chuckle and think to myself, "Her loss." As a joke, I thought to myself, "Wouldn't it be funny if she appeared on Springer?" She had an accent perfect for it. LOL

Come into my realm! You aren't afraid...are you?


popmuse01 36F

2/13/2006 7:18 pm

Exactly Night....

Why should we go with the grain on what society as a whole thinks is acceptable? If we did, there would be a LOT of people lonely in this world...some women, some men, all wanting the same thing...to be accepted and cared for like everyone else, and because they don't fit that standard, they are left behind to die off, kinda like the herd effect.

I'm leaving the site end of March. To those who want to keep in touch, see blog for details.


nightstalker172 37M
1258 posts
2/13/2006 7:32 pm

T - Could not agree more

Missann - those are the really crazy ones the ones who think they can change someones sexual orientation. I agree youth has something to do with it but me...when I was younger I never tried to change a woman if I discovered that it just wasnt working for me they I would move on...for the most part I always move on and never givea second though....(with one exception of course and god only know why). I veiw the masses as foolish and pathetic that cant think for themselves. I always try tyo find the select few who do...but at my age or even older they tend to be few and far between.

Nick - wow what kind of sick woman would want to change the music you like thats some crazy sh*t right there...if she wants a cowboy she needs to go to the rodeo not ozzfest She sounds fickle like the type who wants her man to be a ken doll and dress up and act however she wants for the mood shes in...good thing you got out dude...there is not reasoning with them ladies...


PrincessKarma 44F
6188 posts
2/13/2006 7:58 pm

*snork* Women expect men will change; men expect women won't change. They both end up disappointed. Besides, why would you want to change the very same qualities you fell in love with??

The Big Bang was the mother of all orgasms.PrincessKarma


nightstalker172 37M
1258 posts
2/14/2006 12:37 am

popmuse - yep but I think it will forever be an uphill battle...tis a shame.

PK - well....why do women exspect men to change?...if you love them why change them?..simply put women evolve as they age and exspect men to do the same....We are content the way things are our "emotions" are not in constant flux like women's are...thus men think logically and women think emotionaly (in most cases) Thats where things fail I think...unless the man and the woman learn to speak in the others language...that rarely happens..


dasher121 37M

2/14/2006 7:46 am

Great post night, and a very good and difficult question to pose.

I dont think this comes down so much to the natural order of things. If that were the case, then we would be going out and killing our food and eating it raw, hence the whole primal instinct thing.

Influences to like a mold? Oh yes, alot of people do hold that. The weakminded mostly. The weakminded cannot make their own decisions. They base everything about themselves on what others say, they constantly look for approval and the lamentation of others. But they are not a strong majority. I dont laugh at them, I pity them. To base everything you look for and believe in on what others desire, such a sad and lowly exhistance. To not have your own sence of "self".

As far as love goes, its different for each of us, it only holds as much weight as you give it. If one only feels that love is an obsession or an infatuation, then thats what they get from it. Thats the meaning that it holds.

Me personally, I hold much weight in that word, in that feeling. And I certainly dont hold that word to everyone, hell Ive only told two women in my life who I was intimate with that I loved them. And Ive only felt it twice. For me, its a very deep connection, a feeling. Something that i expect no one to understand or to try to explain. It just is.


nightstalker172 37M
1258 posts
2/14/2006 10:22 pm

dasher - we still kill to eat. We may cook it...we may have someone else actaully slaughter the animal but people as a whole still kill to eat..We are the top of the food chain after all...

As far as Love I have to say I agree with you there. It does hold as much weight as you give it BUT is anyone able to control how much weight to give? And I agree with you it should never be said lightly..Ive only truly deeply loved one woman in my life and shes the only one whos heard me utter the words and mean them. But for me to say them to a woman shes needs to earn them. How she does that is for her to figure out.


dasher121 37M

2/15/2006 7:45 am

Control how much weight it is given? Well, yes and no I think. You cant control the depth of the feeling, thats for sure. And its a VERY hard thing to shake off if you dont want it.

But you can control what you put behind that word. You can be the type who throws it around carelessly, or like you said someone has to earn it. The level that they must achieve to earn that type of feeling from you is what is controled. You are the one who "sets the bar". But the feeling that hits you afterwards, no, its not controlable. And its even more difficult to fight.


PrincessKarma 44F
6188 posts
2/16/2006 3:01 pm

That was exactly my point, if you love someone, then why on god/dess' name do you want to change them?

In my experience, women do change, moistly in the fields of self-actualization and personal growth. Here where I live, for example. there are more female graduating from the universities and even going on to graduate degrees. Men as a group don't seem to be interested in improving themselves as much as women do, one of the reasons I don't date here. I want someone who can carry a conversation at my level, dammit!

Now, so as not to seem to tar you all with the same huge-ass brush, I have met a good many men on this site who show a great interest in their own evolution as human beings (I will not name any names, though you'll have to stew on that one) and most of them I like or admire. Some I'd even be interested in dating.

The Big Bang was the mother of all orgasms.PrincessKarma


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