Training vs Passion in Sex (The Making of a Sex God!)  

nightis 54M
247 posts
8/25/2006 7:25 am

Last Read:
9/28/2006 10:22 am

Training vs Passion in Sex (The Making of a Sex God!)

A former lover and I had a rather frank discussion regarding, of all things, "our sex". Now I am wide open about my "softer touch" and will warn others of it. Some of the women my age and older really appreciate it for a while, but then they revert back to what works best for them. Good old, hard, physical sex. Those that stay around me long enough seem to get a little "bored" of my gentle nature. I myself struggle to read and react to that naturally.

Let me explain. I am by nature a fairly shy and gentle creature. There is not an aggressive (dare I say "violent") bone in my body. I have a tremendous respect for women and their wishes. No means no! Only in recent months have I learned the art of "pushing" a woman sexually. It has been a slow process and frankly, I am not even close to achieving my personal goal of "sex god" (I do say that with a smirk folks...relax!)

By far, as it should be, the bulk of my sexual background has been with one partner; my wife of 13 years. I loved her and her body! She was beautiful, but she had no sexual imagination and depended on me for every start and sputter in our sexual life. She resisted experimentation vehemently. With two very tame long-term relationships under my belt when we met, I was hardly the Webster’s of sexual knowledge. At times, it was the typical married sexual relationship where the man just needed some and she knew the only way to get to sleep was to give in. She didn't like to take the time; she didn't tell me her wants & needs. To this day, she is almost a complete sexual mystery. Yes, my life was full of study as I encouraged her to do, but she gently resisted the quest for further knowledge. Needless to say she balked at any kind of sex, brief or otherwise that was slightly rough. Sex on the counter top before work, not a chance! My gentle nature came from her almost constant aches and pains in the various parts of her body. She had a complete lack of curiosity for sex and gusto for life as I know it now.
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Sexual growth in a relationship is stunted by lack of curiosity on one side!

Please realize this is a simplification of the entire relationship and there is so much more to the story that I just can’t allow time for.
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What do I know about passion now? Spend a little time dating the women on AdultFriendFinder! Good god, my eyes are wide open! There is so much enthusiasm, want and desire out there that I never knew existed! Each woman that I have dated here has taught me something new about passion, passion for life itself, let alone sex.

The problem of course is fostering that great on-going sexual relationship where two people have enough trust for each other that they can speak up. I am not talking about in the heat of the moment. "Yes, baby, no baby"....After the more serious attempts at experimentation, have a full-blown “debriefing” of events. Don't take the results personally and learn from the missed opportunities!

I have news for you ladies, your wants and needs are not all the same, and while the sex-gods and omniscient thinkers out there may know exactly what those entail, I haven't exactly figured it out! With each woman it is different! You are a major part of developing the great lover that you are with!

I would argue that I have passion and zest for life and sex as we know it, but my progress as a sexual being was retarded by a reluctant long-term partner. Several years with a lover like my last and I might, baby, might, achieve something akin to a sex-god apprentice, but thus far, my training has been totally inadequate.

After all, should a lover profess to be a sex-god and only achieve mediocrity, or should he have the willingness to take it to the next level with the right partner?



lustcurious42 58F

8/25/2006 5:53 pm

I understand what you are saying completely. Let me start by saying I hated sex with my ex-hubby, it was nothing short of a chore. Shocked coming from me, eh? As for my man now, it is not his performance that makes him a great lover. And while at times, I like it a little rough and definitely prefer him to be the dominant one, it is his gentleness that endears me. And not just the gentleness sexually. The opening of car doors. If I'm cold, grabbing me a coat, a blanket. Having something that I like to drink at his house. The way his hand rests on my leg when he is driving. These little things add to the love, which add to the sexuality. It's trusting each other enough to experiment, to be creative. It is the art of making love versus fucking. And let me tell you, there are alot of men on this site that are great fuckers. I've had a couple of them (oh my, now there's an admission). I wouldn't want one of those great fuckers for very long so, please, don't try and become that. Let them be the sexual Gods and be true to who you are. Most of us, I'm sure, would prefer that.........


nightis replies on 8/25/2006 6:26 pm:
I have never had any intention of being a "great fucker". I am open to creative ways that express my sensuality with the a lover of the same caliber. I am no stud-horse and have never pretended otherwise nor is that my goal!

Thanks Lusty for visiting, you are always frank and bring a down-to-earth perspective!

themisskrissy 58F
2302 posts
8/25/2006 7:21 pm

the day i stop wanting to learn more about me and my partners is the day they better be sending me off to the big oven...

the good people here know more about my sexual-ness then the man i lived with for 16 yrs... (our former spouses would have gotten along well in the bedroom i think)

after i got out of that relationship i wanted to explore everything that struck my fancy... and even a thing or two that didn't, i wanted the knowledge of the experiences...

it is a wonderous journey... one that never has to end... with each new fwb i meet it is like a whole new course... it puts me in mind of a store i was in today... they sell school supplies... the smell of pencils and erasers, binders and pencil cases... all that neat stuff... the excitement of new beginnings... nervousness and new challenges and triumphs.. different ways to do the same things... false starts and taking the checkered flag...

spiritual and sensual growth woven into a beautiful tapestry..

the who...we won't get fooled again...no no!!


Virtue Alone Ennobles


nightis replies on 8/26/2006 6:45 am:
Krissy...

you continue to impress me with your thoughts and analogies.

lustcurious42 58F

8/25/2006 8:30 pm

I didn't mean to imply you were trying to become a "great fucker." What I was trying to say is that you are underestimating your greatness. From what I've read, you have what women are looking for.....creativity, spontaneity, gentleness, kindness and spank their ass now and then. I think my frankness and down to earth perspective shock some


nightis replies on 8/26/2006 6:48 am:
No, it should be the same kind of expected doctrine that should be the communication norm. Then again, there are a select few that make a living leading the same kinds of discussions we are having because the some people in North American society have their head up their ass!

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