The saga continues....  

newfornow22 34F
270 posts
2/18/2006 4:41 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

The saga continues....

So... I found out Lydia was back in town. She confuses me more than any other person, bar none!
And you want to know how i found out she was back in town? She was parked down the street from my house, I had to make a run to the gas station to fill up and grab some cigarettes for my bro's boyfriend and guess who was parked not even a block away. God I swear... that is just a little nutty, in my opinion. So I actually laughed because she had the funniest deer in head lights look. And I casually pulled up next to her, "Hello Lydia." I said with a big smile. The actual conversation was a riot. "Um... hi, Liv"
she looked like she was going to piss herself.
"So..." and I sat there waiting for her to come up with some explanation, and could almost see the fuses popping and shorting out in her mind.
She didn't say anything. For a long time. And I let her sweat it out. No skin off my back, she could sit there incredibly uncomfortable for all I cared.
But finally, I decided to let her off the hook and ask it straight out. "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING? WHAT ARE YOU DOING PARKED HERE? WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN TOWN? WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO YOUR MIND? YOU ARE LOSING' IT HONEY!" and I said it all just like that. In caps because I was loud.
I think I shocked her out of silence.
She said she came back yesterday, she was still going to marry him, she had plans to go back to him early next week. But she had to see me, she said she wanted to just drive up and come to the door but she couldn't. So she sat down the road and had a beer and listened to Fleetwood Mac and Moby, of all things.
Then she said something outrageous, she wanted me to come with her to live in Minnesota. To be their 3rd. And that way she could have me and him and everything she wanted.

It isn't very often that I am speechless, but my friends, I was totally speechless. I am a very visual person, and I got this image of me and Lydia and then this ... for lack of anything better to say, hairy midget. I felt a wave of nausea. And then I was annoyed, peeved, and combative. But as always, I try and see the other persons view and I always look at everything from all angles before I speak, lest I should want to kick myself in the ass later.
And I said, "I know that for a while you did the same for me, and that you weren't necessarily that interested in or attracted to my husband. I appreciate that fact. I know you want everything but can't have it all and feel torn about it.I know your drinking allot and slacking in your job even, because you are so knotted up about this. I love you for coming back to talk to me, I'll love you always. But, I am past the point in my life where I live for any one else. I do not like Ben, I would rather fuck a cactus plant, and I can't do it, not even for you."
And then I drove away. So that's what happened. Now I am thinking if i should have said something different. I wonder if I should do it. If I should change my whole life and mask how I feel for this one person I love.
What do you say y'all? I think that there is a chance I am fucked up, possibly irreparably.
Help, your opinions are welcome.

rm_PurryKitty2 49M/51F
9753 posts
2/18/2006 6:09 pm

I say forget her!!

Purry {=}


rm_2Happy692 56M
21 posts
2/18/2006 6:10 pm

I would say don't do it.....if you can't handle the 3rd (her husband to be) then you won't be happy. There are others out there for you. Trust me, with those eyes and your sense of adventure, you will find many people interested in you. Take your time (you will go thru some losers first), but you will end up with someone that makes you happy. You have to be comfortable with the situation from the start. And if you're ever in Tampa........

rm_spydr1222 58M

2/18/2006 7:38 pm

stay stronge and know that you have friends here also.

rm_KnowStuff 57M
240 posts
2/18/2006 10:31 pm

You did the right thing hun. The situation is hers not yours so doing what you did avoided a myriad of complications. She's obviously not as sure of herself as originally portrayed nor is she in any fashion over you either. She's at the crossroads and not nearly as far down the road as you thought. Her 2nd thoughts haunt her and it's best if you don't influence or advise her now. She'll decide her next move -- and she should or down the road it could become some source of resentment of blame. She knows where to find you... knows what it all looks like... and hasn't decided a thing really. Cold feet maybe? Anyway, your not looney tunes yet and the way you handled it was probably just fine.

Love her? Yes. Help her? Sure. Decide for her? No. Lead her on? No.
Does it hurt? Probably. The ball's in her court. Now, it's her move.

newfornow22 34F

2/19/2006 5:39 pm

thanx hun, and i was wondering... how old are you? your beautiful!
are you bi? Write me any time.

Guy1378Fox 47M

2/20/2006 12:07 pm

Maybe, sometimes there are no right answers, at least not any obviouse ones. I wonder if she wants you to talk her out of it. It sounds like, maybe, she is not happy with the decision she has made. Certainly not happy with giving you up. Running into her like that must have been hard. I know she means a lot to you. As much difficulty as she is having dealing with it, you mean a lot to her to. I am not surprised that she came back. I hope that the two of you will take the time to talk.

allaboutass2006 44M
29 posts
2/21/2006 5:49 am

You said what you felt and there is never any wrong in that. It is when people start saying what the other person wants to hear and not what is in their heart that the problems occur. You are right, though, you cannot live for other people you can only live for yourself and you must do what you know will make you happy. You know that being with Lydia and Ben is not the situation you want to be in so you are doing what is right, for you. Lydia, is someone you love, probably always will, you never know what may happen in the future, but at this moment in time she is not ready to love you the way you deserve to be loved. Hell, she's not ready to love anyone, but that is something she is going to have to deal with and face. Remember, stay strong and follow your heart. You obviously have a good one.


newfornow22 34F

2/22/2006 6:56 pm

I love you all! Muchas Smoochas! xoxoxoxoxoxXOXOXOXOXOXOXOxoxoxoxox
and your 2sweet2b4gotten! Thank you so much, Valley Rat, PurryKitty, Happy2, Spydr, KnowStuff, Guy and Tony, you guys are hella sweet!

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