Drivvel and hypocrisy  

need2havfun76 41M
60 posts
12/29/2005 3:12 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Drivvel and hypocrisy

I feel the need to post
nothing specific comes to mind
I want to be accepted
but to others I say I don't care
On the inside I am sad
even though I tell everyone else to be happy
Responsibility is very important on many levels
so I run from it
You truely live life through the contact of others
so I hide in my home seeking not to be seen
I like to meet new people and make friends
yet I almost refuse to ever reach out

I despise Hypocrisy
I am a Hypocrite

I hold patience and understanding in the highest regard as I ask others to do the same around me
so fuck off and die

Why am I like this? Why is anyone? Why aren't we all?

I think I'll go fuck off and die now

need2havfun76 41M

12/30/2005 4:31 pm

It's fear I suppose. Fear of rejection. Fear of risking what I know. Fear of the unknown. Fear of change.

It's why I post here I suppose. I can reach out, but I don't have to pick a target to reach toward, so it feels safe.

I can shout out, but unless you want to read me, you won't hear me, so it feels safe.

I can tell everyone about who I am, but you still won't know me, so it feels safe.

I'm glad you commented ht0hrny0bbw, it makes me realize I'm not the only one. Maybe I'll reach out to you and others through this blog. Maybe someday it'll feel safe.

craptoast 40M

1/1/2006 2:40 pm

you are far more honest (in your writing) than me. you don't hide in your writing, you tell it like it is. you bleed all over the page.

need2havfun76 41M

1/2/2006 9:26 pm

I don't want to hide here, never here. I hide day to day, never here.

longhairednikki - hmm...internal dialogue, my internal dialogue is very repetative, so it would get quite boring here, even for me and I would always keep correcting, deleting and revising, hehe. But yes, I see your point. The thought makes me think of different ways to post, thank you.

ht0hrny0bbw - I always want to talk, it's whether or not I have the nerve to get my self to.

craptoast - the bleeding, yes I'm trying to spill my life into this world, this blogworld. Brings to mind the leeching healers did in the times of old. Maybe it'll help, I just hope I don't spill too much blood.

need2havfun76 41M

1/5/2006 1:24 pm

ht0hrny0bbw - I replied to your e-mail, please tell me if you didn't get it.

Become a member to create a blog