Une Histoire Triste, Parte Deux  

ThumbChickStool 34F
541 posts
5/11/2006 2:50 am

Last Read:
11/25/2006 1:58 pm

Une Histoire Triste, Parte Deux


Author's note-> you might want to read Une Histoire Triste first to understand.

I call Rick and tell him to be honest with me. He tells me nothing is going, that he decided things might be better for us if I stayed in Vegas. I told him that's bullshit and he better be upfront with me. So he came clean: "I've found someone that makes me happy". And guess who it is? Fucking Julie Mallett. The one person in the whole world that would hurt me the most if he started dating again. Not only that, they were already fucking. They started sleeping together THREE DAYS after I left! Rick says he's sorry, and that he's not out to hurt me on purpose. Again, a load of shit. I completely lose it, emotionally. He said that he hasn't been happy with me for a long time. That he was tired of the fighting and the arguing and my always giving him attitude and that I couldn't do a good enough job of keeping the house clean.

It gets better. He told me that he had feelings for Julie the entire time we were together. That's why I couldn't bad mouth her, or disrespect her in anyway. That's why Rick said she didn't do anything wrong back in college. Didn't do anything wrong? That bitch talked shit to Rick and me and talked shit to me about Rick and spread all sorts of fucking rumors to try and get us to break up. She even left some threatening messages on my voice mail. And she didn't do anything wrong??? Or how about convieniently forgetting the four other men that could be Joshua's father? Oh, never mind. They are either in jail now, or in and out of jail.

Rick is convinced that our relationship ran it's course. That the last time we tried to fix it it didn't work. He is absolutely dead set against taking me back or trying to make this work. He says the best he can do is to send me money and see the kids whenever he can. Bullshit. I think he can do better by flying here to Vegas, leaving Julie, and trying marriage counseling. But he thinks that no amount of counseling is going to help. Of course it won't if only one of us is putting in the effort. But he won't change his mind.

The baby is due in five weeks. Rick sent me to Vegas with $10 in my pocket and a new bag of diapers for our son. I left everything in New Hampshire with him thinking I was going to go back to him. Now Julie has everything, and I have nothing. She has my apartment, my husband, the sex I was supposed to get from Rick (I haven't had sex with him since March 17. The days before I left I kept telling him that it was our last chance, and he kept saying that he's too upset about me leaving with the kids to have sex. But I guess he wasn't so upset about it three days later), and I can almost bet that bitch is driving my car.

Rick intends to fly out to Vegas for the baby. I told him not to bother. I'm going to be weak and vulnerable after having given birth. I don't want to see him knowing he's just there for the baby, and is going to be leaving me for Julie. If he's going to get the money up for a plane ticket, he might as well just send me the money. That'll do more good.

Rick says they are going to get a paternity test done just for me because he is absolutely convinced that Joshua is his. Aunt Tina showed Rick some pictures of himself at Joshua's age, and Rick says that Joshua looks exactly like him. Our two kids look a lot like him too, but he says he doesn't see it. WTF? Oh, and if the test comes back and Joshua isn't his, Rick is still going to play daddy to him and Julie. He's going to help Julie get custody of the kids back. She's had a year and a half to get them back: all she has to do is hold a job and an apartment for 6 months. She couldn't fucking do that on her own! She was going to the bar 4-5 times a week and was living in an apartment full of drug addicts. But now that Rick is involved and Rick wants Joshua back, she's "cleaning up her act". He gives up three kids that he knows are his for one that might not be and one that definately isn't. And Rick kept going on about how he wasn't going to be like his parents and abandon any of his kids. Bullshit.

So now I'm sleeping on Mojo's couch and my kids are sleeping in a play pen in her son's room. We're not supposed to be staying with her because she has Section 8 housing and can get evicted if management finds out.

I have no car, and I keep hoping he'll be the nice guy I think he is and send me the car when he gets the money. I'm even hoping he'll send me money like he said he would. Everyone, even his best friend here in Vegas, says that I'm being naive and stupid. He doesn't work officially. His uncle pays him under the table since Rick can't afford the worker's comp insurance needed to do sub-contractor work under his uncle.

I getting screwed with the car because Rick was supposed to catch us up on payments before leaving, and I'm behind $1100 on it. Since my name is the only on on the contract, I'm the one the financing company is going after. And I can't legally take my name off the contract and stick it on him. I have to find out if I can legally report it stolen since everything about that fucking car is in my name.

Rick stole a lot of money from my mother when we were getting ready to leave. She's completely tapped out. She doesn't work and is in the process of selling her house. She won't give me a place to stay, all she will do is give me advice.

My godmother bought me two big bags of diapers and a box of wipes for my son. And she gave me $30 to help out. She watched the kids for me while I was at the hospital getting checked out, since my old OB/GYN told me I might be high risk now. I'll explaing that in a minute.

I had a complete stranger on the bus give me $10 after hearing my story, and told me to take my kids to McDonald's to distract them and my from the situation. He wouldn't let me refuse.

I went to a hospital this past Saturday at the urging of my old OB. I told the nurse at the registration desk that I was under emotional stress, that I haven't gained any weight the entire pregnancy but I lost three pounds in the previous week, the baby seems kind of small, and I haven't seen a doctor since my insurance was cancelled in January. She asked me to elaborate about the emotional stress, so I had to tell her everything about Rick and Julie and where that left me. So she checks me in and gives me paperwork to fill out. I'm sitting in the waiting room trying not to cry everytime I see a mom with her new baby get rolled by me with the father right behind them, because that won't be me. The nurse in triage calls me in, and I have to repeat the entire story to her. The doctor comes in, and I have to tell her the entire story too. I said to the doctor, "I bet you hear a lot of sob stories here, mine can't be too bad." (this is a hospital that takes you in if you aren't in labor no matter what) The doctor looks at me, and in all seriousness tells me that my story is one of the saddest ones she's heard in awhile. That makes me feel so much worse. One of the triage nurses hooks me up to the baby moniter, then brings me a plate with cookies and cupcakes and some juice. The nurse tells me to eat everything. I only finish off the juice and some of the cookies. The nurses' shift is over, and they tell the incoming nurses my whole story since they have to inform the nurses about everything that happened in their shift. I'm lying on my side on the hospital bed for three hours, facing the door since that was the only position they could get the baby on the monitor for any period of time. As I'm lying there, I kept expecting to see Rick come ing. I kept expecting him to come, give me a hug and a kiss and make me feel better. Instead, I have to keep reminding myself "he's not coming, he's not coming, he doesn't want you, he's not coming." After I left the hospital, I found $10 that one of the nurses slipped into the discharge papers because they felt bad for me. I couldn't stop crying about it.

My daughter keeps asking to go to daddy's house. I keep telling her daddy's house is far away, that it's going to be a long time before we see daddy again. How do you explain that to a 3 year old who always had daddy around, especially the last couple of months? Rick's cell phone got shut off, so it's not like I can call and she can talk to him. I've been in Vegas for two weeks, and he's only talked to the kids twice since I got here. And he didn't initiate the phone call, I called him first and then asked him if he wanted to talk to the kids. How do you tell a 3 year old that daddy doesn't want to be here?

I hate to cry. I've always thought it a waste of time and energy. But I have cried more in the last two years, than I have in my entire life. I have cried more in the last two weeks than I did when my parents got divorced when I was 10, and more than when my fiance broke up with me 6 years ago.

I get so lonely, I have to call. And even though I know it's useless, just hearing his voice makes me feel better. My therapist gave my her emergency number awhile back, and we've been putting extra minutes on her phone. She's even scheduled me in for emergency appointments even though I have no money and no insurance. She's been through everything with me since just before the a little over a year ago. And she keeps telling me it's going to be okay. That six months from now I'll be somewhat over it. Six months is too long. I either want him back now or be over it now. I can't spend that kind of energy crying over him.

My mom has had me over for the last two days trying to distract me. Running errands, making phone calls, trying to straighten up the house again. IT works for awhile, and then I start thinking about him again. I can't even look at the pictures from my sister's Quinceanera because I know I'm going to turn over a picture and Rick's going to be there. I've tried going to bed, but the image of Rick fucking Julie keeps me awake. I can't watch tv or movies because I thought Rick was my happy ending. Even the radio has become impossible to listen too.

If I had any self-destructive impulses, now would be the time to act on them. But I don't. I don't want to get drop dead drunk. I don't want to start smoking, cigarettes or otherwise. I don't want to start doing drugs, or cutting myself or anything of that nature. But I do want something purge myself of all this pain. I want to be able to find something that will help me move on.

I can't go foward, I feel stuck. The only way I see that I can go foward is to get a job, and I can't get a job until at least 6 weeks after the baby is born. I applied for a subsidized apartment that has a 2-3 month waiting list for a 3 bedroom (I have a boy and a girl. Federal requirement is that they have separate bedrooms. Try telling my son that at bedtime when he crawls in with his sister). But with no income, I have no idea if they'll even put me on the waiting list. I know that I have no alimony coming in and I have no idea what to expect in the way of child support even if the child support division of welfare get involved. I don't fulfil the residency requirement to file for divorce here in Nevada. In four weeks I will, and I'm looking for a lawyer that will take this pro bono, there is absolutely no money to be had from this. I don't even have any clothes that are suitable for an interview, I left all my pre-pregnant stuff in Manchester thinking I was going to go back to him.

That's all the heart-ache I can take for tonight. Oh, Rick's a member of AdultFriendFinder. His handle is Rickyb25. Just so you guys all know. Now I'm going to try to go back to sleep again. The kids are going to be up in about 5 hours.

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