Avoiding feelings.  

n8musik 48M
103 posts
2/1/2006 6:01 pm

Last Read:
4/13/2006 4:13 am

Avoiding feelings.

Anne made me think about the avoiding I've been doing.

I come from a big family. I'm the oldest of 9, and my mom was the oldest of 10. Did I mention big family?

A few years ago one of my uncles was vacationing in Alaska with a girlfriend, and his pickup was nailed head-on by a drunk driver. His girlfriend was killed and he was critical for a month- induced coma for two.

He's now in a wheelchair with permanent brain damage, and lives in a nursing home. I'm not sure how much he knows or can communicate anymore.

Because I avoid him.

He was a great uncle when I was growing up. Loud and boisterous, with a mischeivous twinkle in his eye even when he was yelling at us for jumping out of the hay loft. It breaks my heart to see him bottled up in a body that can't move or communicate at will.

I feel guilty, because the rest of the family seems to deal with it so well. I'm not sure what my feelings are. Fear? Shame? Pity?

Are my feelings for him or myself?

Pet1960 57F
193 posts
4/3/2006 6:40 am

I agree with Anne. You should visit. My grandmother is in a nursing home. She is perfectly healthy but her memory is gone. When she see's me she never knows who I am but her face lights up with a big smile just because she recognizes my face and knows I have come to see her.

n8musik 48M

4/7/2006 9:00 am

Thanks guys,

I saw him this week at my mom's wedding. It was very scary, and I cried like a baby, but I talked to him. He nodded and smiled, and he reached out and shook my hand, but I didn't know him any more. Maybe he knows who I am, but I couldn't tell by his reaction.

He's still in his wheelchair, but he can feed himself, and he really seemed to enjoy the reception. Everyone was coming over to sit with him and talk for a while. I think he really had fun being there.

It was painful, but I think I feel better about myself for talking to him. I just feel really bad for him.

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