That Kind of Man !  

JeersPilarSaver 36F
1726 posts
5/19/2006 10:08 pm

Last Read:
5/22/2006 6:31 am

That Kind of Man !

Here i am again...with my stupid thinking that sometimes lead me to hurt myself. actually i shouldve put this writing couple days ago but it just still stuck in my mind till now.

i hate to be in relationship, i dont want to get married, i dont want to have bf for now, and i dont even wanna talk about all that stuff. im sure u all know about this.
Then i met this man.

Not actually real met, but in AdultFriendFinder, of course..where else! and why i wanna write about him?? cuz he keep fucking with my mind and the only way to get rid of it by spill it out in my writing...
ok, lemme tell u from the beginning...
we met by coincidence..hmm is it?? hang on, better say perfect timing! he was there in my blog, i saw his profile, blog then wink wink, email...yeah, like i said perfect timing.
then we continue to IM. This man keep me surprised, im in AdultFriendFinder almost a year, i think, and i never met a man that try so hard not to talk about sex but him. all i can say is wow!

we talk about everything, and u know what?? its soooo much fun. we talk for hours about our life, daily life, jobs, AdultFriendFinder, blog, i mean everything. i never thought that talk about weather with him can be interesting hahahaahah....but thats the fact!
oh, im so into him, its like something inside me wanna believe again that there's still a nice man left out there. and so far, he's the only man that wanna give me something i try so hard to achieve now! isnt that sweet!!

sometimes we joke about visa and stuff so i can visit him. yeah yeah he's so fucking far, or talk about what he'll cook for me someday....i mean just talk about daily life and honestly, it makes me wanna share my life with him. STOP!! WAIT!! IM NOT FINISHED YET! i dont want that, it's just my thoughts at that time when talking him cuz he made me really comfortable so its like i wanna get involved. damn, bloody hard to explain hhehehe.

then suddenly something struck me! im thinking about something and it fucking freaked me out. i success to block my mind from that thought and now he ruined it. i dont wanna admit it (my best friend will laugh out loud if she read this!) but dammit, he made me wanna get married someday. nah..said it!!
no, not married to him or whoever, its just that he brought out that feeling that i already buried it deep inside me long time ago. and i dont like it. gosh. how can that happen???? ok, i try not to think about it too much and im not!

But then things changed (hahahahaah it always happen right!!which i should've known already) i dont mind, i understand and i dont expect anything cuz...well, its only the net, right?
but still my heart feel a bit disappointed. why?? cuz i think i hope too high (my usual stupidity!) i want him, at least to be that kind of man. a man that matched my whole picture in my mind which are nice, know what he want and what i want, love sex, etc, etc! so i can tell myself, that kind of man does exist! but like i said, this is my stupid thing to do! i fooled myself again. i was this close to repeat same mistakes again. quickly i corrected my mind like it used to be. my mind wanna believe something that i didnt believe in anymore....and i cant let that happen again!

so u see, its always be red light for that kind of stuff like married thing or about nice man. but i didnt realize,at all, that it can turn into yellow light bcuz of him(which is must be good, actually right??). when i realize everything, it turn into red light again. with no chance to be green light oh well, thats life !

for a second, just for a second...i thought he was difference.

EbonyHnk 38M

5/20/2006 1:08 am

love yourself first . create the love

JeersPilarSaver 36F

5/21/2006 12:30 am

dear ebonyhnk
i love myself...but now, i cant love other person and how can i create love if thats what i always avoid?? thanks anyway

rm_YONO661 52M
10 posts
5/22/2006 3:29 am

dear mystic, ...
when you're at 25 or 30 then everything seems ok.. but how when we're getting older and older ?
could you find someone to talk to, or someone to share your feeling or else ? (not in net, i mean) .. dunno, i guess ...

JeersPilarSaver 36F

5/22/2006 6:31 am

dear yono661
there's something u can share with others and there's something u cant. and yes, i have many friends. thanks

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