My CHOICE !!!  

JeersPilarSaver 36F
1726 posts
7/12/2006 6:34 pm

Last Read:
7/14/2006 6:01 pm

My CHOICE !!!


yeah, from the title above, its not a blog about sex. hmm....i have something in my mind but i dont know how to dig it. i know it but i cant explain about it. i know in some of my blog i sometimes sound so confused about what i want from my life, what i want to achieve, what i wanna do in the future. yeah, thats true. its all still blank for me. totally dark way in front of me.

so instead of planning my life, i decide to live my life day by day. im enjoying it although the confused-part still there. is it confusing?, i dont know what i want, but i know what i want now. there's a kinda something struggling inside me, decide whether this is right or wrong, is it worth it?? and usually, i dont wanna think much, i prefer just do it (although sometimes it didnt turn good in the end but at least we know the answer already, right?) so what r we talking about now??? hmm about everything in my life, from job, family, relationship, friends.

its just the same with what i've been through with AdultFriendFinder till now (yep,all about AdultFriendFinder again ). i quit for a while and and now everyone ask me what i've done when im in 'silent week'. The answer is to think all this, will i keep continue or turn another way (this time its about my way of life, not AdultFriendFinder). i even dont have sex (wuahhh me myself also shocked!!). at that time i felt something in my heart that i've been missing for so long, that im trying to deny and tell to everyone that i dont need that feeling. hey no, its not love. its just a feeling of needing someone in my life. its been a long time since i felt that so i wanna enjoy that feeling as long as i can. and to do that i took some time from all this spotlight hahahahaha....ok, now im back in track, trying to catch up all i missed for couple of weeks. so no worries. the result of my 'silent week'....well thats for me to know and for all of u to guess it.

and yes, i still dunno what i want, i dunno where i will landed my next step, i dunno how i can survive tomorrow, but i know what i want now, i know how to survive and to fight now, here in this time, in my office table and computer, in this boring situation, at this moment, i know my choice. i know!

either im in my real life now or in AdultFriendFinder (yeah, im sure for some of us, AdultFriendFinder is like our second life hahahaha) as a whole, of course its exciting, but in some way, the pieces that brings all together that makes me stop for a while and think. this whole feeling that i felt now, its mix between confused, anger, sad, exctited, amazed...hmm i just need to add happiness.

hmmm....im writing this for half day. just keep digging as deep as i can, spread out what my mind wanna said. someone just make me realize that eventhough u dont know what u want, u can still choose. and when u already choose, u'll see that way!

ciao!!

JeersPilarSaver 36F

7/13/2006 4:38 am

dear cummalot3
u wont know, cuz ure not here!


JeersPilarSaver 36F

7/14/2006 6:01 pm

dear cummalot3
thanks a lot, of course that would help! but am sure there's more than just listening


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