Threesome  

myfingersmells1 44F
575 posts
1/19/2006 2:18 pm

Last Read:
3/7/2006 4:53 pm

Threesome

I fantasized about a threesome with my flatmates. It was a totally new thought to me.

Threesomes became a topic that stayed on my mind for days. I thought to experience this with people I knew and believed the new closeness might be exciting. I found the anxiety of it’s presence to be very much a turn on.

We openly propositioned each other and put in out in the open in early May. That titillation lasted for days and days. I woke at night turned on to the thought of it. I wrote about it for days. It was the center of my thinking!

Although the idea was still very live between the three of us and I could feel it simmering in the air in the evenings at home, in my heart I still honestly doubted anything would happen. None of us would choose to risk the value of our easy friendships against the thrill of something so new with such unpredictable results. We wished we could safely, but we knew we couldn’t.
My one flatmate was cute, blond and bi-sexual. She had a lesbian affair one weekend at the beach and it was a turn on for me to be around it. I had not really been that close to a bi-sexual woman and our conversations about sex made me wonder if I was missing something. I was willing to experiment with my body and my mind. I knew I could keep my heart locked away and might only test our relationship together.

One of my other flatmates was straight, and as I think I've mentioned, was really too sexy for his shirt, but hadn't had any for some time. I know it wore on him ‒ as it does on me when I am deprived of sex. I had more than one dreamy fantasy about sex with him! Having him so close all that time made my body long for his.

I was straight, but thought it would be exciting to experiment, both in terms of the sex and in terms of the ensuing sense of intimacy. I lay awake even now thinking about what might have happened!

Even after the proposition in May, we wondered, would we be turned on? Or would we giggle? How could we approach this topic and enjoy the outcome? There would always be a tension that existed as we continued to explore the friendship without the sexuality we each seemed to desire.

Now, as I said, I really believe it was just a mental toy we had been all fiddling with for a few days, which we put down and walked away from in the following week, when work began to spiral towards the end of everybody's contract and we start thinking about leaving and organizing and tying up odds and ends. I thought the moment would safely and quietly pass us by. And each in his or her separate place would look back on it with a smile, and probably with a little twinge of regret, a little pinch of unsatisfied curiosity. And then we' would forget about it altogether, and should we ever traveled together again, we would meet fresh and open and light, smiling to each other the way people smile on soap commercials.

None of which erases the fact, however, that in that particular moment, I wanted to do it. And what troubles me isn't really why I wanted to, but whether my desire was fruitful and should be let to grow out, or whether it was like a sucker pushing up at the crotch of two tomato vines that should be nipped so that it doesn't inhibit the growth of the rest of the plant. Though I wish it were the former, I tend to think it's the latter, though given the chance; I still might have gone through with it regardless.

One night, I realized all of a sudden that I'd been willfully not praying about this particular confusion because I didn't want God to advise me to nip the sucker. So, since God had come to me, in a way, I couldn't really ignore him and I said, "All right, that's fine. You can have this desire. If you think it should pan out, then I think that would be great. But if you think I should just let it lie, then I guess I will. But I don't want to. But I know it's safe to trust my desires with you."

And even thinking about it, I thought, "Hmmm. That conversation sucked." It still smarts. And now that we've talked about it openly, I feel my desire is even stronger, but that's just because I wish I could do what I want to do, period. And it occurs to me that this is really the purpose of this whole "threesome thing" - to realize that.

Self-realization would be a key to growth. I wanted to grow in a new way too. Sexual experimentation became one element of life that I found intriguing. I had never thought that I would be willing to reach so far into carnal lust to find my own interests.

I pondered if it might happen at all. My thoughts were: “well, we'll see what happens. Hopefully, I'll go through with it for the better. Maybe I'll go through with it for the worse. Probably, I just won't go through with it. And that will be for the better, too...although it's not my first choice.” I knew that I wanted to experience a different kind of sex. I was unsure what it might bring ‒ but wanted to find out.


I still wanted to know what it would be like with a man and a woman. Two women sharing a stiff cock (and that hunk of a man's at that!) seemed to be a thrill worth the risk. My girl friend/flatmate having sex with me was a major change in thought.

Me having sex with her was another dream that made me smile! Then a man sharing sex with a woman and me seemed more exciting, still! I wanted to know what it was like to have sex with a man and a woman his cock and her tongue and fingers could be making me cum. I could do the same for each of them. I did want them both to make me cum!

Interesting that I never considered having two men having sex with me! A girlfriend identified that the woman in a threesome is the one that gets the shit ‒ She expressed her fears about homosexuality and continued relationships with those that participate. I wonder how that might affect the two of them ‒ but I think that the risk is worth the adventure. After all we are adults! The reward might be worth the risk. The unknown only becomes known when there is a willing explorer! Each of us seemed willing to make the move ‒ yet each of us resisted every chance to initiate the action! Fear? Desire? Disconnection to our own morality? I never understood why I could not be the one to make the fantasy a reality.

I was surprised that my girlfriend back home could offer me so much insight into this topic. She had some friends that had made this activity part of their normal sex life. She gave me lots to consider. She said that she wondered most why this appealed to me after my regret about the music teacher and disappointment with the performance of the boogie boarder.

She said I had tried a lot of things in life that she shied away from for one reason or another. I have always been more aggressive in actions. She has been the one to lead in experimentation with drugs and tattoos. I have been the one to take life chances. I have considered life to be somewhat of a dare.

She was very sensitive to the potential negative outcome. I was surprised that she was so against the act. Her fears were that the knowledge of having participated that could come back to haunt me. Of the people she knew who had participated in threesomes, none had managed to keep it a secret. The girls were the ones who suffered the fallout- whether it was a stigma of sluttiness, or other men expecting them to do it again when the moment has passed.

She continued by advising me that when she thought of experimenting sexually with someone she was committed to sound exciting. When she fantasized about experimenting with someone anonymous and disposable (like my bodyboarder), it still sounded exciting. But when she imagined experimenting with friends, it always sounded dangerous and unavoidably real. We are different in that respect. I have always been more willing to experiment. My mind becomes a part of my sex as I can visualize the consummation of sex now that I know what I can realize. I have considered my life to be a series of dares. These challenges are mine to make and mine to live,

My girlfriend finished her thoughts by telling me; the threesomes she knew had negatively affected the relationships of the people involved every time. I know that once sex enters a relationship, it changes. If it enters a three-way relationship, she explained, at least one person cannot couple-up if/when a chance arises, and that can be very difficult. I still thought it to be a fantasy worth exploring! I have always challenged life ‒ taking chances and risks to prove myself worthy of the next step of growth.

She spoke to a friend who had tried threesomes to a degree she said she couldn’t imagine, and they said that the first time was exciting. It gave her friend the kind of thrill I was looking for. The feeling it left behind, she continued, was a euphoric confidence and feeling of sexual mastery and superiority for being adventurous and skillful. However, it became habitual and detrimental after a while. Her friend likened it to drug use. That probably made it falls into the "everything in moderation" category more than the "sin will eat your soul" category.
I gave lots of thought to her concept of “sin will eat your soul.”

I did not want to be a sinner ‒ but wondered if sex was a sin. How did God view my casual sexual escapades? Was I wrong in my actions? It seemed so natural ‒ to satisfy my desires. If I was acting in a way that God does not approve, I wanted to be true to myself ‒ I wanted to be true to my faith. I questioned this a few times. There must have been a reason.

Then we had another chance in mid July. Before I departed for the States, we organized a little trip to an offshore island. It was just the three of us. Seems like the perfect place to move beyond the talk and take the next step! Away from the rest of the flatmates, on a remote island - surrounded by enough liquor to make the first step easier. Such a small island ‒ and so hot ‒ and so close to each other ‒

So we did it!
I began a part of my life that has yet to end!
My sexual awakening began a new chapter there and has yet to close!


myfingersmells1 44F
125 posts
2/1/2006 7:37 am

This was the opening to understanding the joy of a woman shared with the wonder of a man. I could never have known what it would be like to have a man inside me and a woman licking me, the sense of a woman's touch with a man' s cock.
It was an awakening that opened me to sharing my sex for pleasure for me and my partner.


mm6342 54M
199 posts
1/20/2006 3:00 am

Well I glad it worked out for you


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