The opening tale.  

monty9090 39M
0 posts
7/25/2005 1:27 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

The opening tale.

It was 1999, it was summer, one of the hottest summers I can remember and the most amazing I can remember. You know where we were I remember where you sat. It was a glorious day on the balcony and I had no real business being there. I was sat with my two friends and you sat with us.
We don’t speak any more. I made to many mistakes; I broke a promise I broke a heart I broke everything I touched.
That night we played and flirted not a care in the world except us. You put me on a pedestal higher than I had been all my life. You hunted me. You caught me. Hugs and kisses and cigarettes we shared then left with a smile and an unspoken promise of smiles to come.

The nights that followed brought laughter and passion lust and love. No mistakes there and no regret. The sound of your singing so sweet I wept. The gaze of your eyes so deep I could not rest. Your beautiful naked body entwined leg around leg our arms holding each other, your breast to my chest and I held your hand. You only slept for moments but that was enough I saw your peace. I saw mine in those closed eyes.

The night you were to return home we had sat near the beach. Spoke of promises I intended to keep. I drove you to the farthest station to have you with me just a few moments longer. I can remember the train platform. To me it was dull and Gray a place of sorrow and uncertainty.
If I had just waved, dried my eyes and drove on, if I had just shut that door how things would have been different. If I take credit I take blame as I did not let that door shut. I held onto it tightly keeping it open. I drove back to the beach. My mind a turmoil I spent all night sat there. I had as many thoughts as there were waves in front of me. And both crashed one after the other. You got home before me. My last night in our place all alone. That was a miserable night if I ever had one but only for the glimmer of hope. That the door had not shut, not yet.

I travelled to Glasgow through the night. I tracked you down with the help of your friends, after all how many Asda’s are there in Glasgow. After weeks and weeks on the phone every night we were together again. I saw your smile and knew we belonged. That was a weekend to make what had happened all the more right. That time is a blur. I remember driving and talking. I remember driving so we could keep talking. I remember the “movie moments” I remember the electric brie but it’s not because that’s cheese. But my car did roll uphill. Even if I cant remember the proper name. I remember going back some years later alone just to remember that feeling and picturing you next to me, your smiles and laughter once again. But that going off my memories of us.

It shames me to think of how I was after this time. It shames me to think of how I treated you I can’t write much because the feelings I have now make it very hard to handle that shame relived on top of the rest. I don’t say it for pity but as I type I think sorry. Sorry for so much passed and so much to come.
I was bad then, I was confused and I did things irreparably wrong. This was a mistake I sent you home.

You moved to Swansea not long after that visit. In-fact just a couple of days. We still spoke often but not as much. I don’t know a great deal of that time it was a bad time here for me but I know it was also a bad time there for you.
I do know that in the march I visited you. To be together was heaven again and in that short time we were once again complete.
After that time we spent I returned home and we spoke again. We spoke of you coming up here to me. I meant it I did want you to be with me I did. When you arrived I was still sure. I was wrong for my choices I was wrong for how I treated you. I was wrong to fight it and I was wrong to deny it. I was wrong to refuse to let us be and I was wrong for so many reasons that this was a mistake but the big one the one if I could change one then I would change that one. I would not have turned you away, would not have pushed you away all I had to do was embrace you. That all I would have needed to do to never write this account of the past or dread the unwritten future.

You moved out of your house to be alone. You didn’t know exactly what you were looking for but you were going to look anyway. I hadn’t really spoken to you properly for a long time. We had drifted apart. I had caused most of it and I know we suffered. Our talks were more strained the time was scares. I didn’t know how to make things right and I could feel it all drifting and becoming harder. I gave you space because I make things a mess; I know how I feel when I see you. It’s usually better to stay away. Less chance of breaking something. I don’t like breaking things.

You met a man I don’t really know, the things I heard filled me full dread. Stories of happiness but not your own, what scared me were thing you never said. Where the fun stopped and pain began. You changed or had I, maybe we both had. We used to talk all the time. Had I made to many mistakes already and have I made one now. A call I should never have made, a text I should never have sent. I visit that made things worse an impossible situation I had created and no answer make it right.
I can’t change my mistakes and most I have learnt to live with. For some reason they were the choices I made and look where it’s got me. Six years on I see it, six years but the world has moved on. In six years I expect so have you.


Become a member to create a blog