Fare Thee Well  

mi_mwpm 52M
1175 posts
8/5/2005 9:27 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Fare Thee Well

Mood: dazed, confused, angry (at myself), loved, hated - a single word can't even begin to describe it.

Philosophy_N_Sex recently wrote about real men in their blog, Philosophy_N_Sex. Looks like it's time for me to stand up and be one of those real men.

I must leave the day-to-day Land of Blog. My life has turned dramatic - I've been found out. We all knew it would happen eventually, right?

A single slip... an IM window left open while dressing my daughter yesterday morning... my wife checking eBay on my computer since her's was acting up. Nothing blatantly obvious in that discussion, but enough for her to put 2 and 2 together and start asking questions last night... lots of questions. I couldn't out and out lie to her, I had to tell her - not everything, but enough for her to know what I've been up to. It would be so much easier to have lied my way out of it, but as a "real man" I need to try to fix things after screwing up.

I don't completely know what I want... I do love her, but I love someone else too.

Just don't know if the damage is too deep. Can she forgive, truly? If not, what's ahead? Will everything I say and do be analyzed forever now? Can we get back what we'd lost... especially now? What of our daughter?

I plan to keep my blog open, posting when I have something new to say. I need my friends here, you who have never judged me, to help me through this... to help me to repair my heart... torn in two.

A new "adventure" begins Tuesday... marriage counseling.

Thoughts for some of my friends....

Rockwriter58 - You were right; your arrival at that conclusion was much better timed than mine, however.

APolyBear - Sorry for letting you believe that I was in an open relationship. I knew that she hadn't really granted permission, despite her words to the contrary. I chose to ignore that and never corrected you. You may never read this, but I have to apologize.

KeithCanCook & MzHunyHole - Two of my earliest friends here. Thanks.

SensuallyKatey - You're a lovely lady, who deserves happiness to call her own. It will happen, I'm sure, just keep looking. I'll never forget your first cam session.

Cumtounge44 - I hope you find what you're looking for, just don't find it too late.

Sizzle364 - One of my newest friends. Glad we met. Can I borrow the BMW?

FrndsWBenefits - Jiminy to my Pinnochio... please continue.

Hourglasses - I wish you all the happiness in the world. I wish it hadn't ended this way, or so soon. I wish I could hold you and kiss you and make love to you again and again. We'll always have Waterford.

wyvernrose 39F  
3964 posts
8/5/2005 10:22 pm

Hi Mi_mwpm,

please do be honest with her about EVERYTHING, and it will be a very long time before she can trust you again.....believe me Boney has never cheated but he has lied and that is what hurts more than anything....that someone you love so much as to share everything holds secrets from you, it is indeed the deepest betrayal

you will have a long road to tred both of you.....

and I will pray she gives you a chance, for you can both grow in your relationship to be even stronger together.....and you never know in a couple of years time you may both find yourself back here again and this time TOGETHER!

stay in touch with us and let us know how it goes......even if it is just to chat....

the swingers lifestyle holds some of the hardest trials for any relationship and the experience you can draw from here to mend your own could be invaluable.....

why don't you show her your blog and your thoughts, share with her everything that you are....don't hold back, it could possibly open you up to be hurt in retaliation even worse by her.....but it could just set the first stone in your foundations too....rebuilding your relationship with a better understanding of each other.....

but whatever you do don't push her.....don't be on her to make a decision, be open honest answer her questions but let her consider it all in her own time....

Good Luck

Hey maybe even become a couple and you can both use your blog as a sounding board.....I can imagine how she feels too (counsellors aren't always too be trusted they are eeeeeevil)
or perhaps she could even have her own.....

some venting into the void is always good for the soul, you know we wont judge


Barbiebunny69 45F

8/5/2005 10:34 pm

Mi its stormy right now but this too, shall pass. Keep hope. be well.. good luck.


(Juan S)
2642 posts
8/5/2005 11:06 pm

Of course JF...I was just kidding about the breaking it in thing...
If you need someone to talk with, contact me...My first revealing personal rant you came thru for me and I will be here if you need an ear.

FrndsWBenefits 54M/53F
56 posts
8/6/2005 9:36 am

1) I'm here.
2) Agreeing mostly with 'rose - though, if you find one counciling professional isn't working, and you are realing wanting to work things out, find a different one.
3) And yeah, it really would be cool if you BOTH showed back up here, in due time.

BIG hug - take good care...

Philosophy_N_Sex 50M/48F

8/6/2005 12:59 pm

JF-Best wishes to you in this trying time. Love will conquer all, and with luck and work thing can work, and be better than ever!

rockwriter58 58M
1389 posts
8/6/2005 3:15 pm

This is tragedy.

There is no way to come to any other conclusion about this post. My guts are jumping up and down as I contemplate what you are going through. I am sad. And angry that this happened to you. And warmed by the fact that you are facing up to it.

As others have said, we are your friends and the evidence is already here that you can find emotional support from us.

At one time in my life, I took great pleasure in being right. Not this time. And I will say, I was not right. I may be right about what I am doing and how I have pulled back to reflect. But I don’t pretend to be right about others.

Look, JF you have found some special times with hour-glasses. Your blog is filled with how special she is to you. And your blog also reflects how important your family is to you. Your blog is evidence that you have love for lots of people.

The tragedy, of course, is that much of that is at risk right now, if not damn near all of it.

I think it would take quite an act of bravery to allow your wife to read the blog or to interact in it with you. If you haven’t been honest or complete here in putting down just how your relationship worked, she is going to resent how she is portrayed. That will just add to what you must deal with at home and in counseling. And is she going to understand even some of the casual cross-continental flirting that goes on here. Total honesty immediately may not be the best route when it comes to showing her the blog. You may have to work up to that in time.

And I would also say as someone who has been through counseling that finding the best counselor isn’t easy. It is easy to get defensive and discover how angry you can get at the counseling process.

You are one of the folks who I’ve related to closely on this site and if we lived close-by, I’m sure we would be great friends. We are friends now in this virtual space. So all I have to offer is my virtual shoulder and these words. I hate to see you go, but going may be a must for the process in front of you.

I hope you are able to salvage what you can from all this. I wish you luck to go with the strength you have already demonstrated. You’ll need both on the road ahead.

Philosophy_N_Sex 50M/48F

8/6/2005 6:18 pm

I forgot to Commend JF on his choice to do the right thing and stand up and "face the music."

mi_mwpm 52M

8/6/2005 9:55 pm

Thanks everyone. I really appreciate the support.

Rock, your comment has brought me to tears. I wish we didn't live 3 states away. I could use a nearby friend like you. I have my cyber network and that helps, but it's not the same as having someone in an almost identical situation to talk with in person.

'Rose, I'm nowhere near ready to show her the blog. The details of encounters with J and HG... couldn't do it. I do appreciate the suggestions though.

I wish each and every one of you was here... I need a major group hug.

As I said, I plan to continue the blog, just not as often and probably more serious in tone than it has been, at least for a while.

Ironic, isn't it... just as I'm about to crack the top male list I'm going into quiet mode.

Barbiebunny69 45F

8/6/2005 9:55 pm

indeed philosophy..but my heart goes out to hourglasses as well

papyrina 52F
21133 posts
8/7/2005 5:48 am

takecare and try and be strong for both of you,in what ever direction things go at least try your best no matter what,hugs

I'm a

i'm here to stay

ProtonicMan 49M

8/7/2005 9:20 pm

My heart goes out to you, to your wife, and to HG. To say this is a difficult thing is an understatement.

I applaud you for standing up and being truthful. To a lesser degree, I know the feelings you have, the anger with yourself, the guilt, the shame.

Things will get better again. Your marriage can be stronger, more satisfying, than it was before. It won't be easy, but it can happen. I have met many people who have survived affairs. I don't know how your situation will work out, but know that you have my support.

I echo Sizzle's offer if you need someone to talk to. Unlike Rock, Sizz and I are NOT three states away.


rockwriter58 58M
1389 posts
8/8/2005 7:51 am

I wish I wasn't three states away. I thought I had your other contact information on my computer but I was wrong.

If you revive your account or if you see this, send me an e-mail. We should have a way to talk offline as you go through this. I have not been in your exact situation but I know something about what you are going through.

I expanded on my note above in my latest blog entry, Farewell to a Friend.

You’re a strong and smart guy. You are going to weather this. Hang in there.

keithcancook 61M
18125 posts
8/8/2005 6:11 pm

Unfortunately, there is a price that must be paid for that type of activity. I am so sad for you and your family. I remain your friend and offer my support from afar. I think that you are strong enough to salvage the situation. Your first priority should be to establish your priorities. Then you can develop an action plan. Good luck with it and my thoughts are with you.

redmustang91 58M  
8935 posts
8/9/2005 9:37 am

Falling in love is a risk one takes when fooling around. The wife can decide to swing too, have her own affairs, divorce you or accept an open marriage. The need for new variety in one's sex life does not disappear due to a wedding vow. Despite the bs mouthed by many. Good luck.

mi_mwpm 52M

8/11/2005 10:07 am

redmustang91 - We've opted to try the fifth option... back to monogamy, but with the spice of old thrown in. So far it's working. I was faithful for almost 19 years, so there was enough there to keep me at home. If that can be restored on a long-term basis we'll be OK. We have a plan, now we have to implement it.

candy69sosweet - I never knew, but did suspect, that was the reason you left us so abruptly. I sincerely hope you can salvage your relationship too. I'll drop you an email and we can compare progress.

mzhunyhole - I hear ya. It was never a matter of not loving my wife, just of not getting enough physical attention. I just never expected to fall in love while here. That complication was glossed over in my Cheating 101 handbook.

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