To forgive or not to forgive  

methodman1000 41M
1739 posts
5/5/2006 3:48 am

Last Read:
8/25/2007 2:17 am

To forgive or not to forgive

I am a person who holds a grudge ... I don't forget SHYT!!! I may forgive occasionally but I never forget. And once you've done something to me, it takes a long time for me to get over it and I am always suspicious of you and your motives.

So why even deal with that person???Hell if I know,I have been asking myself the same question for years.

But the point to my question is this ... I spoke with an acquaintance on yesterday who caught her man doing what he wasn't supposed to.
After tears and begging (both of them) they decided they could work thru it and start over. The problem is now she doesn't trust him.She learned the password on his cellphone and checks his messages and phone records (females are leaving him messages but as far as she can
tell he isn't calling them back). She is a basketcase each time he leaves the house. I feel sorry for her in a way because she loves
him, wants to forgive him but some part of her can't let it go.

Now my question to you is, what is unforgiveable to you? Have you been able to forgive someone for whatever and be able to start over from scratch?Do you forgive but you still hold a grudge?

cutie4umm 48F

5/5/2006 5:19 am

forgive ... to me, is what I can live with!!! I can not say what is right for this lady or you or whomever...

this is my take on forgiving.... YOU KNOW IT IN YOUR GUT!
the spouse or partner. the happiness is there or not!
my question is Does it Matter?

life is short love is 2,,,... being unhappy is something I refuse to do! making a choose, is what she has to do! Love doesn't have anything to do with it! because if you cant trust, then you will begin not to like! and then you wake up 14 years later..........and some how you ended up being the bad guy!!!!
so i have no answer!!!!
dont waste time being with someone that isnt 'with' you!!!
sorry it's my nature to ramble and ramble!!!!

freetime648 53F

5/5/2006 5:23 am

I will forgive but never forget....the transgression will always be in my mind and any issues with trust and care are pretty much diminished from there on.....Unfortunately I am this way...and unfortunately I am made to feel this way....... I hope your friend works this out before she goes nuts!!!!!!!!

xx FREETIME648 xx

want2play926 46F

5/7/2006 4:46 pm

I have forgiven people in my past that have done unspeakable things to me. HOWEVER, I never forget. But, I never throw things in someones face either.

rm_chill57 36F
180 posts
5/11/2006 5:51 am


Whispersoftly5 53F
15176 posts
5/24/2006 11:51 am

I think it's important to forgive in order to move forward, but will admit it sometimes takes me a long time to get there. And there have been a few things I have not and will not ever forgive - too deep and depressing to go into here. The gist of what I won't forgive is purposeful hurting emotionally or physically. The other thing I have a difficult time with is loss of trust. I think once it's gone it is never truly regained. I may be able to forgive the action - but what good is that if I can never fully trust the person again?


drmama69 58F

8/5/2006 9:33 pm

True forgiveness means that you have wiped the slate clean, there is nothing there to hold against them anymore. Therefore there is no longer a grudge...if you are still harboring a grudge, then you haven't REALLY forgiven them at all.

I can pretty easily forgive others...because if I am unwilling to forgive, how can I expect forgiveness when I make a mistake? We are all one is perfect. I have discovered, though, that I have a far more difficult time forgiving myself when I mess up, than I ever do forgiving someone else.

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