mesameli 63F
12 posts
6/9/2006 4:35 am

Sometimes when you think things are going ok, life has a way of reminding you that you need to stop and smell the roses. In other words take time out for the things that really matter. Like family for instance. Both my parents are still alive, but the quality of their lives is not what I call life. My mother has had Alzheimers for the past 15 years. For the last 12 she has had no memory whatsoever. She was a vibrant and very smart woman that worked hard, raised five kids alone, none of them ever got in trouble with the law, have good families, given her 25 grandchildren and 32 great-grandchildren. Yesterday I got the call that she is in the hospital with pneumonia and may not make it. Of course I am sad and it hurts to know I cannot travel to see her and give her one last hug and kiss even though she would not know it was me. So I hold on to my sweet memories of her and pray that her final moments will not be painful. SHe doesn't deserve this, no one does. I had already said my goodbyes when I left my hometown of Erie, Pa to start my life over out here. So I don't really carry any guilt or regret. She to me was already gone long before that. I know that she will be in a better place and somewhere up there with my husband and son. My son was her favorite and I am sure she will be happy to see him again.
Well when I called to let my stepmother know tonight she informed me that my Dad who has Parkinsons disease and Alzheimers has to be placed in a nursing home, he's gotten too hard for her to take care of him. Now I haven't seen my father in 20 years and if I could I would go to Seattle on the next plane and see him but I can't. So I sit here with virtually no memories of him. He and my mother divorced when I was very young and I grew up without him, only saw him maybe 6 times in my entire life. I have kept in touch over the years but never had the funds to travel up there to visit him. He still recognises people and it would be a miracle if I could go and at least say my goodbyes to him also.
So here I sit pondering everything, trying hard to focus on every detail of memories of the both of them. Vowing somehow to leave something more for my children then what I have of my parents. Wishing will never bring them back, or undo the damage already done. I just have to not repeat their mistakes.
In the subject line I said threes...why? Because I truly believe bad news, things etc come in threes. I have seen it over and over many times. I also believe that after the set has happened something good will a door opening and it is up to us to either accept it or turn away from it. I also was given some bad news yesterday that I am being dropped from the study I was on. That means the medication I had prayed for, for so long that finally stopped this pain I was having has been taken away from me. and yes the other good side effect too...but the most important thing was not having all that pain. Well I lived with it before so I know I can deal with it again, its not like the pain made me a monster or anything it just helped me move around alot better and sleep better too! So....all I need now is to find someone that can give great massages...which always lead to other good things..but would help me in so many other ways too..and you know what they say about sex...its the best cure for what ails ya...well thats what my Mom always said....LOL!

The good news I got today was a job interview for next week, managing a store...and they are willing to train me! So if that works out at least I will have good insurance and can afford a decent Dr. who will listen and maybe help me with the pain! One can only hope right?

Anyway I need to get to bed, I have alot to do tomorrow!
later all!

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