merlion45 51F
549 posts
8/13/2006 3:53 pm

is that first you have to be lovable. I don’t mean you have to be super wonderful, you can be as rotten as you are and still experience love. What I mean is that you have to be capable of being loved, and willing to allow people to love you. This is something that rarely occurs to people when they are busy longing for love and to be loved. In fact, you should try NOT to want to be loved. Being able to love someone, and allowed to love them should be enough to make you happy. Being loved is something extra, like gravy on the potatoes or icing on the cup cake. Wanting to be loved is selfish, but being love-able is a way of giving of yourself, just as loving someone is a way of giving of yourself. You should neither expect nor want anything in return for the love you give.

The other key, and it is part of being lovable, is that you should already be happy, already complete. Sort that stuff out first, so that the package you offer your beloved is a great one.

If you go in demanding that someone love you according to some ideal you’ve already determined without their consultation, if you see yourself as incomplete and needing just this other thing or person to make you complete or be a pre-requisite for happiness, you are asking for pain and disaster and failure and misery.

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