Men Sex Tips!!!!!!! by Roshani  

mepopper2 55F
48 posts
3/1/2006 11:38 pm

Last Read:
9/4/2006 1:26 pm

Men Sex Tips!!!!!!! by Roshani

I just found this to funny to not post, I think it should be posted somewhere for all men to see!!!

Body: Men Sex Tips!!!!!!!
Body: 1) NOT KISSING FIRST.
Avoiding her lips and diving straight for the erogenous zones makes her feel like you're paying by the hour and trying to get your money's worth by cutting out non essentials. A proper passionate kiss is the ultimate form offore play.

2) BLOWING TOO HARD IN HER EAR.
Admit it, some kid at school told you girls love this. Well, there's adifference between being erotic and blowing as if you're trying to extinguish the candles on your 50th birthday cake. That hurts.

3) NOT SHAVING.
You often forget you have a porcupine strapped to your chin which you rake repeatedly across your partner's face and thighs. When she turns her head from side to side, it's not passion, it's avoidance. (hahahha too funny, but i personally happen to love facial hair)

4) SQUEEZING HER BREAST.
Most men act like a housewife testing a melon for ripeness when they get their hand on a pair. Stroke, caress, and smooth them.

5) BITING HER NIPPLES.
Why do men fasten onto a woman's nipples, then clamp down like they're trying to deflate her body via her breasts? Nipples are highly sensitive. They can't stand up to chewing. Lick and suck them gently. Flicking your tongue across them is good. Pretending they're a dogie toy isn't.

6) TWIDDLING HER NIPPLES.
Stop doing that thing where you twiddle the nipples between finger and thumb like you're trying to find a radio station in a hilly area. Focus on the whole breasts, not just the exclamation points.

7) IGNORING THE OTHER PARTS OF HER BODY.
A woman is not a highway with just three turnoffs: Breastville East and West, and the Midtown Tunnel. There are vast areas of her body which you've ignored far too often as you go bombing straight into downtown Vagina. So start paying them some attention.

GETTING THE HAND TRAPPED.
Poor manual dexterity in the underskirt region can result in tangled
fingers and underpants. If you're going to be that aggressive, just ask her to take the damn things off.

9) LEAVING HER A LITTLE PRESENT.
Condom disposal is the man's responsibility. You wore it, you store it.

10) ATTACKING THE CLITORIS.
Direct pressure is very unpleasant, so gently rotate your fingers along side of the clitoris.

12) UNDRESSING HER AWKWARDLY.
Women hate looking stupid, but stupid she will look when naked at the
waist with a sweater stuck over her head. Unwrap her like an elegant present, not a kid's toy.

13) GIVING HER A WEDGIE DURING FOREPLAY.
Stroking her gently through her panties can be very sexy. Pulling the
material up between her thighs and yanking it back and forth is not.

14) BEING OBSESSED WITH THE VAGINA.
Although most men can find the clitoris without maps, they still believe that the vagina is where it's all at. No sooner is your hand down there than you're trying to stuff stolen banknotes up a chimney. .

15) MASSAGING TOO ROUGHLY.
You're attempting to give her a sensual, relaxing massage to get her in the mood. Hands and fingertips are okay; elbows and knees are not.

16) UNDRESSING PREMATURELY.
Don't force the issue by stripping before she's at least made some move toward getting your stuff off, even if it's just undoing a couple of buttons.

17) TAKING YOUR PANTS OFF FIRST.
A man in socks and underpants is a at his worst. Lose the socks fiRst.

1 GOING TOO FAST.
When you get to the penis-in-vagina situation, the worst thing you can do is pump away like an industrial power tool - she'll soon feel like an assembly-line worker made obsolete by your technology. Build up slowly, with clean, straight, regular thrusts.

19) GOING TOO HARD.
If you bash your great triangular hip bones into her thigh or stomach, the pain is equal to two weeks of horseback riding concentrated into a few seconds.

20) CUMING TOO SOON.
Every man's fear. With reason. If you shoot before you see the whites of her eyes, make sure you have a backup plan to ensure her pleasure too.

21) NOT CUMING SOON ENOUGH.
It may appear to you that humping for an hour without climaxing is the mark of a sex god, but to her it's more likely the mark of a numb vagina. At least buy some intriguing wall hangings, so she has something to hold her interest while you're playing Marathon Man.

22) ASKING IF SHE HAS CUM.
You really ought to be able to tell. Most women make noise. But if you really don't know, don't ask (LMAO I agree with this one fully.. that drives me nuts)

23) PERFORMING ORAL SEX TOO GENTLY.
Don't act like a giant cat at a saucer of milk. Get your whole mouth down there, and concentrate on gently rotating or flicking your tongue on herclitoris.

24) NUDGING HER HEAD DOWN.
Men persist in doing this until she's eyeball-to-penis, hoping that it will lead very swiftly to mouth-to-penis. All women hate this. It's about three steps from being dragged to a cave by their hair. If you want her to use her mouth, use yours; try talking seductively to her.

25) NOT WARNING HER BEFORE YOU CLIMAX.
Sperm tastes like sea water mixed with egg white. Not everybody likes it. When she's performing oral sex, warn her before you come so she can do what's necessary.

26) MOVING AROUND DURING FELLATIO.
Don't thrust. She'll do all the moving during fellatio. You just lie
there. And don't grab her head.

27) TAKING ETIQUETTE ADVICE FROM PORN MOVIES.
In X-rated movies, women seem to love it when men ejaculate over them. In real life, it just means more laundry to do.

2 MAKING HER RIDE ON TOP FOR AGES.
Asking her to be on top is fine. Lying there grunting while she does all the hard work is not. Caress her gently, so that she doesn't feel quite so much like the captain of a schooner. And let her have a rest.

29) ATTEMPTING ANAL SEX AND PRETENDING IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.
This is how men earn a reputation for not being able to follow directions. If you want to put it there, ask her first. And don't think that being drunk is an excuse.

31) NOT BEING IMAGINATIVE ENOUGH.
Imagination is anything from drawing patterns on her back to pouring honey on her and licking it off. Fruit, vegetables, ice and feathers are all handy props; hot candle wax and permanent dye are a no no.

32) SLAPPING YOUR STOMACH AGAINST HERS.
There is no less erotic noise. It's as sexy as a belching contest.

33) ARRANGING HER IN STUPID POSES.
If she wants to do advanced yoga in bed, fine, but unless she's a Romanian gymnast, don't get too ambitious. Ask yourself if you want a sexual partner with snapped hamstrings.

34) LOOKING FOR HER PROSTATE.
Read this carefully: Anal stimulation feels good for men because they have a prostate. Women don't.

35) GIVING LOVE BITES.
It is highly erotic to exert some gentle suction on the sides of the neck,if you do it carefully.

36) BARKING INSTRUCTIONS.
Don't shout encouragement like a coach with a megaphone. It's not a big turn-on.

37) TALKING DIRTY.
It makes you sound like a lonely magazine editor calling a 1-900 line. If she likes nasty talk, she'll let you know

3 NOT CARING WHETHER SHE COMES.
You have to finish the job. Keep on trying until you get it right, and she might even do the same for you.

39) SQUASHING HER.
Men generally weigh more than women, so if you lie on her a bit too
heavily, she will turn blue.

40) THANKING HER.
Never thank a woman for having sex with you. Your bedroom is not a soup kitchen.


jetzommer86 31M

3/2/2006 1:40 am

You know its sad that at 19 I've got most of this stuff down and I still run into women on occasion who are surprised by the fact that I'm not a klutz in bed.


Truckin41957
(Joseph )
60M

3/31/2006 6:03 pm

Thankfuly at my age I do know 99% of what you listed. But I have also learned that most ladies that I have meet do like to hear at the end of the date {that night or in the morning} that you enjoyed their company and would like to see them agian. But only if you mean it. JD


AulaeAgonyHobby 66M
7 posts
4/25/2006 12:16 am

These really aren't tips are they? Tips are a good tidbit of positive advice. These are things not to do. Hopefully most men know this shit, but, then again...


bigbid 49M

7/23/2006 4:05 pm

Many men that want to make their partner happy do learn to aviod these situations, but, unfortunately, there are too many men that never learn the difference between making love and pornos. Thankfully, growing up, I had some good teachers.


zrangerdanger 43M

7/23/2006 8:17 pm

Wow! At 32 I have been with a few women, and I learned quickly that assuming every woman likes the same thing is mistake number 1. The problem with that list is that I have been asked to do more than half of the things listed...and what is enjoyable for one girl is not always enjoyable for all of them. Maybe this list is something that should be done in a survey with percentages; something like 75% of the women surveyed said they do not like it when a man thanks her after sex. I would agree that a large percentage of women would agree with the rules you have listed, but to tell men theses are the steadfast rules would be misleading and probably leave some woman disappointed because she hates kissing and wishes the guy would get right to the point and she loves having her clit massaged between his thumb and forefinger…


AmityLastsVixen 55M
1 post
8/14/2006 1:56 am

Rebekah your right on it ..... sweet/ Id love to hook up with you one day.
On a life journey, my mouth eagerly explores your body;
Your soft skin presses sweetly against my outreached arms;
Our hands meet, and you guide me across wondrous flesh;
I taste the remarkable you, and know I could never get enough;
Your legs ease open revealing such human beauty;
I enter slowly with a steady push, but stop partway;
Your excitement surrounds the length of my pulsing cock;
My joys with you are complete and extreme, impossible to measure;
I push again, deeply, and our souls join;
You arch in reply, as a warm gracious breeze fills the room.


CARISMATICONE 61M
138 posts
9/3/2006 11:08 pm

Really good article,I will study and take it for what it is worth,which is a lot !!.


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