True Love  

masajistaerotico 62M
32 posts
6/28/2006 11:42 am

Last Read:
7/27/2014 10:10 pm

True Love

Una importante reflexión. Disculpen que esté en inglés pero así lo recibí y no por ello quería dejar de compartirlo.

True Love is a feeling within oneself and cannot be associated with emotions. True Love is exhilarating, uplifting, and pleasurable. Emotional Love, though exhilarating at first, is often accompanied by sadness, pain, and disappointment. One cannot love emotionally without pain and disappointment. However, most people only know this one way of Love....Emotional Love. That’s why Love sometimes hurts and causes pain. Love can be painful because we link it to our emotions. And that is why spurned love, unaccepted (emotional) Love when offered, can quickly turn to anger, jealousy, resentment, suspicion, distrust. One emotion can quickly and easily change into another (or its opposite emotion) even by the slightest change in situation, timing, or words.

True Love never changes regardless of situation, timing, or something said. So Love, True Love, must be removed from any concept which attaches it to any emotion of any kind. True Love is without emotion (unemotional) and without personality (impersonal).To be impersonal one must not take things personally. When your lover says you look beautiful or if he(she) says you look fat, you take neither personally. You know who you are, and you are satisfied and you love yourself sufficiently not to be impressed nor distressed by good or bad comments. When your lover comes home late without calling, after you have spent all day fixing a wonderful meal, you do not take it personally. None of this is easy to do, because we have been raised and conditioned all our lives to be emotionally-wired people.

Society would tell us you have every right to be upset. But society is wrong. Society is totally based on conditionality and emotionality. Our friends are conditional and emotional in their outlooks. To become unemotional and impersonal is solitary work, inner work, and difficult spiritual work. And we must do it alone, if we are to understand true love. We are two people housed in one body: a physical person and a spiritual person. Emotional Love is love in the physical mind...whereas True Love is associated with our spiritual mind. There is always a battle going on between the two people we are.

Therefore, this is my definition of True Love. And you will easily see that this kind of Love, True Love, is possible only without emotion and without personality. True Love is the product of our attention to our spiritual side...and subduing our physical side. True Love is when your feelings towards another, desires only the best for them physically and spiritually, as well as and including yourself.

One cannot truly love another unless one firstly loves themselves. To allow anyone to harm you physically or diminish you spiritually means that you do not love yourself. So, establishing this criterion of loving oneself as our first responsibility, then and only then are you able to truly love another. ‘Loving oneself’ reflects spiritual maturity position of knowing oneself so well that all emotionality is subdued and under control.

This definition means that your feelings are concerned with the physical well-being and the spiritual growth of the object of your love, as well as your own. Anything which may harm the object of your love, physically, or diminish them spiritually, causes you equal suffering. And, since you love yourself, you do not enjoy the suffering yourself. This also means that true Love is unconditional, without any conditions.

Now, for True Love this is a big definition and has huge responsibility, and very few people are capable of it. They are incapable of true love because they are emotionally and spiritually immature people. They do not understand themselves, and they (often) do not really like themselves very much. Emotional people are into the blame game, thinking that someone else is responsible for their happiness and well-being. So when they feel unhappy, stressed or distressed, rather than admitting that they allowed someone to take advantage of them, or admit that they are unhappy because they have chosen to be unhappy, or that their sadness is because someone said or did something, it is easier to blame someone else. It’s my husband’s fault that I am unhappy or unfulfilled. It’s my lover’s fault that I am sad. The fact is: one is always unhappy, or sad, or distressed because they have taken on emotionality or have taken something personally. And that is not true love. It is not love of self or of another. No one can make us unhappy, sad, or distressed; we choose those states of mind our self. We can never blame someone else for our emotional condition.

This definition of True Love differs from any kind of emotional love, and may not necessarily be associated with romance. For example, when an emotion-based love relationship breaks-up, often one or both of the participants wishes suffering, pain, or sorrow (and sometimes even death) upon the other. They may hate them, may wish they were dead. There was never true love here, it was all emotional love.

Emotional love is conditional. This means that ’I will love you if you are always faithful’ (Condition). ‘I will love you more if you always remember birthdays, anniversaries, and what I was wearing the first time we met’ (Conditions). ‘I will love you if you accept my family’ (Condition). ‘I will love you if you provide a high standard of living for me’ (Condition). ‘I will love you if you like my pets’ (Condition). And on, and on, and on. Most people have hundreds of conscious and unconscious conditions for their emotional love. And the tragedy of emotional love is that when someone doesn’t meet your expectation, doesn’t accept and comply with your unspoken conditions, then, to you, they don’t love you any more, and that may not be the case.

So conditions have no place in Unconditional, True Love. No one will please another all the time, and every time, in every situation. If they did, they would be a programmed robot and not a live individual human being. To expect them to, is unrealistic, a fantasy. And this expectation is also quite selfish, and selfishness is another self-protecting emotion. Emotional love relationships always begin to fall apart when one’s expectations (all expectations are also ‘conditions’ held in our mind) or stated conditions are not met by the other.

All expectations are figments (creations) of our mind. They do not really exist, and since they do not exist, they are fantasies. To believe in something that does not exist is to believe in fantasy. To believe in those fantasies is the same as the Cinderella’s world where you believe that one day ‘my prince will come’, or to believe in the Snow White’s world that one day ‘my prince will ride up on a white horse and save me’. Or to believe that ‘we will live happily ever after’. There is no happily ever after. It doesn’t exist unless you can create it. And that can never be done with emotionality. And since it is impossible to know all the other’s expectations, all emotional love relationships are doomed to failure, because no one can ever measure up to our expectations.

It is better to enter every relationship with NO EXPECTATIONS. Then there will never be any disappointments. And that way we also learn to live day by day rather than ‘Do you believe in love?’ This question must be viewed based upon their understanding of two words: What is belief, and then, the understanding of what Love actually is. Belief is weak. Knowing is strong. In my life, I try not to simply ‘believe’ in anything, because belief is weak. I try to know if something works.
There is a big difference in being able to say ‘I believe’ and ‘I know’! To be in the position ‘to know’ takes a lot more work, a lot more thinking, analyzing, and study. ‘Knowing’ is so much better than simple ’belief’. Belief is only a kind of hope that you are right, or that you know what you are doing. And no one can exist only on hope. We must have something solid to live on, and that requires ‘knowing’. I do not buy into the concept of black and white, right or wrong, either for these are simply points-of-view. Rightness or wrongness simply means ‘does it work for you?’ If something solves your problems, then it is right for you. Through experience you ‘know’. If something doesn’t work, and makes the problem worse, then it is wrong for you. Again, through experience you know what is wrong for you. You no longer have to believe. Therefore, we cannot prescribe what is right or wrong for someone else. To do so is to make a judgement that we are ‘right’ and they are ‘wrong’, so all judgements are wrong, except those which concern only our self. That is why belief is weak. Experience is what gives us the ability to determine that which works for us and what doesn’t. Living in the past or in the (unknown or expectation-filled) future.

5anac 53F

6/30/2006 1:45 pm

Mi querido amigo

Aún cuando estoy de acuerdo en el concepto general del Amor Verdadero (como algo incondicional y con la "condición" de amarse a uno mismo como premisa), creo que queda fuera alguna que otra idea... El amarte a ti mismo implica aceptación, pero la aceptación tampoco es igual al concepto de aceptarlo todo como es... Puedo amarme a mi misma, y aceptar al ser amado con sus virtudes y defectos, pero eso no quiere decir que tenga que ceder en todo... Y por ceder me refiero a esa aceptación "impersonal" tan pronunciada y decodificada en el artículo, pues no se trata de ceder en todo y sentir que todo es perfecto cuando en el fondo necesitamos sabernos amados y no es viable conformarse con pensar que UNO es el que ama y es que tal y como se entiende del texto; no importa el otro salvo en que esté bien y lo aceptemos, pero UNO no debe sentirse mal o bien... No estoy de acuerdo, creo que el Amor Verdadero va mucho más allá del amor de una madre (impersonal e incondicional - su hijo puede ser asesino serial y no importa ni modifica su amor aunque sí su conducta) y es que no creo que el Amor V sea responsabilidad del "yo", sino del "nosotros dos" y al ser de dos, implica que cada uno se preocupe del bienestar del otro, y no sólo de un lado y ahí está mi inconformidad...
El amor verdadero en una pareja implica respeto mutuo, amor mutuo, aceptación mutua, además de veinte millones de ingredientes mas como el deseo, la convivencia, el cariño, la comunicación, etc, etc. Pero de DOS, no de uno.

Mi querido Enrique, espero no resultarte desagradable con estas ideas!!!!!



masajistaerotico 62M
134 posts
7/3/2006 11:05 am

Mi querida Ana:
De ninguna manera una discrepancia tan bien sustentada que se basa en tu experiencia y convicciones puede ser desagradable. Es bienvenida!!!
A mi tampoco me convence esa definición de amor verddero como algo aséptico, casi divino. Como bien dices, no se puede comparar el amor de una madre por su hijo con el amor por una pareja; en este último debe haber correspondencia y siempre intervienen las emociones en alguna medida.
Lo que sí quiero destacar del artículo es la descripción del amor emocional y que un amor 100% emocional es insostenible. A la larga o a la corta la persona objeto de un amor emocional sentirá la infelicidad que le producen el sinnúmero de condiciones y expectativas que debe cumplir y la ruptura será inevitable.

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