An Open Letter to my Lover  

lustcurious42 57F
257 posts
9/10/2006 10:16 am

Last Read:
9/16/2006 9:22 am

An Open Letter to my Lover

So, you found my profile on a sex site and it causes you doubt. You wonder what I've been doing here. I can never prove faithfulness to you. You always doubt me. You always check up on me. My heart has been nothing but pure and loving. My dealings with men, if any, have not been sexual. I have been nothing but respectful of our relationship and my desires to share my life with you have been strong.

I have a list of suggested readings for you, but I think you should start with Packing My Baggage and Tossing it Aside. I guess some baggage can never be overcame.

I feel betrayed. I write here because it is safe. Because I can sort through my feelings. Because nameless strangers share their like experiences. I somehow know here that I am not the only one who struggles with ghosts of the past. There is a group of real people here who never judge, who have real life professional jobs.

You have been my one true love of my life. Read to your hearts content. But this is personal. This is about you. My times of confusion, sharing sexual secrets that I shouldn't have. This blog was started before you and I even were back together, so read of my past. Satisfy your curiosity. Know that my sole continued purpose on this site was to blog. Also know I will never be able to look you in the eye again. From experience, I know you will never look at me the same again. And I am not willing to once again go through that. I am not willing to once again fight to prove to you that I deserve to be trusted. I would have told you, shared with you, it was something I needed to do. I wanted to do it when I was ready. So ready or not, now I'm sharing in it's entirety. But that sharing comes with a cost. The cost of my self-respect. The cost of knowing you felt a need to check on me in some how. That trust is not close to being there.

For any man I have met in my past, I encourage you to write your impressions of me for my lover to read. And I challenge any man to indicate that in the last three months I have given any indication of meeting, of sexual talks, of any sort of betrayal. I ask you to be honest if you know me. Because my heart and soul has been bared and I have nothing to hide.
I love you. Enjoy your day of reading. And understand that I cannot answer your calls right now.

rm_PurryKitty2 49M/51F
9753 posts
9/10/2006 10:37 am

My question is, wasnt he on a sex website too if he found you here????

Good luck with this sweetie,

Purry รถ


lustcurious42 replies on 9/10/2006 4:32 pm:
I told him I had a profile on a sex site but wouldn't share which one or my handle. Curiosity got the best of him. I probably would have done the same thing in his shoes.
And no, I didn't meet him on-line............


GoddessOfTheDawn 106F
11240 posts
9/10/2006 10:38 am


sometimes silence is better than wordz....

lustcurious42 replies on 9/10/2006 4:33 pm:
Thank you Goddess and for the kind e-mail as well!!

goodatpoetry2 68M
16569 posts
9/10/2006 12:08 pm

You HAVE to forgive him for his curiousity. It's only normal. Not real nice, maybe, but normal.

To the lover,
This woman is SO in love with you! Crazy in love!
All she ever did was talk about YOU. My God, how she missed you when you were gone! She was a total mess!
Her feelings for you are deep and intense. Yes, she has doubts. About you AND her. She SO MUCH doesn't want to be hurt again. That's pretty normal, too. Don't YOU wonder, sometimes? Everyone does!
I think as you read further, you'll see the truth. I doubt if she had any thoughts that haven't crossed YOUR mind at some time.
She's done nothing wrong, but to talk with friends. Women do that!

You have a exceptional woman there, who is totally in love.
With YOU!
That ain't real easy to find!

lustcurious42 replies on 9/10/2006 4:37 pm:
Silly GAP, I'm not crazy

Anyway, I think I'll give him a day or two to read this stuff, then just delete all these posts. There are to many secrets contained in my writings here. About my doubts, my temptations. I really don't think I can look him in the eye again and feel good about me, and that's something I have to be able to do. There will be something in my writings that will be misconstrued, misunderstood and I won't spend a lifetime answering to them.

digdug41 50M

9/10/2006 3:55 pm

to your lover LC hey man ya got nothing to worry about she is a stand up gal here and funny at times at least to me 'cause she worries about what you think and ok to be a teenager in saying this if your the one getting the punani then dont sweat it we're the one's who envy you

roaming the cyber streets of blogland

lustcurious42 replies on 9/10/2006 4:48 pm:
Thanks Dig........I'm sure he's getting a laugh at my writings

lustcurious42 57F

9/10/2006 6:17 pm

I guess I should have shared long before now about the friends I had met from here. I mean my true friends, some of you are blog friends and we give advice back and forth, some of you I have met in person. This site has such negativity, that it is nothing but sex and only people looking for sex. Sometimes to me, it seems so much the opposite. We ended up, at least the people I know, being a silly group of singles, who were free to be ourselves. We'd go to meets and most of us all went home alone. It was funny how we found friendship on a sex site. Oh sure, some of us found sex at times. There was that rarity when things click. But for me personally, and I believe most of the people that I met, the meets were never about sex. In fact, when you'd get an e-mail from someone asking if people hooked up there, we'd usually tell them it wasn't the place for them. So anyway, I should have been more forthcoming about my past, my knowing people from a site like this, but most people don't understand that side of this site, the simpicity of friendship.

rm_Kingcat4U2 66M
2799 posts
9/10/2006 6:18 pm

Bummer! Bummer that you feel betrayed and untrusted.
Bummer that he feels so insecure. We spend so much time searching
for someone we can share our lives with, who will accept us and
love us for who we are, not who someone thinks we should be. And you
two were doing so good. I hope you both work this out and can
put it behind you. You're a class act all the way, and we all
enjoy success stories. Wishing you both the best.

lustcurious42 replies on 9/10/2006 9:34 pm:
I should have told him, so my mistake. Sometimes honesty is hard. Especially if you think someone won't understand. I'm sure there are parts in these readings that bother him, others that make him smile. He knows me well and I'm sure there are few things that will shock him. I just need to come to grips with my feelings on this.

Thank you for the well wishes

nightis 54M

9/10/2006 9:51 pm

OK...I guess that I assumed that you would have shared at least some of all this with him. To him, I would say, don't worry, read the recent words, believe them move on. My former lover stopped visiting my blog even though she was the inspiration for so much happiness and creativity. Will my new friend be the same? I am not sure, but clearly people can be threatened by anything that allows us to be so intimate in the knowledge of others.

Don't worry, this too shall pass!

lustcurious42 replies on 9/10/2006 9:58 pm:
Sharing and honesty are so different. I shared some of my adventures (shoot, maybe I shared them all) but I was embarrassed about this site and about meeting guys from here in the past. And I'm guilty of a lie of not telling about the night I went to the one party, you know, the night you were there..........actually, to be honest, I lied about where I went. Not who I was with. Just about where I went and the nature of the party. Lies aren't a very solid foundation for a relationship. In every other way I have been open and honest. Thanks for the note

maggie2108 64F  
57 posts
9/11/2006 10:06 pm

Lust, I'm sorry you had to deal with this. Honest I am. If not for this site, I never would have met or found such good friends as I have in you and Rainbow and what you both have become to me. I value that friendship a lot too.

And no, it's not just about sex really, it's more of an idea of being open minded and accepting. Oh sure, there are those who are here for only the sex, but then there are those who are here for more than the sex.

Lust, I'd like to say, there is no need to be ashamed, but I know you well enough I think, to know that won't be the case. But try not to be. Be who you are.

lustcurious42 replies on 9/11/2006 10:26 pm:
Thank you Maggie. You and Rainbow were right though and I should have shared with him earlier. Now I will just bring him to meet you both and make sure that I don't have any further secrets.
And I know things are hard for you now, I hope there's sunlight in those days!!
I hope things are ok with you. We need to talk soon and go and have a pop..........

lustcurious42 replies on 9/11/2006 10:28 pm:
p.s. I got kinda teary-eyed reading your response
damn hormones

rainbowflier722 55F

9/11/2006 11:01 pm

Hmmmmmmm.....well girlie:
As maggie just stated if not for this site we would not have the "female" soul mates we have found in each other *wipes tear*fricken hormones *G*
Now,as for your lover of LC:She made a mistake,have we not all at one time or another? But, where lyes the intent? The soul and heart of the one who erred? Do any of us really want someone perfect;when we are all so far from that goal ourselves????
Lusty baby,hang in there

tenorsaxxman 67M

9/13/2006 4:17 am

"I am not a crook . . . " - Richard Nixon
I really don't understand why you feel a need to apologize or justify yourself to anyone, husband or not.
I have found you to be a bright, intelligent woman of discriminating taste (since you have read some of my poetry).
No, I don't think of sex on this site; I think of friends I have made and the myriad numbers of people who have similar problems in dealing with life, and the benefit of learning from their experiences and sharing mine.
To the husband: lighten up dude! She's a wonderful lady in every sense of the word.
The Saxman has spoken.


lustcurious42 replies on 9/15/2006 7:17 pm:
Thank you

warmandsexy52 65M
13164 posts
9/13/2006 6:17 pm

If he truly loves you he will listen to what you have to say. He needs to read the blogs, the comments to fully understand. Perhaps if he got involved himself, or you redefined yourself as a couple like Purry, he would come to understand. But it is difficult to explain our "innocence" when there are so many smoking sex-pistols around, and many of us share that experience. The comments on this post alone would say so much ..... and I do hope he both reads and assimilates them.

Because this is a sex personals site it is so much easier to feel you can write almost anything that would be so difficult on "open web", and that's due to understandings within the audience ..... i.e. ourselves. As such it presents freedoms that simply aren't available elsewhere for us to express ourselves in a number of ways, not just sexual.

And the friendships here are important, while at the same time it doesn't automatically follow that they compromise relationships.

Now that he has "found" you ..... let him read .... it should be a journey of revelation for him too about the fine human being you are.

warm xx

lustcurious42 replies on 9/15/2006 7:18 pm:
I think he luvs me......and thank you for your support and comments!

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