lund0069 48M
74 posts
7/2/2006 11:37 pm

Last Read:
7/3/2006 11:44 pm



Well...i managed to squeeze through and sttod before her where she had kindly ordered my favourite fruit juice...so nice of her...

i stood there looking at her and she at me and tho I had thought that I had reached a stage where I can only be good friends with her...I was somehow overcome with some sudden and uncontrollable screaming in my mindless void asking me to take her in my arm and carry her as i used to...it took superhuman effort on my part to refrain myself..it was the first inkling that i had fooled myself...into the blv that i would not be getting flashbacks or feel her love overpowering me.

what a fool i was...my heart was much calmer when she was out of sight...tho she was in my mind.

hey...i told myself...she is your friends wife...tho after their marriage that friend really did not want to be a friend anymore
,,,well who cld blame him? he did not like to be close to me...lest i got too close to her again..

anyway...i sat down and meekly shook hands with her as she quietly used a petname given to me by her and asked how i was doing. so we started talking abt our families...kids and our careers. i knew her entire immediate family and she knew mine and we sat there for 2 hours talking about everythinh that happened to us in the past 11 years..after we separated...well almost everything

the awkward moment was when we spoke of each others separation...clearly the hurt in both of us was still there after all these years...

thankfully the hurt was not against each other but to the circumstances and the fact that we were victimes of our circumstances and in a way of our own success.

it was getting late she said...she would have to be home..before her hubby came back..she laughingly told me that she could not mention my name to her hubby..and that she had told him that she was meeting another friend...it was a sudden jolt to me to remind me that she was someone else's. Indeed the same way as I was..I reminded myself.

she knew that her hubby was arranged to be intoduced by me...from our friends...but she never got the strength to meet up with me till now...

we should meet up more often she said as i looked her in the eyes...and i knew that she was lying...
and i could not blame her...i smiled at her as she returned my look...she knew tha ti knew that it was lie.

i did not realise that the love i had for her had not diminished one single bit all these years...i cannot be a simple friend to her...i may have been paying lip service to my own logic telling me that i can just be a friend to her but my emotions told me otherwise...the cold turkey and the forced separation had only helped us to be rehabilitated when we are out of each other's sights but not when we are in each other's company.. obviuolsy we may have been out of sight but the ambers were still there waiting to be rekindled..and that should not happen.

as i bade her farewell....i knew that both of us after this meeting would have to erase each others thots from our minds...we had our obligations to each other's spouses.

well what was the use of the meeting?? we needed to know if we could ever be only friends...our meeting only served to reinforce in both of us the truth whcih i suppose we knew all along that it would not be possible.

We may have separated, but I have a happy and clear conscience in the knowledge that she is doing well for herself...and that she is also happy wih her hubby.

we cannot get all the things we desire in life..but we have to make the best of what life desires for us. i guess that is the unspoken philosophy which both of us are adhering to...but at the back of our minds lurk the undisputed truth...

does that mean i am less happy...nope..in fact i am glad that she gave me an opportunity to have a chance to see her, tho i doubt we will see each other again by design..

life's blessings are many fold and i thank that i was blessed to know her and love her. that is all i can say...

many a times i have told myself...if indeed the hurt in keeping her would be greater for her than the hurt for me in freeing her...i had to take it upon myself to free her and that is what i did those years ago. i still believe that i made the right decision and the meeting only served to strengthen it.

anyway...those who know me personally, only know me as the ever smiling and jovial character... and will wonder why i am writing this...
seriously, i do not know any other reason other than that i just needed to get it off the chest..
i couldn't "talk" to anyone else here...

so i apologise for my confused and aimless writing and i am so sorry folks to have bored you...but i will be myself again...after i lay to rest her thots in the absyss of my heart till another day and another time.

well take care all

happyladychat 49F
3740 posts
7/3/2006 2:42 am

Hello, Friend, why apologise? This is your blog, remember? You can write anything as long as you're comfortable sharing.

...if indeed the hurt in keeping her would be greater for her than the hurt for me in freeing her...i had to take it upon myself to free her and that is what i did those years ago. i still believe that i made the right decision and the meeting only served to strengthen it.

Well, love is not between 2 persons. There are many external factors that might prevent two to become one. I think you are very brave to do what you did. I'm a hopeless romantic. Like you, I rather part with my love and let him live in peace, than trying to stay together with him, and let us live in conflicts and misery. LOVE is not about possessing a person but letting go, if required.

Anyway, lovers will always have each other's memories deep down inside.... just like you and your beloved.

Hope that by writing this, it will somehow bring closure to your unspoken love.

Take care too.

Make it your challenge.... turn me ON!!

goodtry 57M
918 posts
7/3/2006 3:18 am

Well you will have to let it go knowing that there is no possibility to be together. However for such instance, it is not possible to erase it totally from your memory, thus you will have to leave it in your heart.

You will have to control the fire in your heart to make sure that you don't entangle into complicated issues since you can easily meet each other.

Burning fire when goes wild certain kills.

Serenely_Yours 118

7/3/2006 4:38 am

Its gonna be tough for both hearts.
Sometimes its better to be left untouched.
Sometimes its just a twist of fate that could bring back to where both hearts belong.
Just take care, my friend.

٭ ˚ °◦○☻ Serenely Yours ☺○◦° ˚ ٭

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