rm_lovesk8ters 30F
52 posts
7/28/2006 1:42 am

Today is not starting to be a good day..and lately I have found myself more and more sexually and emotionally frustrated...I can't seem to stop..never mind. See there I go avoiding the situation..grr. Sometimes I feel like just staying a virgin and taking the easy way out..lol.. Megan is moving back..I am excited about that..that means me and her will be seeing LOTS more of each other..lol. She told me she loves me, I went silent and we got into a fight about me not saying it back. I can't lie to her and tell her that I do..I don't know if I do, she started to cry...I feel bad. She has her boyfriend yet she still wants me which makes no sense at all. She knows that I can't commit to anyone yet she still insists on trying a relationship with me..I can't take a relationship with her because she is with someone else and I am afraid for her to get to close to me..when people do that I run away from them..I keep running in circles it seems trying to get close enough to someone yet blocking them out so they can't get to close. There are times when I feel like opening up myself to others and talking yet there seems to be more times where I just clam up and space out..I want to live and enjoy life not space out or run away from the people who really want to be there for me. It seems the more progress people make with me the more distant I become. I just want to scream I feel as if I am waisting and withering away. So much is on my mind...I am just writing things as they come to me. This is the mind of someone who is afraid to love and be loved back. I have so much to give yet I can't seem to figure out a way for me to give it unless I open up completely and become vulnerable. I am not comfortable when I am opening up... I don't want to be judged for my past because thats not who I am. There is so much blocking me from letting go and I hate the drama of it all I REALLY do. I am not a dramatic person yet I created it with my stubborn ass all because I couldn't say three little words...

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