Being a Grown-up  

lovemetouchme5 52F
1534 posts
6/5/2006 9:19 pm

Last Read:
8/19/2006 6:15 pm

Being a Grown-up

WARNING! This post is definitely filled with animosity, but I am so pissed off right now, I had to write about it! (Side note: This might be my evil twin PMS talking, but regardless, she can probably say it better than I can!)

A few posts back I spoke of having to break it off with a friend of mine because he was moving back home. I was really hurting.

For a couple of weeks I was still unsure if I was making the right decision. We talked about doing different things, like taking a break for a couple of months (Like in Affair to Remember). We talked about what could happen in those two months…

A) We would have patched things up with our spouses, and we would never speak again.
We would have patched things up with our spouses, but remain friends.
C) Neither of us would have patched things up with our spouses, and I would have found someone else.
D) Neither of us would have patched things up with our spouses, and we would get together.
E) Neither of us would have patched things up with our spouses, and he would have found someone else.
F) I would have patched things up with hubby, but he would not be able to patch things up with his wife.
G) He would have patched things up with his wife, but I would not be able to patch things up with my hubby.

Well the thought of going that long without contact was devastating for both of us. And the thought of me finding someone else was unbearable for him (or so he said) *It is amazing, every time in the past I would mention that I was seeing other men, he would all of a sudden become so attentive! He said that he could not stand the thought that I would have found someone else.

The more I thought about it, the more I realized I couldn't let go!!! I kept thinking that we were going to be together for a long time; that things would work out. I mean, we saw each other before he moved out, so why not continue afterwards? I just wouldn't have as much time with him.

Well last week I saw a different side of him... THE LIAR!!!! I hate it when people lie to me! I mean what's the point? The SOB looked at me straight in the face and LIED TO ME! When I confronted him, he admitted the truth. He told me he didn't want to hurt me! HAAAAA! It hurt me worse finding out that he lied!

He’s such a player. He cannot live without at least two women in his life. I guess he feels like he needs a back-up just in case one goes away! Case in point, a few months ago we had a disagreement. Not more than two days later he was already talking to someone else! In the meantime, I was always honest with him that I was talking to other men.

I also made the realization that when we first started seeing each other, he was the CHASER, and I was the CHASEE…It was kinda cool to have someone so “ga ga” over me! Then throughout the rest of the relationship, I was the CHASER. I would be the one to initiate contact. I would always be the one to go see him. I made it so easy for him! I mean, he didn’t have to burn his gas! When I would leave his house late at night, he could go to bed. I had about an hour’s drive home! Oh, but it was soooooo worth it! NOT!!!!!

On Friday I had finally decided that I was going to tell him that I couldn’t deal with his lying, his drama, and his home issues ‒ with him period! I was going to tell him it was over! We made arrangements to meet Saturday morning. He then texts me on Saturday and tells me he can’t make it. Well that’s all good. He’s just making it easier for me to tell him it’s over. After a few texts back and forth, he told me he would meet me tonight after work. Well guess what folks??? HE CANCELLED AGAIN!!! I don’t have time for this shit!!!! One of us has to be the grown up!

So my question to you all is….. What IS the grown-up thing to do?

Do I just let things go, and not even tell him it’s over? If he contacts me, should I talk to him? Should I make an effort to get in touch with him so I CAN tell him?

What I really feel like doing is telling his wife! Yea, I know that would not be the grown up thing to do, but I’m pissed!

On top of all of this, during this time, I had met someone else that I had really started to like a lot, but I basically put him on hold while I worried about this MF!

puntachueca 106M

6/5/2006 9:40 pm

I think you are too good and kind and wonderful to take this kind of crap.
Move is hard, but every day something new pops up...and a lesson has been learned.

A thought...did you know that for a redwood tree seed to germinate it has to be burned first?

MissKittyNip26 107F

6/5/2006 10:02 pm

My my my.. I can TELL you what to do all day long (leave him the fuck alone!), but you actually taking the advice is another story. Unlike YOU, myself and other readers have NO FEELINGS for this jackass, so it's easy to tell you "you deserve better", "leave him", "don't even call him", "ignore his calls", "write him a fuck-off letter", etc. BUT.. I'm not gonna do all 'cause really, IMO, only YOU know what would work for you. Whatever your feelings/heart/mind tell you to do, then do that! I'm just hoping your feelings will tell him to fuck off...LOL! But, I know what we say won't matter, because when I used to bitch about issues and lies I dealt with with #8, many people tried to tell me the quoted things above, but I didn't! Anyway, he really sounds like an ass though.. I can't believe he would have you drive an hour to him!! And then he's hittin' up an ex-friend of yours?!? BLAH! He's a loser.. Whatever you do, you can definitely vent about it here.. I'll be listening!!

rm_Smile_My_Way 60M
1519 posts
6/5/2006 10:18 pm

I have never been in this situation, but have always wondered why do people put themselves through hell before letting go? I have seen this so many times over the years.

From what I have read here on this post, I would say; "don't worry about meeting him or even calling him" Just try to move on and if he calls and wants to meet, just tell him "I don't want to see you or talk to you anymore" and hang up. But then that's easy for me to say. I'm not the one breaking up. I don't know the whole story, I'm sure there is more to it then what you have wrote here.

rm_Smile_My_Way 60M
1519 posts
6/5/2006 10:25 pm

Hi Misskittynip; I remember what you went though with No.8. You are speaking from experience. She's right we all tried to tell her to let go.

digdug41 50M

6/6/2006 7:31 pm

if he is just causing you unneeded stress and misery then ya gotta let'em be coz he's not feelin what your feelin so keep it moving your better off in the long run

roaming the cyber streets of blogland

tillerbabe 57F

6/7/2006 12:52 am

So this is "copy and paste" thing ..sorry 'bout that - but I'm exhausted.
I'm just drifting in to give you my most humble gratitude for your words. Thank you from the bottom, top, sides and the very center of my heart.

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