CONFLICT ::: CLASH BETWEEN TRADITIONAL TAUGHT VALUES; OR,,,  

lonesomefornow2 66F
102 posts
7/28/2006 8:51 am
CONFLICT ::: CLASH BETWEEN TRADITIONAL TAUGHT VALUES; OR,,,


what i have been taught to believe in as solid, written in stone,, things that are supposed to be, family , community ,etc. values compared to reality as it existed for me...and the denial i live with that something doesn't add up if it is reaping what you've sown....everything i have been taught to believe is on the block,,whether it be the traditions of men or the trust to believe in anything solid,,,every card is face up on my table,,i do not recognize the players across from me,,but i know that with the final outcome it really has little impact on anyone but me...within one generation,,the markers or identity placement of my life will cease,,when i am gone ,,no one will have a map of where i came from,,it started with the stigma of being married to a native american,,my great-great grandmother on mother's side,,she is listed as initals only and not family ones,either...great,great grandpapa remarried,but listing for that side of family of course was not mentioned much...in the new one... now,, new twist,, got it coming from father's side ,too,, father's irish and it wasn't about being indian that they rejected ,,it was i was from another union and a girl of all horrors of my day and birth...so now they don't want to acknowledge me either,,shit from both ends and i am caught in the middle...not like i had a choice in any of it,,but that is what i am dealt...later,this is getting too close to home of the heart,,so gotta take a break here...

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