rm_lockestryfe 37M
63 posts
1/28/2006 5:37 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm


Nightmares are as scary as you let them be. Take mine for instance...

I have a recurring nightmare, were I am 44 years old or so, and living alone. No family, no friends, nothing. The only thing I seem to think about is taking a gun to my head and shooting myself. At about the time I pick up the gun, I wake up. This scares the crap out of me, cause, you know what? It could easily happen. If I say or do this or that, everyone in my life right now wouldn't even acknowledge my existance anymore. I hate that. I hate the fact that I have to walk on eggshells every damned minute of my life outside of my appartment, with other people, and/or trying to be with someone in particular.

I know I'm gonna hear a lot of 'just be yourself' but I've been myself when talking to other people, and then they just slowly try to walk away. I was talking with some classmates a couple weeks ago, when one of them turned to me and said I was too nice of a guy, then they all got up and left. Hence the reason I keep putting that little tidbit in my blogs. How the hell can you be too nice of a guy? Doesn't make any sense to me.

Now I watch what I say, and watch what I do, and that makes me very uncomfortable. And yet, I want to be around other people, and to find someone special to spend my time with, yet I have to go through this crap. Any comments, and/or suggestions? Yeah, leave a note, send the e-mail, or just IM me (locke stryfe for you AIM users, I'm usually not on the IMS from here...)

Oh well, off to bed... ttyl

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