My Darling Boy  

lissi888888 53F
1330 posts
9/5/2006 11:09 pm

Last Read:
9/6/2006 11:51 pm

My Darling Boy

My darling boy was crawling when he came to us at two years old. He was wafer thin. His eyes were big and brown but they were dull. He didn't know how to use a spoon and he didn't talk. He wasn't potty training and he could only drink out of a bottle. He was an abused and neglected child from a home with parents that had psychological problems. We were told from the start that we would be lucky if he was able to work in a sheltered workshop and maybe live in a group home. We shouldn't count on him being able to function in society at all and that he wouldn't graduate from high school. All of the doctors told us he was going to have a rough life at best and we shouldn't hold out hope for more.

This little darling wasn't new to me. I had cared for his mother in foster care and later adopted her. The year before he was born, we had attempted to bring his older sister to our home. We were too late in our attempt to adopt her so she went to another loving home. His biological mother (my daughter) was bipolar with a number of other labels attached as well...none of them positive. His biological father (my daughter's boyfriend) had major anger problems. Talk about a spell for disaster. This darling boy didn't ask to be born into his situation...but he had been and has had to live with the cards he was dealt.

When I met him, this little boy was my grandson. Throughout the first year and a half of his life, my ex-husband and I had been called over continuously to rescue him. We'd keep him for a night, a weekend, a week or more. Then, his parents would decide he was convenient again and he'd go back to them for a bit. When he was 18 months, they just stopped coming over. I talked to my daughter often and but she didn't tell me what was happening. She was ashamed.

Finally, my grandson had to have his eye surgery. He was born with a thickened eyelid and it had to be fixed. The day my daughter brought him home from the surgery, she brought him straight to my house with all his bags in tow. She and I sat and talked for hours and she told me just what she had put this poor boy through. No child should ever have to go through what he did. When she was done telling me everything she felt she needed to, my daughter asked me to take my grandson and love him and be his mom. At that point, I couldn't have let him go back so I was relieved to hear those words.

The next 3 years were rough. My daughter and her boyfriend (the biological father) broke up. It was better for my daughter. Having the ups and downs of bipolar and refusing to control it, my daughter continually would sway back and forth on the adoption issue and every other issue you can think of. At four years old, my darling grandson confronted my daughter about her abuse of him during a mother's day lunch...he told her he remembered what she did and that she was an awful person. It took a couple more of these wake up calls but finally, after a lot of work, the adoption was approved and this child was my son....legally. He will always be so.

You see, my darling boy and I always got along. He had my heart from the moment we met. We saw him through all the major steps. He was always told he was wonderful, he was handsome and he was my favorite person. Yes, he has some issues. He has epilepsy (the doctor says it was from abuse in the first 6 months of his life), bi-polar disorder, ADD, an anger disorder and a couple other things. He is going in for his second eye surgery imminently (a follow up to the first one cause he's grown...we knew this would happen). He will always need glasses and he will probably never drive a car because of his vision. None of those labels they've attached to him or the physical issues he has to face say who he is though.

My darling boy is 16 now. He's not the smartest in his classes but he's real good at math. He's funny...thinks he's a comedian LOL. He's handsome. He's very articulate. He can be sweet when he wants to be. He loves me. He's never ever been ashamed or embarrassed when I kiss or hug him in front of his friends. He thinks I'm cool. He's got a kind heart and wants to save every stray he comes across. He just started the 11th grade and over half of his classes are regular classes (they anticipate he may graduate next year but it may take until the year after...BUT, either way, he will graduate from high school). My son loves to bake and sings the Muffin Mom (his variation of the Muffin Man song LOL ) whenever he thinks it's time for us to bake muffins. He has a girlfriend now and he's so cute when he talks about her. Yes, my son gets angry and yes, he can't live with his little brother because of that. Regardless, I miss him terribly and look forward to his calls. He still tells me everything just as he's always done. I still give him advice and he still listens to me most of the time. He's talking about getting a job now and he gets school credit for doing it. My darling boy is growing up and has already exceeded every expectation we had for him.

My darling boy will never be a rocket scientist. He will never go to MIT or Harvard. He may need us to help him through college (yes, he's talking about going to college). My son will not achieve greatness in the way that many others do...but you know what? He is great. This young man tells everyone, even all these years later, that we saved him from what might have been. He says with conviction that he's sure he would have died if he had been left there with his biological parents and I believe he's right. I never told him to say these things nor have I ever said anything negative about his biological parents to him. I never would give myself that kind of praise because my reasons for wanting him weren't selfless. I wanted a child so badly...my ex-husband couldn't have children... and one day my darling boy came to us. I have always considered him the answer to my most fervent wish.

I just had to talk about my darling boy. He called tonight and I cried like always. He may not have come out of my womb but that boy can pull my heart strings like only one other person in this world can. The other person is my little one, his brother. My chidren are my heart and my soul. I know everyone feels that way about their kids and that's as it should be.

So pardon my ramble...and go hug someone...your parent, your child, your pet...just someone you care about...and know as you do it that you mean so much to those that love you.





countryheart_71 46F
8081 posts
9/6/2006 3:59 am

You are such an awesome mom! I use to be a foster parent as well. I miss that sometimes. In 5 years, we had over 150 kids stay here, some long term, some short term. I got attached to one little boy. He was so very special, had a huge heart! My oldest son found a picture of him and thought that it was himself. It was amazing to see how much they look alike. I think of that little boy everyday. He's not so little anymore. I still hear from him every once in awhile. Brings back alot of good memories for me.

~Country~


lissi888888 53F
1401 posts
9/6/2006 7:22 am

    Quoting countryheart_71:
    You are such an awesome mom! I use to be a foster parent as well. I miss that sometimes. In 5 years, we had over 150 kids stay here, some long term, some short term. I got attached to one little boy. He was so very special, had a huge heart! My oldest son found a picture of him and thought that it was himself. It was amazing to see how much they look alike. I think of that little boy everyday. He's not so little anymore. I still hear from him every once in awhile. Brings back alot of good memories for me.
Thanks for the compliment. Foster care sure was interesting. Over 5 years, we ended up with 6 different girls. They were all ages and all but one had major problems. Two aged out while in care with us (meaning they had to move on to their own places) and the other 4 went home evenutally. Before I moved, they'd stop by every once in a while. It was so good to see how they'd grown and changed.


curiousinlorain7 60F

9/6/2006 9:54 am

what a lovely tribute to your son... I love it when God answers our prayers in such joyfully unexpected ways.. blessing to you and your son...


Passion247000 47F
3195 posts
9/6/2006 12:50 pm

Awww... i cried...I couldn't help it... My heart bled a little....

bless you for taking him when you did...or else the results would be disasterious....I am glad your daughter seeked help like she did...I wish she had done it sooner but...the fact she did it...both you and her saved him....

I just hope what happened to him doesn't come back to haunt him.... Keeping him in my thoughts and prayers...forever peace and happiness to your lovely grandson....

Big warm hugs to you, Lis... as you....have a big heart!!


boops2006 60M

9/6/2006 3:55 pm

You are one special woman.....this world is a better place because of you and whats in your heart.....thank you


lissi888888 53F
1401 posts
9/6/2006 11:16 pm

    Quoting curiousinlorain7:
    what a lovely tribute to your son... I love it when God answers our prayers in such joyfully unexpected ways.. blessing to you and your son...
thank you curuious. Yes..it's one of those things I'll never understand but will always appreciate.


lissi888888 53F
1401 posts
9/6/2006 11:21 pm

    Quoting Passion247000:
    Awww... i cried...I couldn't help it... My heart bled a little....

    bless you for taking him when you did...or else the results would be disasterious....I am glad your daughter seeked help like she did...I wish she had done it sooner but...the fact she did it...both you and her saved him....

    I just hope what happened to him doesn't come back to haunt him.... Keeping him in my thoughts and prayers...forever peace and happiness to your lovely grandson....

    Big warm hugs to you, Lis... as you....have a big heart!!
{{{{Passion}}}}...he's been in counseling all his life (since he was 2 anyway). He's doing well with that. You are always so kind...thank you so very much.


lissi888888 53F
1401 posts
9/6/2006 11:23 pm

    Quoting spunky11961:
    Lis, What heart and Soul you have, I'll definately hug someone later but right now I wish I could just give you a big hug You are a wonderful mom and a wonderful person as well. I'm proud to have you as a friend
    ~spunky
{{{{spunky}}}} I am proud to have you as my friend as well hon. Very very proud


lissi888888 53F
1401 posts
9/6/2006 11:48 pm

    Quoting boops2006:
    You are one special woman.....this world is a better place because of you and whats in your heart.....thank you
Thank you for the compliment boops...you touched my heart


lissi888888 53F
1401 posts
9/6/2006 11:51 pm

Mzhuny...thanks hon. It's nice to know that as you do the same for me all the time.


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