Fuck Buddies...Friends with Benefits...  

lissi888888 53F
1330 posts
6/29/2006 6:38 pm

Last Read:
9/22/2006 4:44 pm

Fuck Buddies...Friends with Benefits...

Call them what you will...we all have heard the term. They are someone you have found that you want to have sex with that wants to have sex with you as well. You've figured out that you have similar ideas on sex...and you want to explore with them.

So what are the guidlines? What do you say your personal parameters are?

For me it was simple...or so I thought. I said don't tell anyone about me. I don't want my name out there. I want whatever is between us to remain between us. Talk about what we've done...that's fine. Just don't say my name. And it worked well. I thought it was a good thing.

So...here's my story...if you can relate great...if you can't...oh well...

One day I started chatting with a particular person (doesn't it always start that way? LOL ). Seemed like a really great person...I was intrigued from the get-go...and he became my friend. Nope...no sex for a while LOL (until others had assumed we'd actually done something...then we went there...and OMFG...it was awesome). But still...this person became my best friend. Even when we were just chatting...he wouldn't tell others about me. He knew that I needed discretion. We'd talked about that. I am such a private person. Always have been.

As a little background...I am married. My husband and I are both dating. We are in the process of seperating. The marriage was over years ago, we realize that. We both are good with it most days (me more than him a lot of the time). Because of this situation though (and the fact that he's on this site as well), I didn't want anyone telling tales. If anything happened...I wanted to be the one to tell my husband. It was important to me.

Back to the story...have the best friend...we finally had sex...the sex was awesome...and no one knew but he and I.

Eventually...we both wanted to be with each other more and more. He had FB's besides me and vice versa. I was fine with that. But one day, we decided that we wanted to see each other exclusively. We decided to start telling people.

Relationship sidenote: Hell, I don't know who was shocked more that WE wanted to be exclusive...him or I. We weren't looking for it. We both adamantly insisted we didn't want it...but damned if it didn't start feeling like the only right thing for us.

Here's where you'd think it wouldn't be a problem. His FB's knew that he wanted sex with a couple friends...not an exclusive relationship of any sort. They were cool with it and it should have been somewhat simple to just let them know what we had decided and have it all be good. I figured the only one that would be rough was my husband. Yeah...I figured wrong.

My best friend's FB's are great people. I know them all...and like them all. Heck, one of them was my friend as well...and I was letting her slowly into my world. I don't do that with many people. Insecure...yep...admit that freely. But I do trust eventually...and had started to with that particular person.

So, my best friend and I talk about telling this person about us (to keep the story straight...this gal was my newest friend and his FB ). I tell him I want to talk to the her. For some reason (misguided though I was), I wanted to share with her. Let her know my happiness. Tell her before anyone else because she was important (she knew BEFORE my husband for goodness sake). I just knew she would be happy for us.

I guess you've gathered that things didn't go as planned. Nope, nope, nope. It was awful. She was anything but happy. She would go on to share with me that she was resentful and felt she should have been told as soon as we started having sex. Yes, she had told me about her and my best friend being FB's. But she didn't get the fact that I have always stated I don't tell that info to anyone. Just cause someone else shares with me, doesn't mean I will reciprocate and if things hadn't progressed, she woulnd't have known. I share partners well and I am always safe. I'm good with everyone getting some action and having a good time. That (to me) is what playing is all about.

So, now she's angry at me and I am confused. I could tell throughout our chat that it wasn't just an FB situation she wanted to be in with my best friend. She had emotions for him. Strong ones. It was blatantly clear. So now I'd hurt her. She didn't turn out to be that friend that I could go to and gush about my feelings...I had an enemy...that hated the ground I walked on.

Personal note...What makes me angry is she wasn't truthful. By not sharing her feelings with him until after she was told about us, she had in essence changed their FB relationship without any discussion with him. She had wanted more...and now I am the asshole because I didn't stop her from feeling? I don't think sharing sooner would have done a thing. I think her feelings were there before he and I ever had sex. But I'll never know about that and it doesn't matter really. You can't go backward for a redo and there's no way of knowing that it wouldn't have turned out exactly the same way even if I had shared.

My best friend talked to her and she was not mad at him...just at me. Evidently I was supposed to tell all my deepest darkest secrets. This is her ideal...and her personal belief...not mine. Damnit...I have a right to my opinions and on this issue...what I say is good for me...is the only way I can allow it to be. She doesn't have to like my beliefs but at least she should be open enough to understand that her beliefs are not the only ones that matter and that just cause someone doesn't share...they are not evil or out to get her and do her dirt. For fucks sake grow up already!!!!!

So now the convo with this gal is tenuous at best. She doesn't want to hear about my happiness. She considers me no longer a friend. I am dirt. Yes, it's her problem. But yes, it is sad.

So that we end on a high note...Let me tell you about the rest of the people involved. His other FB's have been happy for us. They have said so to me and to him and I believe they are. It's funny...but they are what I thought the gal who got upset would be. They have completely accepted the situation and have gone on.

My other "friend" was pleased for me as well. He listens to me talk about my best friend and it tickles him that I'm so happy.

My husband has come to terms with it well too. He isn't mad. I think he's resentful that I found someone that makes me this happy. He and our family/friends knew something was going on way before I said anything. Evidently my whole demeanor changes when I talk about my best friend LOL. Sure it's rough some days because my husband has other issues that we need to deal with...but it's workable and we're doing ok.

All in all I'd say this experience has been a learning one. I found out you just do what you can and the rest will take care of itself somehow. I'm happier than I can remember being in decades. I'm feeling better about myself than I have in years. My life has possibilities. And...I have an awesome best friend that has helped me find me again. Damnit...life is good!!!!!!!!!





Rubens43hmm 56F

7/1/2006 7:07 am

So, my best friend and I talk about telling this person about us (to keep the story straight...this gal was my newest friend and his FB ). I tell him I want to talk to the her. For some reason (misguided though I was), I wanted to share with her. Let her know my happiness. Tell her before anyone else because she was important (she knew BEFORE my husband for goodness sake). I just knew she would be happy for us.

With an FB......it should be the person who has the FB that tells....if the situation changes. That's what I would do......and what I would expect back.


TechSteve 50M

7/3/2006 4:04 pm

Lissi, I have a big on my face.

I have always said this person abuses her power.

Dont you feel sad that nobody in the group has the balls to PUBLICALLY stand up for you ? I know if they did, their posts would be deleted and they would be banned.

Nobody in that group really cares about each other.

Steve


lissi888888 53F
1401 posts
7/6/2006 4:42 pm

    Quoting TechSteve:
    Lissi, I have a big on my face.

    I have always said this person abuses her power.

    Dont you feel sad that nobody in the group has the balls to PUBLICALLY stand up for you ? I know if they did, their posts would be deleted and they would be banned.

    Nobody in that group really cares about each other.

    Steve
Yes, steve...you are correct. But I don't need them to stand up to the powers in that group to know that they are there for me and care about me. My true friends are just that. And just as you, they are still on my MSN list and will not be blocked or deleted. We will remain tight and we will continue to meet and have fun....cause that's what it's all about hon. You know it and I know it.

Lis


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