lil12pups 56M
6 posts
4/8/2006 12:50 pm

Last Read:
4/9/2006 8:15 pm


I tried sooooo hard to be a "good boy" growing up. And now I look back on what amounts to dozens of missed opportunities I wish I could have back. They not only cost me a moment of memory making -- they seared like a brand into the other person's soul.

One was with a girl I dated for a while. Who knows what she saw in me, but she was awesome. One night back from my first year of college, she called to ask me to come over. So I did.

I had thought we would be going out, but when I got to the door, she was there in her house coat. I said, "Oh, I can wait for a few minutes...." thinking that it was odd she wasn't ready yet, when I stopped open mouthed, frozen, as she let the sides fall open: she was completely naked.

I stood there dumb until she laughed and reaching out, grabbed my arms to pull me in so she didn't have to stand in the doorway naked in front of the neighborhood.

I gasp to think about it now, to remember.

She led me to a couch, pushed me back so that I leaned back and took a seat. She stood before me, smiling down at me, then let the robe slip off her shoulders and flop on the floor.

For some damn reason, I got the idea in my head I was being tempted and could resist this.


What's the matter with me? I focused on the tv. I remember "The Rose" was playing. I tried to see around her to watch tv.

She took this as an invitation to apply her charms, thinking this was a game of hard to get or something.

She sat in my lap and gave me long, pressing, wet kisses. She blew in my ears and licked my ear lobes. She raised my hands to her breasts.

But I just focused on the tv, trying to see around her.

Then she lay back on the rest of the couch. She had a thick, black pubic mound. Very dense. Inpenetrable.

For a moment, I couldn't look away from her.

But then I did. I started to watch the tv.

Just then her older sister burst through the back door. She was just out of viewing angle, and so my girlfriend shot up from the couch, sweeping up her housecoat on the run and dashed into the bathroom, just before older sister came around the corner.

Older sister was very concerned to see me there (it was *her* house). She demanded, "Where's *****?" I looked away from the tv and pointed to the right, answering, "She's in the bathroom."

Older sister looked to the bathroom and then to me suspciously, then went to the kitchen to put groceries away. At the moment **** darted from the bathroom in her housecoat down a little hallway to her room. Moments later she came out red-faced and smiling.

We went out to my car. I tried to make up some excuse about having to leave, and that's when she just open the floodgates.

I had thought about it being about me, about me getting over my insane curiosity about bodies and sex. I had proven to myself that I was "strong" and could resist this beautiful, beatiful flower of femininity. I had not for a second thought about her feelings. I had not one moment realized she was offering me something she had offered no man before. I had tossed it aside.

We never saw each other again. She started a sort of wild dating career, going from guy to guy, sometimes from guy to his friend. And I wonder if I was just the first one or the reason for the rest of them.

I live to this day in regret of that, although I suppose for her, it was only a moment in many in which men were pigs to her. She grew "up" because of what I did.

I wonder, would it bring her any solace to know how that memory has stayed with me all these years? I have often asked about her, checking up on her from a distance. I went to see her once where she was working, years later, never knowing that I was there watching her, hurting for having rejected her. She was happy and laughing. I slipped out the back, reassuring myself lamely that as long as she was "okay," I could move on.

I don't think I ever did.

I've had many times like that, with men and with women, when I held back and now wish I'd "gone with it."

But those are other stories. This is the main one. This is the one I look back on and grimmace. I was offered something very special, offered to me from the very essence of her being, and I made the moment about me and willpower.

Define "good boy" for me, because I never knew the definition.


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