Day Eight  

kneadingit 51M
10 posts
1/10/2006 12:10 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Day Eight

I thought about it in the shower this morning. One thing leads to another in life. Who you know, what you do, how you do it, all leads to who you will know, what you will do, how you will do it next time. What isn't clear is, which came first?

In other words, this seems to be a chicken or egg type discussion.

Does one thing lead to another because of 'destiny' - a master plan or fate or whatever you wan't to call it? Or is it your proactive choices about the one thing that lead to the other things in succession?

If it were the former, you would do best to take on a 'whatever happens happens' type attitude, fasten your seatbelt, and get ready for the ride on the river of life, without working too hard at trying to navigate the waters.

If it were the latter, however, it seems that the things you want would happen for you if you worked hard enough at them.

Why do I ask, you ask?

I wanted to be an artist, and I worked fairly hard in that regard. But the successes I did enjoy (and there were a number of them) never led to that life-choice becoming a self-sustaining one. In other words, a guy's gotta eat to live.

Meantime, successful technology jobs just kept seeking me out, even when I wasn't looking. I would pick one up here or there to pay the bills. Next thing I knew, promotions would be offered, new jobs from new contacts, business propositions - all which led me more or less against my will to where I am today. Successful. An entrepreneur. A computer geek. And a million miles away from my passion.

Sure. Running a business is creative. There is definitely art to it. But I don't wake up every day dying to start work. It is kind of like doing a crossword - intellectually stimulating and enjoyable, definitely not a drag. But not what feeds my soul.

So, how did I get here? Did I not fight hard enough against the river of life, rushing me through rapids and over rocks to the business I am in? Or, has my conscious mind always wanted something that was not in the cards for me, and should I have let go long ago and paddled with the current? Who knows, had I done that, I might be Bill Gates or Michael Dell.

All I know is, I might have to go back to masturbating - all this thinking is giving me a headache.

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