Ramblings from a malfunctioning brain............  

kissnlik 41F
295 posts
6/25/2006 9:33 pm

Last Read:
8/30/2006 5:10 pm

Ramblings from a malfunctioning brain............


I swear I'm so fucking moody!! One minute I can be laughing and telling jokes then the next I'm just spouting whatever comes to my mind as loud as I can to whoever will listen. I'm usually pretty good at treating people like human beings, but sometimes I just got so much stuff going through my mind that I feel like I'm going to explode....literally! I talk and talk until people get tired of listening, then sometimes I'm so quiet that everyone around me knows there's something wrong. I'm not a stupid person. I sometimes just can't stop thinking... I'm just average. I took one of those stupid I.Q. tests to prove it and I was right. I scored a 127. JUST AVERAGE!! BUt then I have to stop and think, we're all "just average" on paper, but we all possess something extraordinary about ourselves. Mine happens to be the incredible ability to ramble on about almost anything in the world...lol. Another is the ability to paint like a artist. I'm sure we all have something amazing that not everyone knows about. I have to admitt too that I'm a realist! I see things for what they are and not what I want them to be, for example: I'm fat! I'm not just one of these women with an average body that whines about something that really isn't there, I actually acknowledge that I am overweight and need to diet! I see myself naked every day. I see the fat hanging from my body. I know my pant size, my wieght and my height and I don't deny that I am fat!I'm also not one of those women living in denile about my weight. I don't squeeze into skimpy clothes or force my body into a smaller size just to delude myself into thinking I'm who I was a year ago. Not Me...no, no! I also know that some day my children will grow up to be the same kind of teenager I use to be no matter how hard I try to help them do their best. It's human nature to rebel. I know this and accept it. There's so many things in this world that just take up too much of your time and energy and in the long run have NOTHING to do with living an acceptable life. I don't mean acceptable to those people around you, I mean acceptable to yourself. I don't care what anyone around me thinks! Who, of them, will take care of me, pay my bills, raise my children when I'm gone? Not ONE! Too many people care about the opinions of insignificant outsiders and live their lives trying to create an illusion of a happy, peaceful life. When they are alone thinking quietly to themselves, they end up hating themselves and long for a life they could have enjoyed. I won't be like this! I refuse!

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