Perhaps It's Nothing More Than......  

kissable_lips36 48F
87 posts
5/15/2006 5:53 am

Last Read:
5/25/2006 11:28 am

Perhaps It's Nothing More Than......

Ya know, my friend/lover used to read my blog very regularly. He even commented how he loved the posts that described our sexual adventures and how hot they were.......but he stopped reading my blog back in...gosh the end of March I believe. No idea why....maybe he didnt like reading about it after all.

I do think however that what I perceive as dating, he perceives as just hanging out with a friend. I tried asking him Saturday night, if he considers us as dating or just hanging out...he yawned and hmmmmed and rolled around on the bed, making noises like he was thinking...the only verbal response I got from him was "depends on what your definition of dating is". Guess that was my answer, huh?

I got real quiet and even cried a little....don't think he back was turned to him...then again, maybe he did know because his leg was thrown across my lower back and his arm was thrown across my shoulders. Even after not answering me, he still tried to hug and cuddle with me. After a few minutes, I got up and went to sit in the other room. Twenty minutes later (after Bridget Jones' Diary was over), he came out of the bedroom and started putting on his socks and shoes. We had already established he wouldnt be staying...he had to go into the field on Sunday and would be gone for a few days.

I was very quiet as I walked him to the door. When he looked down and noticed I didnt have shoes on, he knew I wasn't going to do my usual "walking him out to the car" routine. So he turned in the open doorway (he outside, I inside) and proceeded to put his hands on my hips, pull me in for a hug.....all of which I allowed him to do. Normally I wouldnt have kissed him....nor would I have let him kiss me..I would have turned my cheek to his kiss..but I was curious. Even after never really answering me, he held me and softly kissed me, gently probbing me with the tip of his tongue. I kissed him back. After a minute or two I told him to have fun in the field and he said he would (with a chuckle). I looked at him, looked into his eyes...he looked into mine, smiled softly and asked "See you when I get back?" which I replied "Yeah"......

Yesterday I sent him an email that he will get when he returns later on this week. I told him I wanted to know where I stood. That his lack of response leads me to believe that he doesn't think of us as a couple or as dating even. I told him that his non verbal response makes me feel as if I'm good for him to waste his time with (until he leaves) but I'm not good enough for him to where he'd introduce me to family, friends or coworkers. It's not that I want to stop seeing him, because I dont....but I need him to verbally communicate with me, to tell me what it is that we are doing because when he leaves in October.....if it ends for good there, then I have to know how to prepare not only my heart, but that of my little girl's too.......she has really taken a shine to him and has even mentioned how she'd like him to be her new daddy (which I always discourage her from saying or thinking...)....yes, he's aware of her saying those things and he's always said "awwww she's so sweet" and always says he's never bothered or freaked out by her comments...........I hope he isn't "playing" her.....

Guess I'll know soon enough, eh?

digdug41 50M

5/15/2006 6:34 am

I dont know what to say to this, I read a few posts back to see if there was any kind of vibe to feed off of but I didnt catch one, maybe your friend doesn't want it to be considered dating coz for him that would imply more of a commitment from him, I dont know. I'm just on the outside looking in, either way you'll find out soon enough, take care luv.

roaming the cyber streets of blogland

goboi_go 56M

5/15/2006 8:58 am

He still reads you I guarantee it. By human nature he would. You sense that he is conflicted and you are being cautious. Interesting how you are pinning him down. best to you

kissable_lips36 48F
15 posts
5/15/2006 11:28 am

    Quoting goboi_go:
    He still reads you I guarantee it. By human nature he would. You sense that he is conflicted and you are being cautious. Interesting how you are pinning him down. best to you
Pinning him down? In what way? As in trying to get him to commit? Hmmm if that's what you meant then perhaps so......perhaps I need to just take one day at a time...its just hard for me because this is my first relationship of sorts since my divorce and I guess I'm worried both for myself and my daughter....mainly my daughter but I guess I do have to admit to having selfish reasons in there.......

goboi_go 56M

5/15/2006 12:40 pm

not commitment..I guess, what's below the surface, why the no talk and what's really behind the "awwwww that's sweet". Is he being genuine? You are doing the right thing. Interesting to hear the results. imo

deridderman4u 54M
5 posts
5/23/2006 9:54 am

He does not wish to commit, or he would have done so. He wants the "relationship" to stay exactly as it is. No doubt, your daughter has taken a shine to him and I imagine he likes her to some degree or another...however, his non-verbal, lack of response to your question speaks volumes.

Whether he reads here or not does not matter - and I believe you would know, as who reads your Blog is listed - correct? Perhaps he has a screen name you are unaware of and reads...?

I would prepare my heart and your daughter's mind for the eventual loss of this man's presence - whether it's soon or in October - best to you and she.

rm_1lnbrdg 55M

6/17/2006 9:28 am

its not you that would be pinning him down, its his self that would be doing that, he's trying to figure out if it's worth the price, the giving of his self fully,
been there done that, still do ocasionaly

good luck

timothydalton100 41M

9/27/2006 2:56 pm

I am a very bored married man needing something else.

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