Promiscuity + Long-Term Relationships = A Good Lover???  

keithcancook 61M
11107 posts
3/24/2005 1:05 pm
Promiscuity + Long-Term Relationships = A Good Lover???

Over the years I have always felt that I was a wonderful lover with lots of experience. (Hey, why not look at the bright side too when doing a self-assessment). I have just accepted that about myself. Anyways, today I got to thinking that perhaps I should try and back that up with some real facts. If I thought I was such a wonderful lover then why? Was it merely bloated ego or was there something that I could use to show that there might be some truth to it.
First and foremost I find that it was my mother who should get any credit if there is truth to my being a good lover. When I was still an 18 year old virgin my mother pulled me aside and had a long talk with me about sex. She told me that it was of utmost importance that I satisfy my partner. She said that if I was able to do this then my own satisfaction would be vastly intensified. She stressed that over and over througout that conversation and I took her advice to heart.
I really didn't know much about sex in those adolescent years. I remember I bought a copy of Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex but Were Afraid To Ask when I was 14. Gawd, was I nervous when I took it to that imposing adult at the check-out counter. I hid that book at home and read it over and over. It didn't really help much it seemed to me at the time, but in retrospect it did expose me to the terminology of sex and some of the things that could happen in a sexual experience. At least I was not completely ignorant (nothing like reading to educate yourself).
My early sexual encounters were probably ordinary in their character---fumbling, bumbling, slight embarassment, nervousness, fear of failure, etc. Yet through them all I was conscious of my mothers advice and most of my fumbling was geared towards exploring the womans body and lots of foreplay. My partners were just as inexperienced as myself in most cases so there was no way for me to know if I was doing it right or not.
Yet over time I began to hear my partners tell me how good I made them feel compared to what they were used to previously. This really boosted my self-esteem and I suppose planted the seeds which led me to the subject of this post. I must be good if they say I am...this is what I thought as I was leaving my twenties and entering my thirties.
So, just how many are saying this about me? Do I have an army of women that will offer up testemonials to my lovemaking prowess? When I asked myself this question I found that the answer is no. There really haven't been that many different ones over all these years. I have been sitting here trying to recall them all and found that I could indeed still remember them. Even after all these long years.
At this point I have been with a total of 13 different women! Is that all????? Jeeze Keith! Somehow I thought it was more. I must have been unconsciously cooking the books over time. Only 13! Out of those, 8 of them happened before I was 26 years old. I am now 48, which means in the last 22 years I have only been with five different women. And one of them is the story in this blog. I married my wife at 27 and was true to her for the 12 years we were married plus the three years we dated before that. So that takes care of 15 yrs. without any other sex than that with my wife which was infrequent I am sad to say. She was not much to talk about sexually. Way too passive. She was much better before we married. Still, I worked hard to please her whenever we did have sex. After she left I met someone on a beach trip and we had a fling for about 2 months. That story is for another blog perhaps. She told me I was awesome as a lover and she traveled halfway across the state on numerous occasions to be with me so that helped bolster my opinion of my own abilities sexually. Especially after those long empty years of my marriage. Then I was set up by a friend of mine on a blind date. She was one of four out of the thirteen who declared that they had never experienced an orgasm like the one I was able to give. I dated her exclusively for about 6 months.
That reminds me...I have had four different women tell me that I have given them the greatest orgasm to date. That is over 30% of my total partners. (That is the main fact which backs me up) One of them declared that it was the first time she had had a "real" orgasm with a man. Question to any ladies still reading this...Have y'all told your partners things like this even though it wasn't really true? Just to make them feel good? That is what I wonder. Was I being falsly inflated or was I really good? Hell, the orgasms were certainly real enough...of that I am certain...but were they really as good as they claimed? I just figured that it was something that most women said to their partners just to be polite since so many were saying it. I suppose that question will always have to be answered on an individual basis. After all, while we are all human and are all alike in that respect---we are also all individuals and respond to differing stimuli.
Anyway, back to my story and excuse me for wandering....Last of all I come to my last girl friend. We were together for 5 years. She opened me up to all sorts of new things sexually. She was definately more experienced than myself as far as number of different lovers she has had over the years. (she was 3 yrs. younger than me). She told me that I had also given her the most intense orgasms she had ever had. She was certainly the best I have ever been with as far as technique and variation goes.
So now here I sit. My last partner is long gone. She left this state 2 yrs. ago. In the interim I have been busy with other things and have sort of felt jaded in some respects I guess. The women in whom I put my trust and invested in a long-term relationship left me with very negative feelings about relationships. I was tired of verbal abuse, infidelity, deciet, and outright untruth. The heck with relationships I thought. Every time I trust one of those undeniably fascinating and fathomless creatures called "woman" I ended up getting burned. So I stopped dating. Well friends, that is no answer. I am just too sexual a creature to foreswear sex. I have decided to dip my toe back in the water again.
Besides, although I am not necessarily superstitious, perhaps this number thing has got me. Thirteen seems an ominous number to sit on. (way too funny).

papyrina 52F
21133 posts
3/24/2005 1:54 pm

i personally have never lied to a guy,if hes rubbish in the sack i wouldn't tell him he was bad,a good lover i will complement on a bad i will stay silent

I'm a

i'm here to stay

keithcancook 61M
18138 posts
3/24/2005 7:44 pm

Well in that regard I have never asked that question. It was openly declared and unsolicited every time. Your post sure does boost my confidence! Thanx.

shesaladydriver 49F

3/29/2005 4:28 pm

I have never lied to a man about sexual performance....maybe just moaned a bit more than necessary! I was 34 years old before I ever had an orgasm during sexual intercourse so I don't really know if it was me or who I was with before then...all I know is that ever since then my sex life has been awesome and stupendous! Maybe it is true about women hitting their sexual peak in their 30's. I have not had many partners either, Keith, but my feeling is it is more about quality than quantity..and I can relate to what you said about relationships...I had to get over a big blow to my pride when I got divorced. I guess maybe I expect too much out of a partner...intelligence and humor being at the top of the list!

keithcancook 61M
18138 posts
3/29/2005 11:19 pm

Thanx for your input and honesty shesaladydriver It is very refreshing. Also, I should warn you that I am sweet on you so watch out...

Actually I would like to thank all of my responders for weighing in. You all helped in giving me grounds for an ego boost!

playfulwithyou33 57F
961 posts
4/2/2005 3:54 pm

lol at finelady; you gotta be kidding...I'd pinch his ass and tell him to get back here and finish the job.

rm_BigDnLady 44M/42F
1140 posts
6/6/2005 4:00 pm

I have been with a man, that in the beginning was less than spectacular, non rhythm, jerky movements, fumbling "that's not it." kinda thing, but then I began to take control, and I began to really work him, in the end we broke up bc he told his brother he just couldn't handle me!! Haaaa!! His brother tried his best to get me to sleep with him, but that is a big no no in my book!! Haaa, but a great post, and no I have never lied, I just said we needed to try other things!!


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