I Was A Teenage Metrosexual  

keithcancook 61M
10943 posts
1/16/2006 12:47 pm
I Was A Teenage Metrosexual

September, 1970. 15 yr. old keithcancook rides with his mother as she runs errands...

Mom: I have to run into the beauty parlor, why don't you come in and meet the ladies?

My heart sank. I did not want to go into a "beauty parlor". Those were for girls. I did not like the smells in there. Nor did I like the way the women looked at me when I was in there. I always seemed to be the only male when I went into places like that, and it made me uncomfortable. I was in foreign territory, a stranger in a strange land. Besides, I knew my mom wanted to show me off, and I did not wish to be shown off.

I enter the place with my mother anyway. Soon I am in the middle of a circle of gawking females. All of them talking at once.

"Oh, Shirley! He's sooo cute!"
"He's adorable!"
"Those are the bluest eyes I have ever seen"
"What about that eybrow?"
"Oh, we simply must fix that eybrow for him."
"Put him in that chair. I'll get the wax."

Before I could react, or even decide how to react, I found myself sitting in a chair in a female beauty parlor amidst a flurry of activity; all centered around me.

"Quit squirming."
"Hold his shoulders"
"Come on, it's not going to hurt."

Suddenly I felt warm goo being dabbed between my eyes. Then some cloth was pressed on. Then, SCHWICK! It was ripped off with a flick of the wrist.

I said nothing, but instantly my visual world was filled with stars and comets flying around, and all my other senses focused on the stinging pain welling up from between my eyes.

"There, that didn't hurt did it?"
"You look so much better without all that bushy hair growing between your eyes"
"You will need to return every four weeks to keep those eyebrows tamed."
"Oh, isn't he so cute! I think he is cross with us!"

They put a mirror in front of me and I sqinted through the dissapating pain at the bare spot between my eyes. It was angry and red. And completely devoid of hair.

OMG! My eyebrow, my one and only eybrow, was now two distinct and separate eyebrows. I was not used to seeing my face like that. And I was not sure if I liked it. I had allowed all this because I sort of trusted their opinion. After all, they were women. If they said I would look better with two eyebrows rather than one, well, what the hell did I know? I was only a youngster, and I was naive about what women liked. Yet it was becoming important to my hormone filled, pubescent world.

I had always been proud of my eyebrow. All my life. It was a physical feature which I imagined made me somewhat unique. It had certainly generated comments from adults as far back as I could remember. Still, I figured I could try a new look. If I didn't like it they had assured me that it would grow back.

The next day, when I got up and prepared myself for school, I looked into the mirror. OMG! There, right between my eyes, were 20 to 30 teeny tiny zits! Most of em with little white points on the tips. Horrified, I ran some warm water and started scrubbing. I was trying to wash them off. To no avail.

I went to school, prepared for major abuse from my friends. Nobody said anything, but those damn zits stayed there for 5 days. Cursing, I swore to myself that I would never allow wax to be applied between my eyes again.

And I kept that vow. For the rest of my teenage years. On through my twenties, and beyond my thirties into my forties. I was bushy, and I was proud. Girfriends came and went, but the eyebrow remained. Many lobbied for me to "tame" it once again, but I stood firm.

Then, at 47 years of age I again faced an eyebrow decision. And yet again...(here's a surprise) ... it was female inspired...

MsLoveRose 34F  
2432 posts
1/16/2006 1:55 pm

WELL who ever said that was bad!!!

eliminating the unibrow!!


live more, laugh often, love much

GleesFlakyShawl 51M
1620 posts
1/16/2006 2:15 pm

well, at least u didnt one eyebrow shaved as a rite passage.....

expatbrit49 64M

1/16/2006 2:33 pm

Ah the old unibrow what can I say...............

So is this the once monthly post or can we expect more Ol' Pal

Thank You for Your Time and Attention

spinmedown 50M
3626 posts
1/16/2006 2:50 pm

The Eyebrow is the Frame of the Window to the Soul.

Most people are other people... FUCKING CHARACTER LIMIT!!! ~Oscar Wilde

rm_FreeLove999 48F
16127 posts
1/16/2006 3:25 pm

oi! i say keep the single eyebrow, in honour of untypically hursuit people everywhere!

[blog freelove999]

keithcancook 61M
17976 posts
1/16/2006 4:39 pm

I dunno, LadySunrise. I do know that I still get uncomfortable when I find myself in a beauty salon.

Ha ha, dz. Did ya keep the look? Is that why you don't show your eyes?

Careful, ol pal. I may just surprise you, and post again tomorrow.

That is highly unlikely, however...

My frame is long, spin. It is very long indeed...

Hmm, just what I need, FreeLove. Another cause to uphold. Oh well, this is an easy one...

rm_1hotwahine 64F
21091 posts
1/16/2006 5:25 pm

(LOL @ spinmedown)

About the time I get really grumpy about the infrequency of your posts, you toss us a perfect gem. I LOVED this!

Yeah, I'm still [blog 1hotwahine]

southrnpeach333 51F

1/16/2006 6:03 pm

my boys have the unibro, i made them shave them into two brows, they both got girlfriends shortly after that. coincidence? hhmm i wonder.

silkysmoothlegs3 106F

1/16/2006 6:48 pm

so sexy

womanoirish 55F

1/16/2006 7:16 pm

Famous people who have unibrows:
Jim Adkins, lead singer of Jimmy Eat World
Ashanti Douglas, singer
Giuseppe Bergomi, Italian soccer player
Bill Berry, former drummer of R.E.M.
Leonid Brezhnev, one-time leader of the Soviet Union
Chris de Burgh, Argentinian-born singer
Liam Gallagher, singer of Oasis (band)
Josh Hartnett, actor
Bobby Holik, ice hockey star
Frida Kahlo, artist
Tommy Lee Jones, actor
Momčilo Krajišnik, Bosnian warlord
Justin Langer, Australian cricketer
Salizhan Sharipov, Russian Cosmonaut
Richard Trethewey, plumber on TV's This Old House

Fictional Characters with Unibrows:
Unibrau, Frau Farbissina's lover in Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me
Bert on Sesame Street
Ed, of the Cartoon Network's Ed, Edd 'n' Eddy (called a monobrow)
Baby Gerald, Maggie's arch-nemesis on The Simpsons
Count Olaf from the A series of unfortunate events book series.
Helga Pataki, Arnold's nemesis/love interest on the cartoon series Hey Arnold!
Morgana Rothschild from the novel Brave New World
Squilliam Fancyson, Squidward's rival, Squid mentions it in the episode "Band Geeks"
Unibrow, pseudonym for an early writer in the Church of the SubGenius.

There's some speculation that unibrows are caused by an excess of testosterone...might be something this female would appreciate??? if there were um, er, corresponding evidence. But that's your business.

BenefitsFriend69 58M/61F

1/16/2006 9:12 pm

Great story! Poor bastard, the cruel things mommies and their friends do to cute little boys...

MaggiesWishes 61F

1/16/2006 10:59 pm

One long stroke across the brow ... mmmmmmmmm

duststormdiva 52F
6854 posts
1/16/2006 11:10 pm

You are still cute! Do what you want with the unibrow, I still think you are sexy!


oldman1776 79M
3164 posts
1/16/2006 11:45 pm

LOL That is a good one loved it.

DTduzDallas 51F

1/17/2006 4:41 am

An eyebrow? Try having your legs and privates waxed...

crazyname67 50M

1/17/2006 7:22 am

That was awesome. lol. You're a great writer, mate.

sexymermaid6956 64F
26393 posts
1/17/2006 8:29 am

KCC your sexy with it my friend.lol..it is your call ...


Seduce my mind and my body

keithcancook 61M
17976 posts
1/17/2006 8:32 am

Aww, you are such a sweetie, wahinie! I promise to attempt to post more frequently.

No need to wonder, southrnpeach! It is coincidence for certain.
PS: Welcome to The Venting Blog! You sure look good in here...(mmm, yummy)

Brief, but right to the point. I like your style, silky.

Yeah, it's in their constitution, BF69. It cannot be avoided. It's great to see you here in The Venting Blog once again. Blog On!

Is that what that means, nikki? I had always thought bikini wax was some sort of feminine hygeine product. Owie.

I would dearly like to give you some long strokes as well, Maggie darling! Mmm, yummy...

Ahh, flattery will get you much when applied in The Venting Blog, duststormdiva!
Well, maybe I should rephrase that and say that flattery really works well on me here in The Venting Blog. I'm so easy...

Hullo there, oldman! Thank you so much for your support. Blog On, dude!

Women get ideas alright, honni. This comment has so many openings for me, that I am temporarily shut down due to so many fuses blowing out in my brain just now...

IdealSmile 41M

1/17/2006 8:57 am

Where is it written that thou shalt not have only one brow? you could start a new religion.

and thank you.

papyrina 52F
21133 posts
1/17/2006 12:52 pm

you should see my bits 4 hours after being waxed alergy tablets,anti histamine cream all to stop those spots and you winge about eyebrowspmsl

I'm a

i'm here to stay

papyrina 52F
21133 posts
1/17/2006 12:53 pm

come on hun blog more ,even if its only wat your cooking today

I'm a

i'm here to stay

onelittlesecret 34M
1579 posts
1/17/2006 1:14 pm


Great post Keith!

_CoffeeNoCream_ 54F

1/17/2006 2:13 pm

Bann the monobrow !!!

keithcancook 61M
17976 posts
1/17/2006 2:59 pm

That is quite a list, womanoirish. I appear to be in some good company! Thanks, sweetie!

Yeah, I am getting razzed a bit about writing about my eyebrow when y'all are waxing more sensative areas, DT. Jeeze...

Hello, crazyname! Welcome to The Venting Blog. Thank you so much for the compliment. It means a lot to me. Blog On!

Aw, thanks sexymermaid. Your appeal is quite strong as well. (mmm, yummy)

I have started several religions already, IdealSmile. I suppose one more wouldn't be too much. You are welcome. I hope you can weather the storm. Blog On!

The place I was in reeked of nail polish, NaughtyBlonde. Ugh! I hate that odor. Anyway, I do not think that pink is my color.
PS: Welcome to The Venting Blog! Don't be a stranger...

Jeeze, papy. I wasn't complaining about the pain. I was just noting what occurred at the time. And stop that laughing!

I am so glad that you have enjoyed this post, onelittlesecret. Thank you for letting me know.

keithcancook 61M
17976 posts
1/17/2006 3:08 pm

    Quoting papyrina:
    come on hun blog more ,even if its only wat your cooking today
Aw, papy. You, and my ol pal expat were two of the very first bloggers to visit The Venting Blog, and I will never forget it.

I will write more posts for y'all. I promise.

(You are very precious to me, don't ya know?)

raptor880 40M

1/17/2006 3:12 pm

Passes Coffee the wax strip.Im not messing with that woman.

rm_hinkawaza 53M
371 posts
1/17/2006 3:35 pm

It's the Unibrow-beater!

barbiebunny 37F
5597 posts
1/17/2006 4:28 pm

Ok go to the drugstore and get a little automatic personal rasor/trimmer. Have her do it and if u like it after that then wax it but try it out for a lil bit..and if u do get it waxed..remember that the area with a wet towel and antihistimines/ibuprofen after for swelling and bumps...or get the tweezers

GOOD LICK l..i mean luck let us know!

Its good to be...ME

rm_Kissmystuff 62F
1435 posts
1/17/2006 8:54 pm

Sounds like you had an identity crisis...hair is a cultural thing. Has it's importance in different ways to various cultures. Chinese..for instance...the long braid...Rasta's...the dreds...etc.

By the way..I looked at your purity score on your profile...tsk...tsk...you're a bad boy.


keithcancook 61M
17976 posts
1/17/2006 10:28 pm

Don't hold back, CnC. Say what you mean!

Cluck! Cluck! raptor. Bring her on. I relish the thought of it...

Where? Which way did they go, hink?

Ha ha, Barbiebunzysweetiepiesugarplumhoneybunch! No frigging way I am gonna do any of that.
I'll just pay somebody to do it for me...

Aw, thanx sexyfit. I enjoy entertaing the sexy Mayor of BlogLand. It's what I do.

Sorry about that purity score, Kissmystuff. I have a good excuse though. I took that test while I was drunk at an orgy in a biker gang hideout one weekend.
I can retake it, can't I?

toothysmile 51M
16517 posts
1/18/2006 12:32 am

Hmmm... well, you can try... it will grow back on. But if I were you... I 'd keep it. ...

toothysmile 51M
16517 posts
1/18/2006 12:34 am

Oh, and I really like those trips down memory lane... I always say I 'll post some of mine... but then the present kicks in... lol... Oh, well...

EyeCandy33333 46F
761 posts
1/18/2006 11:05 am

I think you can retake it most probably-the test-remember about Trav making himself an athlete and all-I think you can be all that you want to be or do maybe on here lol. It was a cute story darling-and keep your eyebrows-it's a manly thing I think-mmmm .

rm_DaphneR 59F
8023 posts
1/19/2006 12:39 am

You have inspired me Keith. Unibrow....Uniblog

Just think, one big blog...we all post on it, no more list, no more rating system!

Have tongue, will use it. Repeatedly.

Babel__Fish 46F

1/19/2006 1:48 am

Great story here and I too would keep the brow


rm_PurryKitty2 49M/51F
9753 posts
1/19/2006 4:05 am

I went to the hairdresser once with my grandmother and her hairdress, Robert, said I walked like a duck and was going QUACK QUACK QUACK. I will never forget that.

Purry {=}


qyxx 61F
3334 posts
1/19/2006 6:58 pm

So that is what a metrosexual is?


rm_sharksnsails 47M
738 posts
1/20/2006 4:57 am

"Fe" must be a prefix that means "to torment".

(Princess Lips)

1/20/2006 2:20 pm

would pluck them for you


keithcancook 61M
17976 posts
1/24/2006 6:38 pm

Yep, it grows back every time, toothy. As long as you're blogging, I don't think it matters what the time is...

Aw, thanks Madame Mayor. It all begins with thinking. I think.

I'm just teasing about that silly test, EyeCandy! I will keep the brows, thank you. Except for trips to South Florida.

LMAO! Good one, BigGirlzRSweet!

Yeah, I have told a brief version of the story as a comment in another blog, candysoveryveryobservant! Jeeze, that was early last summer. You have a sharp memory!

Thanx, Babel Fish! And you should wear whatever you want to wear, my dear!

Of course now you don't do that in beauty salons. Right, Purry? I'm glad you switched from ducks to cats. Quacky just doesn't have the same ring as Purry!

Yep, ya learn something new with each and every visit to The Venting Blog, qyxx! Keep coming back and expand your knowledge!

Izzat so, sil? I wonder, do you keep it in the room with the shackles and whips?

I can see that you were not born yesterday, sharks.

Hmm, that is a pleasing proposition, princess! Plucking at my place perhaps?
Sorry, didn't mean to spit. Don't say that sentence out loud unless you are planning to clean your screen!

Why thank you, waggypolly! That is the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day!

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