A Promise Fullfilled  

jrb6955 60M
154 posts
8/26/2006 6:17 pm

Last Read:
8/27/2006 12:29 pm

A Promise Fullfilled

In last night's post, I promised some more jokes and humor. Sorry that the first two (2) posts of the day were serious and dry, but I felt the need to express some concerns. And now for the promised humor:

This first one was circulating the internet earlier this summer:

A magazine recently ran a "Dilbert Quotes" contest. They were looking for people to submit quotes from their real-life Dilbert-type managers. These were voted the top ten (note: there are only 9 listed) quotes in corporate America:

1. "As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday, and employees will receive their cards in two weeks." (This was the winning quote from Fred Dales, Microsoft Corp. in Redmond WA)

2. "What I need is an exact list of specific unknown problems we might encounter." (Lykes Lines Shipping)

3. "E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used only for company business." (Accounting manager, Electric Boat Company)

4. "This project is so important we can't let things that are more important interfere with it." (Advertising/Marketing manager, United Parcel Service)

5. "Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule." (Plant Manager, Delco Corporation)

6. "No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We've been working on it for months. Now go act busy for a few weeks and I'll let you know when it's time to tell them." (R&D supervisor, Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing/3M Corp.)

7. Quote from the Boss: "Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say." (Marketing executive, Citrix Corporation)

8. My sister passed away and her funeral was scheduled for Monday. When I told my Boss, he said she died on purpose so that I would have to miss work on the busiest day of the year. He then asked if we could change her burial to Friday. He said, "That would be better for me." (Shipping executive, FTD Florists)

9. "We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not going to discuss it with the employees." (Switching supervisor, AT&T Long Lines Division)

This one was attached to the same email that sent me the Dilbert quotes:

Two hillbillies were sitting around talking one afternoon. After awhile the first fellow says to the second, "If'n I was to sneak over to your place Saturday and make love to your wife while you was off huntin', and she got pregnant and had a baby, would that make us kin?"

The second fellow crooked his head sideways for a minute, scratched his head, and squinted his eyes like he was thinking real hard about the question.

Finally, he said,
"Well, I don't know about kin, but it would make us even."

And now we will close with a few jokes aimed at the second oldest profession in the world - lawyers. These are old and hackneyed, but still funny:

What do you call a thousand lawyers lying dead at the bottom of the ocean?

A good start!

[COLOR green}What is the difference between a dead snake in the road and a dead lawyer?

There are skid marks in front of the snake.

Why do sharks not bite lawyers?

Professional courtesy.

A tour bus of lawyers went off a cliff, killing all aboard. The next day, the newspaper headlines read "A Crying Shame". Turns out there was an empty seat on the bus.

Too bad there isn't a smilicon for a groan, as most of these are groaners.

phoenix639 50F

8/27/2006 8:05 am

OMG these are priceless, you say that im on a roll!

jrb6955 replies on 8/27/2006 11:45 am:
Why thank you for the compliment.

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