Oh I do like to be by the seaside  

johnnybgoodzm 57M
3 posts
5/23/2006 7:45 pm
Oh I do like to be by the seaside

Hi and welcome once again to Planet Johnny ‒ it’s travelogue time (sort of) Scott of Antarctic I is not

Been feeling like trapped because of all the rain and bad weather we have recently been having in not so sunny London. But I did find a couple of days of sun about a week ago. Loaded up my mountain bike and set sail for the south east coast. Whitstable good morning ‒ The seafood seemed expensive ‒ I always promise myself some oysters from Whitstable ‒ I must improve my resolve ‒ I must get oysters from here ‒ they are famous ‒ oh shit what the hell, maybe next time.

Onwards my trusty postillion (Hey msword don’t recognise postillion ‒ someone run tell Bill his software sucks) and don’t spare the horses. The smell of hot wet sweaty horse flesh assails my nostrils as I gallop into the Deep South town of Herne Bay. I hand the reins to willing young and pretty attractive young groomette at the aptly named Coach and Horses pub and go in search of some 3 in 1 oil for my faithful mare. Yep it’s true I have not been a decent ride this year, owing the afore mentioned weather, and my poor gelding is sounding like a Kawasaki Z400 that a lady friend I know once owned (Gill if you are out there ‒ I still love you) sort off like whirr whirr, rattle rattle, clank clank.

I remember that bike well ‒ I was tail ending the group on a Suzuki triple stroker and I saw Gill fail to negotiate a traffic roundabout. Which was fairly normal I suppose ‒ I mean, I mean how many traffic roundabouts do you expect to find in a small town in the middle sub-Saharan Africa? I guess they must have a Brit engineer to do the road planning ‒ It is most likely the same silly bastard that did Milton Keynes aswell.

Any I fed my stallion his oats and me some healthy apples (crushed, fermented and labelled with the motto “Strong Dry Cider” and cast off for my next port of call ‒ Reculver a ruined abbey (look I’m sorry about the repeated use of naval imagery but I’m on the coast and live in Greenwich (as in GMT)). Anyway it’s a fake ‒ it was rebuilt by some navy bloke in the eighteenth century because he liked to use it for navigation. This does not prevent it having a visitors centre and a play and display car park. And worse even than that ‒ one of those static caravan parks with 2 tacky clubhouses (American readers ‒ I mean leisure trailer park).

Anyway before I got to Reculver I felt a little hot and my feet were in flames ‒ (Hey maybe Nike or someone should make a trainer that changes colour according to its internal temperature ‒ like those kettles that glow red when they boil) so I thought a swim might cool things down.

The sea was full of crap - bits of paper and pieces of old plastic bags ‒ the beach (extra stony) was tastefully accessorised by discarded plastic water bottles and beer cans.

Worried about bird flu ‒ I is not ‒ we are screwing this planet up ‒ maybe it will only kill littering, polluting shitheads and politicians whose surnames begin with the letter “B”.

More later ‒ highlights include when I meet a man who claims he can’t sell baguettes!

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