Not really a Happy New Year  

joelbert 51M
8 posts
1/19/2006 6:43 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Not really a Happy New Year

Happy New Year…or is it? Since I last posted, I got a rude awakening about things. I have lost faith in just about every and anything. I refuse to go to church because I don’t want to be a hypocrite. I met a nice woman that just wouldn’t believe me when I told her she was beautiful or pretty. She wouldn’t even progress her feelings for me as time went on. Not to fall out of love, but not even approach it. I now know that it is impossible for me to find someone in the lifestyle, to make that journey with me. Someone that will be there and be with me, someone that she says will “fit” with me. I thought we were meaningful, and funny thing is, if it’s funny at all, we didn’t cheat on each other or anything bad like that. She had a lot of great traits. I would actually enjoy reuniting with her but that in reality looks like a non-issue now. I have been out of a relationship that was meaningful for about a year and a half. I just want someone to make that journey with me. She has internal issues about herself and she is getting help with those issues, but they don’t allow her to move on in relationships. I care but I can’t help her. I myself had a shortfall if you want to call it that. I started drinking again. I ended up not getting drunk on NYE and no hangover, but I did control it. I am having second thoughts that I was even an alcoholic at all. I just know that when I drink, I will never drive. But after reviewing this whole thing, if I drive anywhere, I am the designated driver and I won’t be drinking. I value my freedom too much. I just hope there is someone out there that I can be with that will go through the lifestyle with me. There are a few women out there that I wouldn’t mind carrying on a relationship with, but I can’t and won’t cheat. I will go on, but I don’t think I will find what I am looking for, really. She doesn’t exist, or if she does, she’s married.


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