My Beautiful Daughters  

jerseycouple1 55M/53F
6 posts
4/22/2006 9:16 pm

Last Read:
4/22/2006 11:35 pm

My Beautiful Daughters

That is how she added herself in my aol buddy. That is how I view her too! She is just a really neat kid, and I never knew it possible to love someone so greatly! L is my second child, my second girl, born to me at 25. My first daughter E I gave birth to at 18, her father my high school sweet heart. I still hate him! He was a junior when we started dating, I still in grade school. My parents were pretty strict, went to catholic school, had a curfew of 9pm till I got married at 18. Boy did they hate Larry! He was so cool though, he dealt weed, rode a motorcycle, had long hair and everyone seemed to fear him. Except me, I saw so much good him, my best friend always says that I seem to look for and find the good in everyone. Is this a good trait or is it bad? I did on many occasions witness him doing good things, he was a volunteer firemen, and I once saw him help someone stuck in the snow. He is still acting like the high school boy, maybe he always will. I really should have gotten my clue the day he told me that he doesn't even love himself, after I told him that I loved him. This relationship ended after my daughter was 6mos old, we tried a couple times after but it never came to anything.

When I saw my second love Nick I felt my heart fall to my stomach. God did he look hot, men that walk with such confidence as he did always got my attention. We were all hanging out at this new club called Omni. My best friend since I was 9 and her best friend she called Mother Mary and a couple of others. It was getting to be a regular thing for us on Saturday nights, all of us mothers single and married getting together for good fun, nothing too wild. Of course I was the only single girl checking out the men, kinda anyway, we really had fun hanging together.

After about the 3rd time going to this club I found that Nick and I had a mutual friend, who just happened to be another long time friend of mine Danyelle ( a story I must tell you later, so cute and kinda funny). Well soon after that meeting things kinda took off, Nick and I were together for about 9yrs. I really thought this was the love of my life, we got engaged when I turned 25 and because I was still married to Larry even though we had not lived together for about 10yrs I immediately got a divorce. Almost a year into planning the wedding I found I was pregnant with my daughter L, shit went down hill fast after that. When my daughter was 16mos old we broke up, I was crushed! I felt that I had no luck in love, my poor girls, why did God bless me with these two angles when I there mother did not deserve love?

Well fast forward to today, my youngest daughter L is a freshman and going to her first of two proms this year. Tonight she is attending a junior prom, and she pinkie promised me no sex. She has told me she is still a virgin, I believe her, I think she is much smarter than I. She looked beautiful tonite wearing a pink gown not frilly or poofy just simple and kind of elegant. She wore her hair up in a pony cascading curls, make-up all done professionally. I am sure she felt like Cinderella, she looked like a model to me, she has my lips, and prettier, I wanted to kiss them, I am sure all the boys will too! She is worried about her crew practice tomorrow, she is 2nd seat, and doing very well!

My oldest daughter E is 23 now living with a divorced women with 2 children a boy and girl. They just had a son together, my daughter is gay. Is it my fault? I don't know, but between 3 and 5 I remember wondering if she was going to be gay. My mother thought I was terrible to think such a thing of my daughter. I still have a hard time with it but I love her, and she seems happy. I just want everything to be good for both my girls, and I want to be as good of a mother and grandmother as I possibly can.

I still cant help wishing I could start my teen years over again, how can a mother wish this? I hope my daughters don't suffer regrets as I do.

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