jenniferfreak 37F
128 posts
5/29/2006 10:49 am

Last Read:
5/30/2006 4:29 pm


I'm bored, once again. So I though, Humm, why not blow a few things out of my ass.
I started my- myspace profile and I must say, it's fun putting your own personality and twist to a web page for all to see. It's also easy to stay in contact with friends and new people.
I actually ran across my ol' high school buddy- God I miss him. Him and Aaron- they were my best buds because they understood my off the wall- inverted/extrovert self. Of course they were Gay, well hell, all my friends were gay. I loved them because they didn't see me as the odd gal out- they saw me. They didn't want sex, they didn't want to use me for who I know or to make themselves seem cool, they were true ly my friends. When I called him it was high school all over again. He reminded me of my close lesbian Encounter in 10th grade.
There was this girl- knock out girl- with big blue eyes, Blondie hair, and nice body. We became friends when we met in my Biology 2 class. She was smart, differ nt, clever, and into the arts as much as I was. Well, she invited me over to her place for dinner one night ( I remind you I was a vary pure person at this point- I never been kissed or anything). It was a few week weeks before homecoming so when she asked me if I wanted to see her dress I thought nothing of it...well, until she started to undress. Under he plan summer dress she had on a red Teddy. When she removed her dress- it wasn't the "I'm just taking off my cloths.." It was " Watch my sexy self remove my cloths seductively." She slowly unbuttoned each on- slipped off the shoulder straps then guided the dress down, brushing against her breast. I was in shock. What do I do-jump out of her window? She put on some red pumps the struted around her room asking me questions about what I liked about her body. She had a wonderful body, but the whole situation went to far too fast. I honestly had no clue How I got there and what to do. She started to slip off her top when her parents called us to dinner. Saved...???
The next day at school she told everyone we were going out and all my friends and classmates were pleased to see I finally came out of the closet. I was confused. I wasn't sure, still unsure, what my sexual orientation is purr say, but 100% into women I'm not. I'm not even a 100% into men! So the whole situation was a bit uncomfortable. She would call me 15 times an hour, cry if I didn't answer ( messages she would leave)and totally erratic behavior. She invited me over to her place because her parents weren't home one day after school. I turned her offer down and she lost it. Now she denied she ever said anything about us and we were barely friends- I just went on my own way. Too bad, she wasn't that bad of a person to hang with, but I have to draw the line somewhere. I still think about her.
Since then I've had several of my girl friends, who are mostly straight, flirt with the idea of relationship with me. Now, I know if your straight being in a relationship with me just because I make you feel pretty, smart, and fab isn't going to change the fact that your straight. Having sex with me will not change that,either.
I turned down ever offer (even though I really like breast and wouldn't mind a bit of for play).
When women come to me, I wonder: Maybe I'm not straight- maybe there's something more to this. I could see myself in a relationship with a woman, a deep. loving, trust relationship but I can't see myself performing oral sex. Everything else is a giving and sounds kick ass- I would rock their worlds- but oral sex-scary. I can't get passed that and that's the ONLY reason I question the whole lesbian thing. If I didn't have second guess on that issue, I truly believe I was gay.
When I look at a man- I don't get turned on. A penis, unless in use, does nothing for me. A man's body- not so much. I have to have an emotional connection with the man before I'm even a least bit inter ted sexually. Women- I can have a crush on them at first site. I can star and wonder for hours and I can actually get the butterflies in the stomach thing if I meet a gal who moves me inside and out. When I'm with my girlfriends I feel them feeding off my - how do I put this- sensual nature? I know I turn the ladies on as much as they do me. And to be with a girlfriend and have the other emotional contacts just makes it worse. Most of the time when a man is going down on me, I have to think of a woman kissing me or being with me to get off. Only during intercourse can I think of a man penetrating me does a dick turn me on... and blow jobs- but that's just fun!

ComradeNumeroUno 61M
22 posts
5/29/2006 3:29 pm

Getting involved sexually with someone of the same sex is intimidating. I spent years being attracted to men and women but doing nothing about half of it. That's one of the reasons I joined this site. But one thing I remembered was that going out with women was intimidating before I did it, too. Don't worry about the oral sex part. There are things I don't like to do with partners and I don't. Well, sometimes I do if they like it a lot,lol. If you do end up going out with a woman romantically, and decide to have sex, you can always just tell her what you feel uncomfortable doing. If she gets weird about it, she's probably not who you need at the time, anyway. You might want to try approaching it like a date and not a hookup. You might not. It sounds like this is something you've been thinking about for a long time, and it might be worth trying. It was for me.

jenniferfreak 37F

5/29/2006 5:34 pm

Have you been with a man? I've felt this way since Jr I guess ten years + is a long time

ComradeNumeroUno 61M
22 posts
5/29/2006 7:25 pm

Yes, I have. That, by the way, is the first time I announced it in any sort of public forum. Hopefully I won't be ostracized. I first felt attracted in college, but My upbringing was pretty traditionally homophobic, so it took me 30 years and a brush with death to do something about it. If it takes that long, that's how long it takes. I sure wasn't ready before that. I don't recommend waiting for the brush with death part, though. It was different but not as much as I thought. And the skills I developed with myself and others transferred well. If you masturbate, you know some of the tricks already!

out_for_a_ride 36M

5/29/2006 10:29 pm

you're definitely not 100% straight or gay and definitely a 100% bi. it matters not if you've experienced a woman yet because you have things you're attracted to in both sex's. and it might just be that your most fulfilling relationship is bound to be with a woman. but there's no way of telling what is best for you until you let go of the fears that play a part in decision making. if your motivations and intentions are honest and pure, there is nothing to fear in any situation/circumstance you undertake. i assure you!

jenniferfreak 37F

5/30/2006 6:09 am

Thanks guys!

needzsumluvin 33M
61 posts
5/30/2006 9:44 am

would you ever share your myspace name on here?

jenniferfreak 37F

5/30/2006 4:29 pm

sure dreamcatcherx2, I believe

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