Backdated from March...other journal.  

islandgirlhippy2 62M/59F
2 posts
4/23/2006 6:30 am
Backdated from March...other journal.

Backdated from my other journal: I was just thinking about how wonderful crushes and being attracted to others can be..now that I am older. When I was young...lets say in my 20s and earlier and when I had a crush...the fantasy was always the same. It usually ended that we would be together happily ever after or I was jilted and my heart never mended. Over time I was able to separate being attracted to someone from being a potential lover or partner. It happened over a period of time and at first I had to deliberately change my dream or fantasy. First of all I made sure that we did not end up "together" in the form of a sweetheart or partner. Then I stopped altogether with the "jilted" lover rendition. Ok...where to go from there. Attraction meant, to me, that I found/find them sexually attractive. So....I would think about what it was that drew me to that person...then the fantasy would go from there, if indeed I fantasized about them (or do). As I said previously I now keep them "non-relationship" based. It has made an amazing difference in the way I relate to someone I am attracted to or have a crush on. I now love having them ie the attraction...they make me feel alive. I also love watching them with their partners or lovers...the way they look at one another, do they laugh together, tickle...are they more serious?!.

Through this process I have been able to step away from possesiveness...that in itself is a blessing. I can have my crush....I can have wonderfully delicious fantasies then I can run into them at the club, at the store or can even be a good friend to them. Of course they don't always know I am attracted, and that is part of the fun. If they in turn show they are attracted and flirt...I can enjoy the flirting...let go of "having them"....

Just because I am drawn to someone or attracted to them, now, does not mean I have be in relationship to. This is what I am teaching my son. He, as myself, will meet dozens of people that we are attracted to...I don't have to be with that person just because....we will make many connections over the course of our life. So now when I go out I can be the voyeur and enjoy watching my favorite crushes and their are a few...what fun it is when they all show up at once....heaven.

PS....I have found, that on occassion it can be a good thing to tell that person you find them attractive with a disclaimer that you are just wanting to express yourself. Of course I have only done this a couple of times and I knew that they understood that I wasn't going anywhere with it...I just wanted to express to them what I was feeling.

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