conditions worsening gr8tely  

ink_slinger_4_u 49M
19 posts
6/22/2006 3:31 am

Last Read:
10/19/2006 12:59 pm

conditions worsening gr8tely

As i see the sun rise I know my condition is getting worse. As the confussion sets deeper in my mind. I become more convinced that my time should be limited here on this great place we call earth.
My mind is in unknown teritory,leaving me in thoughts of dispare. Im to a point where im no longer able to care about myself,or the durration of my life living.
Im being pulled so many differnt ways (mostly caused by myself) and 1 other person & she knows whom she is.
I try to find ways to prove to myself that there is plenty of reasons for continueing onwords with my life, like me still having 1 other son to be there for. But he's 18 now and i see he has his own life to live. ...So that 1's out!
Or the widely used 1.. (i have my health) Big fucken deal. Or I have family that loves me..
Loving someone that time after time prooves me wrong about the love thats there for me. Replaying all the past events that scared me greatly. And the passing of my youngest son, seams to only confirm to me what i should do.

Seeking my out, shall take some no one could understand the type of bad luck i have. maken sure i do this right.
should i find that out i'll know its time.
i'll post my goodbye's and dissapear and soon be forgotten..


6/27/2006 2:48 pm

I honestly hope you find the will to change your mind about harming yourself. I don't know you but I just came across your blog. I'm not even sure how I found it but I read it and I just wanted to say that I for one do hope that you don't take your own life. I have 3 sons and I cannot imagine or fathom the pain you must feel at losing one of yours. To say "he's in a better place" sounds trivial and meaningless I know. There are no words that I can say to make you feel better but if I had them I would. As far as the 18 year old son, I have a son who is 20 and he was completely clueless about mother's day, not so much as a happy mother's day from him. They are at a totally self absorbed age I think and can't see beyond their own noses. Anyway, I don't normally comment on another person's blog but after reading yours I just had to. Hoping you find peace and the will to continue living.

ink_slinger_4_u 49M
6 posts
6/29/2006 3:13 pm

Well thank you i was feeling very down that day, more so then i normally do. And i couldnt do something like that with all the work that ive got to do with informing people and trying to get a bill passed to law. (maken it manidory that state health departments are required to announce positive testing of mrsa).
And as far as my older son's concerned , he came down the next weekend and we spent the day together (which was cool w/ me).

But once again thanks .. the world could use a few more people such as yourself

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