Learning something new everyday  

ink_slinger_4_u 49M
19 posts
5/28/2006 5:51 pm

Last Read:
6/4/2006 7:58 am

Learning something new everyday

Well todays the big day i go visit my son. I have so many differnt feelings going on inside me. I'll post more after the visit.

Ok Im back... To begin i never thought i'd feel scared visiting my own sons grave. But when i was minutes away from seeing him, i had this overwelming feeling of being scared.
Upon getting to the grave site I was over come by being angry, angry @ the cemetary for the way they took care of my son's plot. just the sod in which they cut out of the earth & replaced it back when they were done. Secondly I was really anger that my son had NOTHING to identify him. If i didnt know he was there, i'd be lost as to where he was burried. (Have to fix that asap)
And most importantly angry @ the world i guess, for choosing my son.
People say that when it comes to grieving, that everybody does it differntly. Im thinking im not doing so well. Because it's maken me just want to stay @ home , not going anywhere i dont absolutely have to go. Or if im able to talk someone else into going for me.
Not to mention the local media here in bakersfield keep airing something to do with M R S A, and how its a growing upidemic.

AngelEyez4u2004 58F
1473 posts
5/28/2006 6:46 pm

Ink i keep coming back to read your blogs, hope u don't mind that im posting comments. i think all those things you are feeling, are valid. true everyone mourns differently, but i somehow think that when parents mourn young children, its pretty much similar. being angry is usually step two in the grieving process, and probably the step that may last the longest depending on the individual. the not wanting to go anywhere, is also part of it, u want to withdraw yourself from the world and its pretty much normal after such a major loss.......i speak only from experience, and i do know that last thing i wanted to do for the longest time after my son died, was be with people who only knew how to say "time will heal all" or "he's in a better place" etc etc...... my thoughts are with u and your loved ones

ink_slinger_4_u 49M
6 posts
6/4/2006 7:58 am

no angel i dont mind u "comming back" to read my pots. And honestly im not even sure why im doing this, for myself & its healing process, or maybe to help another parent not go through what im having to.
Either way it seams as tho its the only way i can release the feelings i have. Because if i were to do it on someone's shoulder (so to speak) i'd worry about being comitted for suicidal thoughts.for which i was trying to release.

i thank you tho for the shoulder u offer unbeknown to you ....

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