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***until it's too late***
who thought it would or could get worse..
Posted:Dec 15, 2006 10:43 am
Last Updated:Mar 29, 2024 7:51 am
595 Views

I never thought the days could get worse then what ive already experienced so far.

On 8-1-2006 my wife and i went to this headstone comp to have a headstone made for coreys gravesite. after deciding what was going to be placed on it we signed a contract. The total was going to be 1041.00.
With half the cost needing to be placed down to get the work stated, the other half could be paid upon completion of the work & picking it up. Being told this was going to take about 8 weeks roughtly.
On Novemember 2, 2006 I went to go see the headstone & pay the remainder of the amount owed. little to my dismay, after asking about the headstone, i was enformed that the company inwhich he used to make cermaic pictures were no longer doing business. That he had another company that he was useing & that they were much quicker. (just wanting this 2 be done b4 christmas) I said alright & paid another 240.00 towards the 1041.Now ive paid a total of 765.
I came back on decm 2 a month later & had told myself if it wasnt started or done, we were going to get our $ back & go elsewhere.
Which he had more excuses & i staited that we wished to get our money back.
The owner said he didnt have any money @ the office and for me to come back some time next week, ... this PISSING me off i said that wasnt going to work. That i wanted it back asap. The guy then had the nerve to say ... well i paid him in installments, how would i like it if he re-emburssed me like that (being really shitty). Once again i said NO that today was tuesday, & i'd be back on thursday to pick up my check. ..After him getting in my face once and quickly being told he'd had best back up.
Thursday comes and im going to bring my wife this time (knowing i want to whoop his ass) we get there and he's just pulling up, getting out of his truck like"today was a fine day" act & opened the place up.
This guy pulled out a piece of paper & a blank check out of a file cabnet and brought it to the table where my wife was setting.beginning to say we were getting back 331 $ of our money, due to 10% cancellation fee & misc other charges.
I interupted the talk between my wife & him saying no all that should apply would be the 10% cancellation fee. I mean come on NO WORK HAD EVEN BEEN STARTED. Which he said he wasnt going to do that.
So i then said alright i was going to call the police. I had to go to the car to get my cell phone & to cool down (im a hothead)I called the police and was informed that they couldnt come out that it was a civil matter & go through the courts.
I said ok to the cops... began to take my shades off & place them and my cell on the ground.
Walked in & said your going to give me my money back minus the 10% fee or i was whooping his ass. Once more,bullshit lines started comming out of his mouth

And i beat his ass until my wife got into the middle of us on the ground & tearing up his little make shift office.
We left....just knowing he was calling the cops & they'd come out for that.

To this day nothing has been done to our rightfully satisfaction.
0 Comments
conditions worsening gr8tely
Posted:Jun 22, 2006 3:31 am
Last Updated:Oct 19, 2006 12:59 pm
692 Views

As i see the sun rise I know my condition is getting worse. As the confussion sets deeper in my mind. I become more convinced that my time should be limited here on this great place we call earth.
My mind is in unknown teritory,leaving me in thoughts of dispare. Im to a point where im no longer able to care about myself,or the durration of my life living.
Im being pulled so many differnt ways (mostly caused by myself) and 1 other person & she knows whom she is.
I try to find ways to prove to myself that there is plenty of reasons for continueing onwords with my life, like me still having 1 other to be there for. But he's 18 now and i see he has his own life to live. ...So that 1's out!
Or the widely used 1.. (i have my health) Big fucken deal. Or I have family that loves me..
"hardly"
Loving someone that time after time prooves me wrong about the love thats there for me. Replaying all the past events that scared me greatly. And the passing of my youngest , seams to only confirm to me what i should do.

Seeking my out, shall take some thought..as no one could understand the type of bad luck i have. maken sure i do this right.
should i find that out i'll know its time.
i'll post my goodbye's and dissapear and soon be forgotten..
1 comment
TODAY REALLY SUCKED
Posted:Jun 18, 2006 11:23 pm
Last Updated:Mar 29, 2024 7:51 am
681 Views

Well today really sucked. Altho i did spend the day with my girlfriend, it still sucked.
To make matters worse, i seen my oldest at my wifes house and he had to be reminded today was father's day.
Sure didnt help my already dreary disposition.
"corey"

I sure do miss the hell out of you, and somehow i hope your able to realize just how much i do and did love you while you were here on this earth.
Ive been trying to get to see you, but its so damn hard for me to set there and talk to you.
Knowing i damn sure shouldnt have to be visiting you at a place like i am when at the cemetary. It just breaks my heart
0 Comments
ive changed my mind
Posted:Jun 16, 2006 2:13 pm
Last Updated:Mar 29, 2024 7:51 am
659 Views

I was going to stop posting my thoughts feelings here due to the fact of someone using my posts against me.
But the person is incapacitated for awhile so im going to continue posting here.

Yesterday I got great news,at a time when i needed it badly. Anyways i'd decided i was just going to stay in bed all day. Probally from being depressed, and i was doing just that when i recieved a phone call from a lawyer calling to tell me he was going to take the case.
Which was a welcomed bit of information for me as since all this has happened there hasnt been too many times of my being happy.
thank you richard

Im going to try to go visit my again today seeings how yesterday I was going to and ended up not going. Not to mention i need to talk to the cemetary guy about the plots next to corey and seeing about starting a payment plan to purchase them.
hopefully I'll be able to get there and handle this business.

Ive also decided to post a select few pictures on here today.

I'll post more later
0 Comments
my final thoughts..
Posted:Jun 8, 2006 11:46 pm
Last Updated:Oct 19, 2006 1:00 pm
731 Views

Upon careful considderation ive decided to make this my last post. Due mainly to the fact of someone reading the posts ive posted & useing it against me, for gains which only they'd gain from
My goal was to express the feelings that im going through w/my just loosing my 15 year old to an infection thats running throughout our city's now nation wide.
"MRSA"

I'll find some other avenue to express,release,inform other's of all to be known.
I want to thank any and all of you who have made comments to my blogs, as they did help.I'd also like to thank those who extended there kindness & offered to do "anything" if they were able to.

somewhere... i'll continue this just always remember your dad loves u
3 Comments
*emptyness is a lonely feeling*
Posted:Jun 4, 2006 7:47 am
Last Updated:Jun 12, 2006 9:00 am
734 Views

As ive said in prior post's I hate nighttime's, and early morning. Them are the two hardest times of the day for me. It's the time of the day when i feel so empty now. And it's a lonely feeling.
I woke up this am to the sounds of sunday church being played on tv. And instantly i start crying.Bringing back memories of our local church attendings w/my family. Making me think of when my and i were babtised together. And yet somehow my thoughts are always forced to bring me to thinking "why didnt i realize how precious this time (or others)was.
Im not sure if thats just the (feeling guilty) phase of having a pass away. what ever it is.... its mighty powerful because every time my mind brings me there soon afterwords i have like millions of memories rush through mind of pastimes, events, gatherings that my family's shared together. And yet even with all the differnt events, or memories they all end up the same way... me setting whereever i may be at the time..and asking myself (or god) why MY ?? I wait for an answer each and everytime, with none given.
So of course with me having woke up like that im driven to having to go visit my today@ the cemetary. Which is 1 of the harder tasks for me w/ this hole ordel.Ive only managed to bring myself to visit corey twice since his laying to rest.Probally because of the many thoughts that come along w/ having to do something like that for a parent.
They say time heals all wounds, well if thats the case... i sure wish i'd atleast get some kinda notion as to my emtional healing.Because im not sure im gaining ground in this fight. And im a fighter, let me tell u.(just like my was)

I love you
dad
0 Comments
*photos not included*
Posted:Jun 2, 2006 9:48 pm
Last Updated:Jun 12, 2006 9:00 am
753 Views


Lastnight, i felt the need to arrange the final pictures ive taken of my boy in the new photo album that i had bought, just for that occassion.
Ive had the pictures for weeks now I know that some of the pictures are brutal for me to AdultFriendFinder
Iknow this because after i got them developed from my camera, and had showed my wife, & my girlfriend about a week later i wanted to look @ them because i was missing corey. I SOON had found out that apparently i really wasnt looking @ them (like i had thought i was). Infact, not @ all cuzz it dawned on me... man these last pictures of my on this earth was horrid.
Some of the pictures, when i look @ them make me see past times of when something would happen. or just a deju vu type of thing. Others make me just break down & cry (knowing) how strong my was @ the hospital.(even tho cumz to find out the hospital is what actually killed him). He had the will & strenght of 5 men durring the last 2 hospitals that he was @.
After fighting the many tears off from doing such a job as putting 65 photos of your deceased in an album.
Along the way ive learned so many things people dont seam to think about anymore because they too are cought up in the day to day life thang. Which i'll be glad to share in later posts. Some wont be (shall we say pretty) and others could be tips or lessons in life.

so until them are posted ...
I love & miss u ..
dad.
0 Comments
THEY SAY ITS GOOD NEWS
Posted:May 28, 2006 6:04 pm
Last Updated:Jun 4, 2006 7:48 am
742 Views

Today i recieved a letter from the "donors network" informing me of the update to the organs me & my wife decided to donate on coreys behalf. Funny to because when we had decided to donate my sons organs, i thought it was the right thig to do, #1 and somehow i thought it would help ease the pain of our recent loss.
Now that that day is here, Im sad to say it hasnt lessened the pain any.
Anyways... the right kidney was donated to a 32 yr old woman here in california, and his liver was donated to a 62 yr old man who has 9 who also lives here in california.
I wish these people well, and hope that they take the opportunity they were given,and use the time to show there loved 1's just what they mean to them. I hope these gifts brighten there days ahead, as i see mine only getting darker within.
0 Comments
Learning something new everyday
Posted:May 28, 2006 5:51 pm
Last Updated:Jun 4, 2006 7:58 am
762 Views


Well todays the big day i go visit my . I have so many differnt feelings going on inside me. I'll post more after the visit.

Ok Im back... To begin i never thought i'd feel scared visiting my own sons grave. But when i was minutes away from seeing him, i had this overwelming feeling of being scared.
Upon getting to the grave site I was over come by being angry, angry @ the cemetary for the way they took care of my 's plot. just the sod in which they cut out of the earth & replaced it back when they were done. Secondly I was really anger that my had NOTHING to identify him. If i didnt know he was there, i'd be lost as to where he was burried. (Have to fix that asap)
And most importantly angry @ the world i guess, for choosing my .
People say that when it comes to grieving, that everybody does it differntly. Im thinking im not doing so well. Because it's maken me just want to stay @ home , not going anywhere i dont absolutely have to go. Or if im able to talk someone else into going for me.
Not to mention the local media here in bakersfield keep airing something to do with M R S A, and how its a growing upidemic.
1 comment
God ... I hate morning time...
Posted:May 26, 2006 9:49 am
Last Updated:Jun 4, 2006 7:59 am
734 Views

As night has fallen and i look outside, ive found myself hateing the time to come!
Im not exactly sure what it is, but i absolutely hate morning time. It's the worse part of the day for me. I use to be able to withstand the pain from my back hurting in the morning, but now i have another pain, & this pain is far worse then what 3 blown disks in my back hurts me. This pain seams to greaten each & everyday that arises.
The pain in which i feel, seams to drag the days by. Maken them seam longer then what they really are, I know.
To make matters worse, Ive yet to go visit corey since laying him to rest... and i know i have to go visit my , But i couldnt bring myself to do it so far. I have mixed feelings inside my heart when it comes to that! and im not sure which gut feeling i should go with 1 side i feel as though im dissing my own by not visiting him@ the grave/ and on the other i have this deep deep sorrowful feeling hurting, being scared, mad, And most importantly MISSING him.
With this in mind, im going to drag myself to the shower & force myself to his gravesite.
i hope it goes well..

post more later..

I love you
dad
0 Comments
as it gets worse...
Posted:May 23, 2006 10:11 pm
Last Updated:May 23, 2006 10:34 pm
683 Views


Today i went and got the medical reports of mamorial hospital. Which kinda confirmed my suspicions about my "corey".
In 1 paragraph the reports say as follows..Because of the tension pneumothorax the patienit was urgently prepped for chest tube. He was preped with betadine and useing meticulosly sterile technique a 32 french chest tube was placed in the upper right chest, with a rush of air and signifiacnt amount of fluid encountered a well.The fluid was sent for culture.It was bronwish in color It was foul smelling(consistant with a probale empyema).The patients chest tube was sewn in and he was placed on continuous suction. At this time his o2 was saturation has increased into the 90's on 100%. And the patient seamed to tolerate this better @ this point.His heart rate also decreased to about 140. APPROXIMATELY 40 minutes after that we had a problem, in that the patients saturation dropped into the 50's on the ventilator. When i went into examine him, his lungs were had rhonchi bilaterally. HE was mgiven respiratory w/o relief. We looked @ the ventilator circuit and found that he was not recieving 100% o2, but that the ventilator had gone into "default" mode and was administering 21% o2, as the oxigen source from the wall had become dislodged. How this happened, is unclear. This was repairedand the patients saturations returned to baseline @ about 90..
0 Comments
***before it's too late***
Posted:May 18, 2006 11:45 pm
Last Updated:Dec 15, 2006 9:18 am
911 Views

Isnt it ironic how it takes something as terrible as death to actually bring family members together. To make people realize just what they have. "before it's too late"

People get so caught up in there daily events, advanceing towords the future, that all the things given to us, like "", "wakeing up each day" or "being american" are all taken for granted, forgotten, overlooked.
Im sad to say "Im one of those people" and even more saddened to admit.. it took my corey's death before i realized just how special of a gift he was, And how badly i got off tract of having known that. By getting caught up in life.
I realize this all again (after the fact). After i cannot hold my in my arms anymore and tell him how much i love him, or how or how thankful i was that he became part of my life.
After... i realize ,i'll never hear his voice speak to me again.
So i ask you people that have read this, 2 do me a favor & take the time to tell loved 1's just how much u love them and care about them Because carrying this burdon on my shoulders is unbareable, and shameful too. As i'll spend a lifetime prooving it to corey. since i didnt take the time while he was alive.
I LOVE & MISS YOU 5-9-2006 R*I*P*
3 Comments

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conditions worsening gr8tely (2)MYTIME652
Jun 27, 2006 2:48 pm
***before it's too late*** (7)sazzynsexy
Jun 11, 2006 1:37 pm
my final thoughts.. (4)GoddessOfTheDawn
Jun 9, 2006 1:09 am
*emptyness is a lonely feeling* (1)bluegirl39
Jun 4, 2006 8:37 am
*photos not included* (1)Knot4Everyone
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THEY SAY ITS GOOD NEWS (1)waytoohorny2000
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