a.f.f. - a spiritual odyssey  

ideafilter 38M
45 posts
8/4/2006 2:41 am

Last Read:
9/7/2006 11:47 pm

a.f.f. - a spiritual odyssey

I’ve been active on AdultFriendFinder for just over a week. The following is a brief account of my quest through the fire.

“Wow,” I think as I start to browse for local women within my age range, “this is the most amazing place ever.” There are literally thousands of attractive women nearby who are looking for a casual, sensual relationship with someone. But what is this “send a wink” thing? It must be an efficient way of communicating to women that I’ve read their profile and seen their pictures, and that I’m very interested in learning more about them! Surely once they’ve received my wink they’ll read through my profile and quickly wink back if they’re interested, right? Then I can send them a more significant email.

Now, I know what you’re thinking. I just start sending out a million winks, one to each girl on a.f.f. right? Wrong. I’m not entirely dim. Instead I carefully craft my profile and even post a few pictures. I want this to work! So I carefully choose the profiles of the women I’m most interested in, and feel I’m the most compatible with, and start winking like mad.

No response.

Well, that makes sense. Nothing good should ever be that easy. But it’s still pretty amazing how so many of these gorgeous women are looking for someone just like me. Maybe if I send brief emails I’ll be more likely to get a response?

I loved the photographs, you really have an amazing body. You mentioned that you’re looking for someone safe, smart, affectionate, and attractive. Sounds just like me! I’d love to get to know you better. Tell me more!’

No response.

Dang. Alright, I think it’s time to answer all of the questions in the profile. Every single one! You know what, I’m even going to buy a webcam. Women will quickly see what a nice, attractive guy I am!

And so, after some fiddling, I get the webcam connected. “Whoa, that was fast. Incoming page? Oh geez, that doesn’t sound nice…”

guy1: sho ur cock
me: ignore.

guy2: ur hot
me: ignore.
guy2, again: stand up
me: ignore.

guy3: stroke it
me: ignore.

guy4: can I blo u?
me: Well hello, it’s a pleasure to meet you. Yes, we have had some rather peculiar weather lately. That’s an interesting point, I would certainly agree that the Democrats need to regain some control of the government. Afterall, what’s the point of checks and balances if it’s all under the same party’s control? Although, as an aside, did you know that president numero uno, George Washington, in his farewell address warned the Unites States that the greatest danger facing our nation was not a foreign power, or even domestic terror… no, he claimed that the greatest danger was our two party system of government. Good thing we took him seriously, right? Wow, it’s really neat finding someone online that I can have conversations like this with, please believe me when I say it was great meeting you, sir. Stay in touch, alright?

guy5: can i see more?
me: ignore.

Ooooohhhh, I can filter! Whoa, so right now there are 13 people watching my webcam, alright… how about just women and couples. Ok, looks good. Click update. Wait for it…. wait for it… Zero?! You’re kidding me. Man…

Hmm…. Clearly this is not the best strategy either. Well, maybe if I revisit an earlier strategy and spend a little more time, put my heart into it. Let’s painstakingly revisit all of the ads of local women between the ages of 22 and 36 who sound ‒ and especially look ‒ interesting to me. I’ll write them the most personal, authentic, and engaging email I can muster. These emails will be poetry, works of art. And after hours of writing…


But, wait… I need to join ConfirmID? Oh… but I get a complimentary month long pass to sweetheartsconnections.com? Well, that sounds like a good deal ‒ especially if I get to continue communicating with this girl that is clearly everything she advertised, including interested in me! Sign me up, baby. Now I just need to email her a response, and let the magic happen.

No response. No magic.

Hmmm…. Maybe I’ve been a bit unrealistic about this whole process. Let’s consider a few things. Would a smart, young, attractive girl with a whole life ahead of her risk everything by making her pictures publicly available on this site? I think not.

Geez.. I’ve been so foolish. I should actually focus on the girls without pictures, they are infinitely more likely to be real human beings who could, potentially, be interested in meaningfully communicating with me. It makes so much sense now. Alright, time to start this process all over again! Here comes the new onslaught of meaningful, poetic, heartfelt emails! And this time I’ll be careful too to make sure they’ve written something unique in their profiles. Clearly there must be plenty of fake, ingenuine accounts without pictures as well. Afterall, they do always seem to be one step ahead of me, but not this time, baby. Not this time.

No response.

Whatever. I’m going to blog.

rm_3Jenny3 41F
1 post
9/7/2006 12:01 am

*smirk* Cute post, thanks for the chuckles!

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