My perspective  

hotNhorny5000 38F
53 posts
1/24/2006 3:15 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

My perspective

Okay, so a lot of people have been asking me why I am on this site if I’m married and don’t want to leave my husband. The answer is very detailed and complicated, but I will do my best to explain it. And to those who pass judgement, walk a mile in anothers shoes first. Here goes:

When I first met my husband, things were great. We got along, we had good times, we laughed together, and the sex was wonderful. We had a long distance relationship, him in Tunisia, and me in the USA. We took turns visiting each other, and after 2 years of dating, decided to get married. I moved from the US to Tunisia, and planned to live my life out as the nice, sweet, dutiful wife. At first things were great, but that soon changed. The society here is completely different than America. It is a male-dominated, Muslim society. Now don’t get me wrong, the country and the people are nice. But speaking honestly, and from my point of view, women get short changed here every day. But I’m not here to talk about the others, I’m here to talk about me, and my situation.

Starting about a month after the wedding, he changed. He stopped being the caring, loving, and supportive man I had fallen in love with, and started being, well, like his father. He started spending all his free time at the coffee with his friends, and his attitude towards me changed as well. He stopped treating me like someone he loved and cherished, and enjoyed spending time with, and started treating me like a maid, a cook, his personal assistant who is supposed to be there for his every whim, and after the kids were born, like a child-care provider. Our sex life soon changed as well. We were once having a discussion about our past sexual experiences, and from that day forward my sex life took an immediate dive. Here it is expected that the men go out and have sex with many women and gain experience, but the women are supposed to be fresh-as-the-fallen-snow-virgins on the day they marry. I wasn’t. In fact, what seemed to upset him was that, not only did I have a good number of notches on my bedpost, but I also had done more things sexually than him. To him, this was a big ego crusher. When he found this out, he refused to try new things with me, and became a complete prude, only wanting missionary-style sex, and only once or twice within a 2-3 week period. If I had it to do over again, I would avoid talking about our past experiences altogether.

This has been going on for quite a while, and I dare say that there is really no marriage left. I do love him, how could I not after all we have shared together? But I am no longer in love with him, and I don’t believe he is in love with me anymore either. So why stay? Well, there are a number of reasons. First, we have 2 kids together and they love their father and he loves them. Second, and more to the point, he has flat out told me that he refuses to give me a divorce. In Muslim society, it is very easy for a man to be granted a divorce. He doesn’t even need to get the consent of the wife in order to be granted the divorce. But if a woman wants a divorce, it is quite a different story. If she has the consent of the husband, the divorce will be granted provided she pay back all that he gave her at the start of the marriage. If the husband does not consent, she can still get a divorce, but it becomes extremely difficult and extremely costly. Being a foreigner, I pay an even higher price. A minor child (under the age of 20 years) cannot be taken outside Tunisia without the father’s permission or the court’s authorization, even when the mother has been awarded custody. This means that I could never take the kids back to the US with me unless my husband agrees to it, and he said he would never allow it. Also, a divorced wife only has the right of custody over boys until age of 7 and girls until age of 9, after which custody reverts to the father. To me this seems unfair, but I am powerless to change the law. My kids mean everything to me, and all of this added together means I am obliged to stay in this marriage, whether I want to or not.

With that being said, I am mainly looking to meet some friends. I picked this site because if I can find a friend with benefits, that would be even better. I'm not looking for one night stands, or anything casual. I want to find someone with whom I can share a long-lasting friendship, and hopefully that friendship will have many different levels.

Ice226 51M

1/25/2006 1:09 pm

Hi, I could understood with the things wha'd you ment to me tonight.

Umm but What Can I say to you...and what can I do for you...

There is only one thing what I really wanted to say is,

" We are already friends"

Yes,This is true.
We are livng another countries.but we can see each other through these windows of internet.And should to talk more, should to know more and more .

We have the new way to looking for.
And I will be with you .

This is only chatting thing but maybe it will be meaning more important between us.

Im thinking it and Really hoping to know more about you.


Kaff69 46M

1/25/2006 7:23 pm

I heard you

When I'm Good, I'm Very Good; When I'm Bad I'm Better!
[bling 71645] The seduction emanating from a person of uncertain or dissimulated sex is powerful.
Welcome to the Dark Side ♂♀

W11234 41F

1/27/2006 9:41 pm

My dear, do hope that you can find whatever you are lookin for here.. You deserve it..

herringje 41M

2/5/2006 11:45 am

now I tataly understand you situation and am very sorry for you it is to bad he dose not want to experianc the wild thing you have to offer what happens when the kids grow up? What happens if he finds out that you cheat on him i wish i could help you out but i have no anser for you hopefully it will be better for you someday thank for letting me understand you better

hotNhorny5000 38F

2/5/2006 12:46 pm

When the kids grow up, we probably will get divorced. Maybe. Or maybe we'll decide that we've been together so long that we should stay together. Or maybe he'll change and things will go back to the way they once were. I have no idea what the future may hold; I'll cross that bridge when I get to it. As for the moment, I don't think he knows about me being on AdultFriendFinder (although he could easily find out because I don't hide the fact), but he does know I'm unhappy and that I have sought out legal help. If he finds out, he finds out. I'm not going to lie to him, but I'm not going to throw it in his face either. I'm just going to let life take it's course. Like I said, I'm not out looking exclusively for sex. That would come *only* if there is a solid friendship as a base first.

herringje 41M

2/6/2006 8:48 am

those are pretty good ansers usaly all the popel i know stay together for those same reasons there husbands never seem to change and i am good friends with some of the hubbys i hope in the end you get what you need someone who realy apreicates you you so deserve it why do i feel so diffrent than most guys yet have been single for so long it realy makes me wonder i do no some friend girlfriends i would love to have the opertuneity to treat them the way they should be i cant seem to make the spell check work and i spell so bad as you see sorry

rm_mieleuXX 41M

2/12/2006 4:02 am

pfff! it's really a desater when i read this thing! i used to be in us for 4 years ago, and i leave with my gf for a while, but it's true what you saied, we haven't the same value in the two society , and that's the problem.

hope that you can make face to this difficult situation, and we are here to support you also, whatever you want. try, may be you will enjoy .

Hakim_zamanou 40M
1 post
3/20/2006 12:51 pm

I am Tunisian and was shocked when reading your post, I don't think divorce in Tunisia is easier for men, it difficult also for them, and women aren't considered as mades, but respected for what they are, you shouldn't marry him at first place, even after 2 years, if you had fun with him why stop it? you could came to see the society you will live in before marry, so you didn't get surprised. I think you should try to find a way to return in the past times bit by bit so you don't be bored with your husband any more. Your husband is such a case. I'm with you.

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