Saying goodbye  

heavn1 56F
414 posts
8/21/2006 11:32 pm

Last Read:
8/21/2006 11:40 pm

Saying goodbye

As I sit here, I admit openly that I'm crying. I'm talking to a lifelong friend and we've shared so many trials and tribulations that to tell you would take up more space than this website could ever dream of having at any given time. Why am I crying? Because I read that someone I highly respect and admire has lost a very dear friend. I don't know how, but I feel as though I can almost feel some of her grief. I'm crying for the loss of what 'could have' been, for the loss of laughter and smiles and watching the sunrise or feeling the breeze on your face. I cry for everything lost.

As a cancer nurse, so many people expect us to remain impartial and detached from a patient and the families. In fact, several of us are told this while still in nursing school that we HAVE to remain distant and cannot risk emotional involvement with any patient or we lose objectivity. I argue that point, and say that as a cancer nurse, how can we NOT? We're there when the diagnosis is told to the patient and families. We're there when they start a regimen of chemo or radiation, more and more often, both. We're there each and every time they come back to the hospital. We're there when the IV's won't remain stable because of all the toxins and frequencies of IVs. We're there for the central line placements. We're there until that last time we see them come back, and we KNOW that this time, they won't be able to go back home. Now, after all this, I ask how anyone can remain uninvolved? I've laughed with these people, given them alternatives to try, assisted with arrangements for home care and follow-up appointments, joked with them, kept them medicated so they don't feel pain, listened to their stories, held the families as they cried asking "What do we do now?"

Tonight, after reading about the loss of this persons friend, I immediately IM'd my best friend in the world and told her I loved her. I lost her for almost 10 years, due to a situation casued by her husband (who is gratefully no longer in the picture). Yet, we've worked through it, and I feel we are both so much stronger for it. I then went and hugged my 22 month old granddaughter. My other children are scattered, as kids tend to do as they grow. My husband is still in Iraq, so I sent massive hugs and kisses to him and 2 of our boys who are also there.

Life is so very fragile and delicate. And it can be so hard and difficult. But in the long run, I truly believe that it's gonna be one hell of an adventure and challenge. And I can't wait to see what happens next.

Until next time, may the angels watch over us all.


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