Funny How Things Work Out...Or Don't  

heavensent11236 53F
2577 posts
7/5/2006 8:02 am

Last Read:
10/26/2007 8:22 am

Funny How Things Work Out...Or Don't

Not so long ago, there was a guy, this guy I was absolutely positively head over heels in love with. We met such a long time ago, and over the years had an affair or two. He was married when I met him, maybe lack of judgment but not many 16 year olds care to much about morals. I dated him off and on again, after a 20 year hiatus, for the next 3 years. I said my prayers every night, hoping some unknown disaster would befall his wife, and when I felt really guilty about that, I then just prayed for her to suddenly meet some guy, fall hard and leave her husband, that would be perfect.
I'm not sure what happened over this past year, once upon a time I would have jumped at the chance to meet him wherever he was going to be, but now the thought doesn't even tempt me. Once in awhile I look at his picture, I look really close, and I keep asking myself, what was it about him that had you thinking all those thoughts? For the life of me I can't get those feelings back anymore, but it's not like I'm trying to either.
Somewhere over this past year I stopped thinking about him entirely for the most part. I think that what he had to offer, me being his mistress, continuing the little on the side charade, the wishy-washy high moral thing, so much for morals if your having an affair, just got to be too much, and it doesn't interest me in the least anymore.
We still talk occasionally but I never call him. I rarely ever think about him anymore.
I guess it all goes back to the one problem I have. I can't settle for being second best, I would have ended up hating myself and him at some point, so it was better to just let that go, and somewhere along the line it stopped hurting entirely. Now, whenever we do talk I just get tired, tired of his continuing to play his little I want you but I can't leave her thing. Nobody asked you to leave her, I stopped wanting that ALONG time ago.
Sometimes I do wander what if but 99% of the time I just think about that song "Unanswered Prayers".

rm_JohnMacLaine 51M
585 posts
7/5/2006 6:59 pm

Been there....

I am in the unique position of having gone through a similar situation for over 2 1/2 years. I was in love with a married woman, it was long distance (Jacksonville), it was difficult, and it was all behind her husbands back. I eventualy got to the point of not thinking about her as much as I used to, and I too find myself not caring if I hear from her, not really wanting to hear from her, if you want to know the truth.

We went our separate ways nearly 4 years ago, after her husband found out about us. She stayed with him, I was left in the cold. I had a difficult time for a year or so, but now it is all behind me.

kudos to you for movig on with your life, it is the best thing you can do


"I can retain neither respect or affection for a government which has been moving from wrong to wrong in order to defend its own immorality" Mahatma Ghandi

1Sir_Lancelot 61M

7/6/2006 4:54 am

I think that's the funny thing about moving on. Sometimes as we grow and experience more in life and look back, we afford ourselves the luxury of hindsight. It's nice to wonder what if as long as we don't dwell on what the possibilities may have been. I believe life is for living, that's hard to do if you live in the past.

summer_fun_TX 59M
30 posts
7/8/2006 8:18 am

I'm on here today reading blog posts about affairs. It seems like they ALL end badly. I've been married over 15 years and fantasize about having a long term affair, but all I've found in my pursuits, online and otherwise, have been no strings attached one night stands or, at best, a couple of sex buddies with no real emotional content. I suppose I should be happy with how things have worked out for me so far and not look for touble... but still....

In any case it's good to read what others have to say on the subject.

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