It Still Hurts Regardless  

heavensent1123 53F
447 posts
4/2/2006 9:44 am

Last Read:
4/10/2006 2:23 pm

It Still Hurts Regardless

Once upon a time a long, long time ago, I use to be married. Ok, I'm still married but in name only. I live here he still lives in NY, it's worked for me that way.
I use to wonder about couples that had been married for a long time and then suddenly one day deciding that they didn't want to be together anymore. My reasoning was "What, it took you 20 years to figure out you didn't like each other"?
Being young and naive at that time in my life I didn't get the concept that sometimes you just grow apart. You want one thing out of life and they want something else, you come to an impasse, and you have to decide can I live with not having what I want?
That question has been answered since I'm here and he's there. There were never any huge arguments, no physical abuse, there was never any infidelity, none of that.
My house is suppose to go up for sale next month, it should sell quickly, it's in a high demand neighborhood. Once the house is sold I'll be going to see an attorney to start divorce proceedings. We are still very good friends, we get along well, but I'm happier without him. I guess it's just one of those DAMN, 20 years, so much for 20 years.

qship52 64M

4/2/2006 10:31 am

For me it was 30 years...

expatbrit49 63M

4/2/2006 10:39 am

20 years here. Well stated sweetie

Thank You for Your Time and Attention

heavensent1123 53F

4/2/2006 11:23 am

Meaning this in a nice way, it's nice to see I'm not all alone.

Sometimes people just don't seem to get the still friends but divorced concept, or the why haven't I started the divorce proceedings before now? Even though I'm happier now, and I will always love him as a friend, it's still hard after all those years to just say goodbye overnight.

Things just didn't work out was all, no hatred or hard feelings there. I'm guessing you guys definately get that concept.

rm_JessWatchin 42M

4/2/2006 11:41 am

In all the twenty years, It seems, you never had him.

niceguy00769 49M
123 posts
4/2/2006 12:04 pm

You hear about so many BAD divorces that lots of people think thats all there is. My Ex and I are much happier as friends.
People change and if a couple changes in 2 different directions it's not as it once was.
I don't see anything wrong with taking things at your own pace. 20 years is a long time and since it wasn't something you had to race away from it's understandable.

2943 posts
4/2/2006 12:08 pm

It's very bittersweet...isn't it? Better to have loved once than never to have loved at all. It's good you can still be friends, too many separate with bitterness and hatred. Warm wishes for you....


PineyFolks 60M/60F

4/2/2006 12:41 pm

I am still married...he lives south and i live east. 4 hours apart. It is on paper only, and has been now for 5 years. I have Piney he has a gf. All is good. This June we will have been married 21 years and 2 together before that. We grew apart. We are both too cheap to pay to divorce each other...LOL...funny huh


mjtrcc 54M

4/2/2006 1:16 pm

15 here as has been documented ad nauseum on my blog.

That said, FL is a pretty easy state to do this in if neither of you is contesting the divorce and you agree on everything else. Since you're both already living separate lives, ths can be over for you soon.

I'm sorry that this is making you hurt today.

heavensent1123 53F

4/2/2006 2:23 pm

No, no pain here MJT. Just a kind of sadness thats it's almost finally done. Now, to get him to see that and stop thinking we can work it out, there's the trick.

Piney- I figured since he's there and I'm here no big rush, but been thinking lately maybe it's just better to officially close that chapter.

AltumHunksUnite 54M

4/2/2006 7:03 pm

Wow, I feel a little funny with my one marriage that lasted a year and ten months.

I'm glad things are finally starting to progress for you.

Let me drive. I like the view

7 posts
4/2/2006 10:34 pm

Friends grow, either together or apart, but friendship is always dynamic and fluid, with elements that change, others that remain. So it's taken awhile for it to come to an official parting. Look at it as an opportunity and a challenge.....after all, the sun will come up tomorrow.....happily embrace it and feel the joy as your life takes on a new challenge.

JustaLovableFrnd 60F

4/3/2006 7:39 am

heaven PLEASE...we have to talk! I have been struggling with over a year with some similar thoughts and feelings. I had come to a decision and then the rug was pulled out from under me. I had breakfast with simply this morning and feel much stronger, but overnight the landscape changed and now the decision I made seems you think we could grab a drink and just plain chat together soon? (Simply has my number.)


sexxxylatina69 42F

4/3/2006 11:25 am

hmmm, only 9 yrs for me, but unfortunately it doesn't make it any less depressing. It's been over 2 years now that my marriage has been dead, but still haven't done anything about it. mostly because of my children. It really sucks because I really enjoyed being married, the closeness we once shared. But that's life I guess. I know someday I'll get the chance to move on & start a new life, until then I'm stuck.

Good luck heaven, hope all things work out the way you'd like them to.

nevertootall4u 54M

4/3/2006 2:14 pm

well, 20 years in the making. no matter how long, a memory will always last. but, i am also glad its over. and i am also glad U are here. DEAN

BenefitsFriend69 58M/61F

4/4/2006 3:43 pm

I think about this stuff a lot. Insomnia 01 Memories of a Marriage It's painful, but alas, "this too shall pass..."


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