One Step Back  

heavenly_body39 61F
740 posts
5/1/2006 10:19 pm

Last Read:
5/24/2006 6:50 am

One Step Back

My eyes are sore and red tonight from too many shed tears. They gather so easily, welling up, spilling over, today. I feel with great sorrow all of my losses tonight; I spent the hour with my therapist crying, wetting already wet tissue as she sat across from me, a sympathetic look on her face.

So allow me to wallow; grief is like this, sneaking up and hitting you sideways just when you think you have moved on. In the last three years, I have lost my ability to take my body for granted, my marriage of nearly seventeen years, various friends, a woman friend and my lover of nearly a year as he moves on to have sexual adventures unencumbered by me. I lost my father in January and my lover soon afterwards. On May 17th I will join a group ride to honor the lives of those we lost while riding bicycles; I lost one of my closest women friends when her tandem was struck from behind leaving Bampf three summers ago.

Mini losses and major losses. Life is about losing and the subsequent letting go. About transitions to new lives and friends and adventures. But sometimes it is ok to feel that gut wrenching, knuckle biting pain.

I could use a rock a bye to sleep tonight.


rm_mm0206 70F
7767 posts
5/6/2006 12:02 pm

tender hugs to you

lost my dad and 3 days later
the husaband I had for 34 years passed away...

that was 4 years ago and I am still growing form the experience.

life teaches us many things..
we are here to support and be compassionate to those around us.
giving of ourselves in many ways..

I think you are on your way.... enjoy the bike
hugs...m.


rm_mm0206 70F
7767 posts
5/6/2006 12:04 pm

tender hugs to you

lost my dad and 3 days later
the husband I had for 34 years passed away...

that was 4 years ago and I am still growing form the experience.

life teaches us many things..
we are here to support and be compassionate to those around us.
giving of ourselves in many ways..

I think you are on your way.... enjoy the bike
hugs...m.


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