Sensual VS. Sexual  

rm_harshawj 52M
761 posts
6/9/2005 6:43 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Sensual VS. Sexual

So I’ve been thinking, and talking, to a couple of friends and I was asking myself, what is it that I want out of a relationship?

For me, any relationship has to have a sexual aspect to it. I am a sexual being and not having sex is not even in the equation of a sustain relationship.

Now, I do know what a long term relationship is like. I was married for 11 years and I have a wonderful daughter by it. Before we were married I was with my ex for 8 years. Maybe it was family pressuring me to finally "tie the knot" but at the time it was the right thing to do. When we first met there was plenty of sex, and good sex at that (not the best, I had some wild times in college) and what the quality of sex lacked, the quantity made up for. But sex was not the only reason I got married. In retrospect, maybe it should have been a larger factor in the decision.

Interestingly, after we did get married the sex got significantly better. It was like a switch was thrown in my mates mind and inhibitions that were heretofore strong were now nonexistent. But unfortunately this condition did not sustain and over the years the sex slowed down, but not my wanting it.

You may have to know me a little. I am an autodidact, a self-teacher. So what does an autodidact do when he's 18 and horny and wanting to please women? He reads. He reads a lot and on many levels. Romance novels, Erotica, Karma sutra, Master and Johnson reports, Kinsey reports and a thousand other things that could get me into the minds of women. After all, what better way to build a relationship than by knowing the woman you are with.

This led to an amazing discovery, sex was good, but the sensual aspect (better described in the fiction works) of a relationship was the fuel that feeds the passionate fires.

So, now in college and new the wide world of sex I explored my path and found that while sex was good, really connecting with a woman on a more sensual level increased the sexual aspect to a much higher degree. But to do that emotions must come into play, and thus, I learned to wear my heart on my sleeve. (Ah... now you get a deeper glimpse into the Miasma of my psyche.) Sensuality does not happen unless you really let your guard down and surrender to the moment and the person you are with. At least for me.

In fact, again for me, if I am with a woman in only a sensual way (which alas can happen, I am diabetic and there are times I cannot rise to the occasion) it is still a deeply emotional interaction for both me and my partner. (Although, knowing I have this problem has led me to sharpen certain other manual and oral skills to still bring pleasure to a partner.) In fact for me, I have no greater satisfaction than knowing I have brought a partner to a satisfying level of pleasure, it is as good as sex. Does this make sense?

So, if someone were to ask me If I were a sexual or sensual being, I would have to respond sensual being. For me the level of satisfaction in a sensual liaison is much greater. Sure the Wham Bam and thank you mama is great once in a while (I suppose when you are really horny (like lately)) but it is not what I am looking for in my life. Sex yes, but SENSUAL sex. Sensual sex is not over in 20 minutes, sensual sex is not assign purely to the bedroom, sensual sex does not even require getting disrobed in any manner and can be as simple as a single touch, or even a whisper.


rm_qcao1 49F
197 posts
6/9/2005 7:59 pm

I agree...Sensuality is something you cannot touch or see, it is something you feel, comes from inside...it is the touch, the look...sex is physical aspect...combination of two creates beautiful memories that last lifetime...I would say I am both - sensual and sexual being...


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